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  1. #1
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    Default Moving on, but not quite done

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first post in this section. I'm feeling a little lost in the cracks. We've been doing ivf for 2 1/2 years, 8 failed transfers and decided at the end of last year, that was to be our last. And it's been kind of great to start this year without all of this hanging over us! Such relief and freedom to enjoy life again.

    But on our last cycle (Dec 13) we ended up with 2 frozen embies, so there's that in the background. Plus I'm currently going to a naturopath to check for a hormone imbalance. So I've mostly moved on, but I guess there is part of me that still wants a tiny speck of hope that it may still be on the cards for us somewhere down the track.

    I'm struggling to find any support through this phase. My previous gorgeous support group have almost all had their babies now, and try as they might, they don't understand this place I'm in, so close to the end. I've all but moved on emotionally, but I still have my days where I wonder if this might work, or that might work.

    I'm really down at the moment because, while we have a low sperm count, this is obviously not our only issue as we've had multiple prefect embies put back and not implant, so I guess we really fall into the unexplained category now. So while it's not likely, there is a chance for us still naturally. But my husband can only dtd once and then it takes a few days for him to be able to do it again, so each ovulation we only get one chance. Anyway, I've just o'd and try as I might, I couldn't spark any interest from him. It's such a blow when you try to seduce your man only to get knocked back. And then on top of that I feel like I am totally kidding myself for even caring. And I'm really confused about why this is upsetting me so much, when I thought I was doing so well with the thought of letting this all go.

    Does anyone here understand any of this? I fell really lonely too, as my usual helpers, well I feel like I can't really talk about this perspective with them. I don't know if this is the right place, or if better in the password protected area?



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  2. #2
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    I can relate.
    I am on the totally there end though..I am just starting into the ivf, but after trying for 6 years naturally... And finding issue after issue with me and my hubby...it's frustrating and annoying when all you hear from the people around you is... Just relax and stop worrying about it and it will just happen... But for some people it doesn't and just because they didn't have any issues doesn't mean it's going to work for you...

    I don't believe by you going to see a naturopath or still trying to arouse you hubby for the odd chance is bad to get your hopes up... Because even if your don't getting your hormones and health back on track from all of the stimulation and being all over the place can't be a bad thing...I would recommend seeing an acupuncturist as well... If you haven't before... Let them get your body and mind back in control and then see how you feel in 6 to 8 months... Your body might be ready then for an FET and for it yo stick...

    It's natural to feel the way you are.... Especially with as long as you have been trying... Sometimes a good break for some positive Healy is all that is needed... Meditation is always a good way to help get things off your mind as well... I like the things from circle and bloom if you haven't checked them out...

    Good luck...

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  4. #3
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    I can also relate but will come back later n post. .

  5. #4
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    Hi franniesplace, I can relate too! We've been trying for ages, did 5 ivf cycles, after the last one I decided I just couldn't do it anymore but like you we also have some frozen embryos... We're trying naturally now for 6 months & are supposed to be stopping for good after that. Bizarrely I'm off to a naturopath next week too! I'm seeing her more for my general health but my hormones etc are all tied up with that too. After our last cycle I felt I was totally done & would be ok with not having children but since then I've had days where I wonder what if & think about the frozen embryos etc - I think it's just so complicated & natural for us to have conflicting emotions at this stage? DP & I decided to take all pressure away so I don't chart/work out when it's best to dtd (which is really hard after being so regimented!). Not sure if that would help in your situation if you did it for a couple of months? Big hugs from me as I know it is hard & that very few people you meet in real life can even begin to understand. All the best with the naturopath & hope it helps to know you are not alone

  6. #5
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    You girls have nailed it. Especially you maybebaby! I think I may remember you from an old ivf thread... Maybe we cycled together, back when I was all naive and thought it would work first go for us. You seem to be in much the same place as me.

    I'm finding now too that we are starting to tell people we are giving up everyone tells us the stories about people they know who tried for x years and gave up and then it happened for them... That's now overtaking from the old 'just relax' as the new most annoying thing people say.

    We have never really done a massive amount of charting though due to hubby's one shot approach, so I just try to get him in the mood around that time and hope for the best. I'm lucky to have pretty obvious signals and regular cycles that I don't need to track too much to know where I'm at. But we are also just trying to get back in the swing of 'enjoying each other for the sake of it' rather than for other motives. I sort of feel like it's one of our rights as kidfree adults, that we should have a good sex life. We both just had a really good talk about it actually so at least he knows how I feel now.

    My thoughts on the naturopath are the same... I have always suffered migraines and a tendency towards depression, both of which I'm sure are hormonal. I'm thinking I may be oestrogen dominant, so we've done a heap of tests and I'm going back next week to discuss the results. Found out as well that after 2 1/2 years of taking supplements I'm still vitamin d deficient, which no one ever suggested double checking! I kind of hope she can do something that may help us become one of those stories about people who stopped ivf and then it happened.

    But then I struggle... I feel like I'm supposed to one or the other, ttc or not and some days I don't know which I am. It's really good to hear I'm not alone in this weird place where I'm mostly ok with it but sometimes not. I was feeling so lost this week.


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    Frannie, you are in such a hard place. My story is a bit different, but I guess I wanted to say if you don't quite think you're done, don't give up just yet. We found out we needed to do ICSI due to mfi but it took me nearly 2 years and a lot of grief to get DH to agree. We were very fortunate to have a baby after 2 cycles. When we started trying for number 2, we thought it would happen again fairly easily but 8 cycles later - nothing. We were about to give up but I just couldn't let go and thought something must be being missed. My eggs had deteriorated ALOT but we still transferred some good looking bladts early on that didn't implant. By the end, my numbers were low and very poor quality but I couldn't stop. Anyway, we changed FS to someone who also thought something else was happening. He ordered a very specialised ultrasound and I was diagnosed with adenomyosis, endo in the uterus, which interferes with impkantation. 6 months of meds to treat it, and I'm now 31 weeks from a very average embie that could finally implant. We were so close to walking away and obviously I'm so glad we didn't. If the new FS couldn't offer sonething else, we would have, but I needed to know I'd tried a second opinion. I really hope you get your happy ending. This is such an awful rollercoaster journey. I wish you luck in making a decision.

  8. #7
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    Hi Im another who understands where you coming from… Although slightly different. I have 2 children through IVF, after many years ttc naturally, we then started on clomed, iui’s then hit the Big time of IVF.. We only did 3 full cycles but like many others had years of ttc naturally then clomed iui etc. However in those 3 full cycles and many many fet were are very lucky and proud to have 2 children in our arms.
    After the 2nd full cyle I had server OHSS and then I had 2 MMC and 1 ectopic.. It dearly cost us our relationship, my sanity and not to forget my health.. So we both agreed 1 more then that’s it !!By this stage I was seeing a psych.. I was a nut case!!!! It was my worst cycle in regards to eggs on pick up and fertilisation embies after 5 days, we did however get another beautiful girl that I delivered by emerg c at 30+5 gest.. So with only I embie on ice I managed to convince hubby to do our last FET.. So I was busy googling my brains out and going back over my notes as to what to eat, do not do, what pills blah blah blah.. So 2010 I continued with my pills and my naturopath and pills from the FS.. It worked it worked.. not without it’s early bleeding stresses.. past the 12 wk scan ok… But it wasn’t to be .. my baby passed away.. I didn’t even notice.. My baby was the size of a 15wk old.. But I was 20wks.. Oh how I sunk into the deep depths of depression once again…..since then I have begged and pleaded with hubby for one more try… but no.. But like you and all the other ladies posting here… that tiny speck of hope… that tiny glimmer of hope from other people, those stories you hear, get told quite often, those oop’s, those miracle’s that happen when you least expect it. So since then.. I’ve google some more miracles about people conceiving with 1 scarred tube.. so ive been seeing a homeopath to help with the scarring and help conceive.. But like you op.. Im withered and extremely worn.. month after month after month.. .This urning to try for another.. This dream to fullfilll my life plan is dragging me along by the chains. Every which way I turn there is a pregnant belly and again my mental status worsens and worsens and I step into my deep hole that no one knows about or understands cause I have 2 children. Our invisible scares are so deep that no one can see them. So NO you are NOT alone.. we are all here trying to live the life we didn’t think was meant for us. But now in a new year Im trying to move on.. trying to find a new career and to study and make the most of what is left with my life.. My time is ticking and Im not getting any older. Slowly very very slowly Im pulling away from using my OPK, and timing intercourse, however I am still seeing the homeopath.. I know that’s the last line that I need to cut and let my cycles be free to be long and irregular as they please… Sending all the ladies here BIG HUGS !!!!

    Also my FS nurse said something that's stuck in my head very early in the start of IVF.. do alllllllll you can cause once your 50 it's to late. You'll need to be able to sit on deckchair and know what you did ALLLLLL you can to have a family.. I can now very comfortably say that "I did all I can with the recourses I had to have my family"
    Octoberbaby.. excellent suggestion of changing FS...
    Not sure if this post has helped any frannies

  9. #8
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    I know what you mean. I feel beaten by it, like its a problem I couldn't solve. I know that's not the right reason to keep going. It feels like a habit that's hard to break. It consumes you for so long, it really is hard to switch it off. Since new years I've been pretty good and busy and social and not really been thinking about it. In fact we've had so many fun weekends that we couldn't have had before or if we had kids, where I didn't have to worry about where I was in my cycle before we accepted invitations and could eat and drink what I liked. I've felt lighter and happier than I have in a long time without it hanging over me, but somehow it's still there lurking in the background. I feel like maybe I'll feel like this with every ovulation and every period for God knows how long to come...

    For some background for you all, we have done three stims, each with a different specialist, 5 day 5 blasties and three day 2 transfers. We have also had a consult with another specialist interstate who has a reputation for thinking outside the box, but no new suggestions there. We had an ectopic on our first attempt and another was a chemical, the rest Bfn's. I've tried tcm and acupuncture, plus every herb and vitamin you can imagine. We have had icsi each time and ended up with "textbook" embies. I've also tried prednisolone and an endo scratch and had a laparoscopy. Trust me, we've tried pretty much everything. You know, when started this, we didn't even think there was anything wrong on my side of things. It was just due to mfi . Hence why we are at the end. The only remaining options are expensive and beyond our means, emotionally as well as financially. Everyone has different limits to how far they can go... No offence, but not really looking for suggestions as I'm well past that point.

    I had a mental health plan and counselling with a psychologist, but we wound that up as I had started to reach the place where I was ok and accepting that now is the time to start living our lives again, begin to shape this new childfree world of ours. I felt like my whole adult self was on hold waiting for becoming a parent to be a catalyst of some sort. I just want to see some progress in my life, some goals that do come to fruition, after so long focusing on this one that hasn't and I have no control over.

    It's really hard when you don't know the 'why'. That doesn't help.

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  10. #9
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I hope it's ok to post and I am sorry this hasn't been easy for you but have you explored PGD testing?

    Lots of

  11. #10
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    Yep, pgd is the last remaining option which is beyond our means. We can't afford another stim cycle and don't want to go there emotionally anyway. We had to draw the line. Our last stim was through the fertility centre in Sunshine which is one of the cheaper option clinics and we could barely afford that. They aim for low numbers of eggs as part of their low cost protocol so we thought it would be one single last ditch shot, but actually ended up with two more blasties from it as I'm a pretty good responder. There are no guarantees with pgd anyway, for the extra cost. No, not for us.

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