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  1. #11
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    I wish I could sit down and talk to him and let him see how unreasonable his expectations are, I have tried, he tells me that he won't say anything about it anymore, but as soon as he gets home he is straight in to it. How do I get him to see life with 3 kids is not simple and as easy as he reckons, at the moment the older 2 behave for him, so leaving them alone unless it became a real habit (but see previous post it is going to be) he thinks it's a piece of cake.
    I could vent about him all day long!

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  3. #12
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    You are a SAHM, not a maid. There's a difference, he is being dispicable towards you. Book a holiday for yourself and leave him with the kids so he can possibly understand what it's like (even if its just a long weekend away, he has Mondays off anyway so do it!).

    ps. The fact he doesn't like you going out and socialising.... That's an attempt to isolate you, which is what abusers do. What possible problem could he have with you going to play group??!
    Last edited by Ellewood; 15-02-2014 at 12:26.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by TerrorJay View Post
    How do I get him to see life with 3 kids is not simple and as easy as he reckons
    I would summon him to a challenge - tell him you are going out from 8am until 8pm and see how he goes. When you get home, make sure you complain about every tiny thing and ask where your tea is. I suspect he'll change his stance.

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  7. #14
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    I am gobsmacked at the number of posts that appear on bh like yours OP.

    You are not over reacting and the fact that you are even questioning this screams GASLIGHTING. Google it.

    He sounds controlling, manipulative and totally unresponsive to yours and your family's needs. For goodness sake you have 3 under 3 and you're doing it alone.

    Please speak to friends or family irl and get some support or counselling. It saddens me a lot reading about this sort of stuff. Keep posting here too there's loads of support on bh.

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  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I would summon him to a challenge - tell him you are going out from 8am until 8pm and see how he goes. When you get home, make sure you complain about every tiny thing and ask where your tea is. I suspect he'll change his stance.
    ^ this

    Make sure you come home wearing a white glove

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  11. #16
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    Wow, what a jerk. I would not stand for that. You are a mother not a maid. If he wants a maid im sure he can hire one!
    He needs a serious reality check.

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  13. #17
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    Thanks again, should clarify he doesn't mind me going out, but he doesn't believe I should be going out while there is housework to be done and since the house always is not in a spotless condition when he gets home, obviously my going out is preventing me from achieving this.
    I just wish he would stop living in the 1950's

  14. #18
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    Arrange for him to spend an entire day doing what you do. Then see how quickly he changes his opinion about how clean a house can be with three kids under 3.

    He is the one being unreasonable.

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  16. #19
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    What a jerk !!

    You are a stay at home MUM not a maid, cleaner, slave.

    Taking care of the children comes first. If you have time to do other stuff then great but if not it's no big deal.

    Both my husband and I work part time so we both take turns looking after the kids and the house. I would NEVER come home from work and ask him what he's been doing all day ! As long as the house is still standing and the kids are fed and happy then he's done a wonderful job. The same goes for him, if he dared I'd rip him a new one !

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    TerrorJay  (15-02-2014)

  18. #20
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    Im sorry but he is really being a pig. Its good to start leaving him with the kids for a day here and there but that runs the risk of a) him just leaving the kids to watch tv all day and giving them all they want all day ie junk etc cos thats the easy option b) he does a " quick tidy" of the living space and honestly thinks thats all that ' housework' amounts to ( ive seen that trick ) and pronounces " see its easy" ...failing to need to do it ALL ie washing, appts, shopping, mopping, endlessly folding clothes etc, cooking, feeding, planning , endlessly picking stuff up the list goes on and on...so yes its a start but it comes down to attitude and his sucks. Whinging cos u go to playgroup or the park is such poor form and i agree its abusive. It also strongly suggests he has absolutely zero concept or a toss about the children's needs let alone yours ie fresh air, social skills, exercise, etc...But its ok for him to have a social life...thats beyond unfair. He needs to wake up to himself.....what a selfish individual!!! My husband initially had the same attitude ie why is the house messy you do nothing all day when i was stay at home....tbh he got over it cos i just lost it so many times and pulled him every time he mentioned it....i think the bigger concern is that your not even allowed to have a life outside of housework......i hope you can sort it out. It sounds like a dictatorship currently...

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