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  1. #21
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    What age do you think it's ok to smack a child...when do you start when do you think it needs to stop?
    Depends on the child.

    How do you smack? Hands, spoon etc?
    Hands. On occasion I will make dd1 go and get the wooden spoon but the action of getting it is enough and it's not used.


    Should it hurt them?
    No, it shouldn't HURT them. My kids get a good tap, not enough to actually hurt but enough that it gets their attention. It's more a shock when they are at that point where I need to smack "oh crap mum means business".

    Should it leave a mark?
    No. Sometimes it does leave a red mark but is gone within a few seconds.


    Should you explain why before or after or not at all?
    They get several warnings before, if nothing else has worked, and afterwards I do try to talk to them about why i did it.


    If they do not listen after being smacked what do you do next?
    It normally does the trick. In the rare occasion they still continue with the behaviour they are sent to their room and told if they continue they will get another smack.


    What are some examples of reasons why you would smack?
    If all other methods (redirection, warnings, time out, removal of toys/tv etc) have failed. I really do only try to use it as a very last resort.

    if you were given resources to implement that would effectively discipline your child without smacking would you use them?
    As mentioned our family only tries to use it as a last resort so we do try to use other forms of discipline.



    Me + he = dd1 (July 07), dd2 (July 10), dd3 (August 13), dd4 (due may 14)

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    See this is what I don't understand. How is a smack supposed to work if you don't hurt the child and they don't seem bothered by it? To me a smack means hurting the recipient to the point where they stop what ever unacceptable behaviour they're doing and focus on the smack which was painful enough for them not to want to do that behaviour again. Isn't that the whole point?

    HAnd another thing, how can it be used to prevent behaviour? You wouldn't exactly smack a child BEFORE they tried to play with the dog water bucket or pool to prevent that happening.

    These are genuine questions. I am not looking for an argument. I have never been smacked or smacked my children so I don't know much about it's effectiveness. I only know what I do works (positive reinforcement, keeping the children engaged and redirecting when I see the first signs that misbehaviour might occur) and therefore I very rarely needing to discipline.
    As Lil Miss said, it is the shock and the situation that shocks the child out of the behaviour and makes the child know you are serious.

    Warnings and other methods are attempted first, so the child knows that NEXT time mum said "No, don't touch the dogs water" she is serious and there WILL be repercussions if it doesn't stop. It is creating a pattern for the relationship. If mum says no, I should stop or I will be in big trouble.

    My child is really too young for a time out and doesn't really understand it anyway. She does understand "mummy has a very serious face and i felt that on my hand."

  4. #23
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    I don't smack and not sure if I will or won't, but I was smacked so I can answer your question from my mum's perspective.

    What age do you think it's ok to smack a child...when do you start when do you think it needs to stop?
    I was smacked from 5 to 8 years old.

    How do you smack? Hands, spoon etc?
    A stick, on the bum.

    Should it hurt them?
    Oh yeah it hurt.

    Should it leave a mark?
    It left mark.

    Should you explain why before or after or not at all?
    Mum always explained before and summed it up after.

    If they do not listen after being smacked what do you do next?
    It worked for me most of the time, but sometimes I forgot and "reoffended" and I knew what was waiting First time 1 smack, second time 2 smacks etc.

    What are some examples of reasons why you would smack?
    Being disrespectful, lying, stealing, doing silly things that I should have known better at that age (like messing up the house when mum was at work).

    if you were given resources to implement that would effectively discipline your child without smacking would you use them?
    I think mum would as she only smacked as the last resort.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    Ok I see. I still don't think it's any more effective then many non-smacking methods though. My children (well really only ds1 because ds2 is too little) know I'm serious and stop the behaviour on "one". For us it's about consistency. He knows something will happen on "three". I can easily shock them and get their attention by clapping my hands and then either remove them from the situation (DS2 in the dog water bowl) or remove the situation from them (take away a toy if they aren't playing nicely). However, as I said earlier, I very rarely need to get to that point. For example, I put the dog bowl up where DS2 can't reach it when they're playing outside and then put it down again when they're inside. DS1 never touches the bowl because he is old enough to understand not to. That way I don't need to discipline them because the situation is avoided from the outset. To me there is no possible situation that can't be managed without smacking.

    Anyway, I've detailed the OP's thread enough and won't continue. Thanks for answering my questions thomasmummy.
    I agree. But to me there is more immediate result. Ie the behaviour is quickly dismissed and doesn't repeat. What takes one or two smacks effects what may take 7 time outs.

    Clapping would absolutely not effect my kid and would probably make it more of a game.

    As I said, for me personally I do not like the "removing the item from them" because it reinforces the you can mess with EVERYTHING in your surroundings, as opposed to there are somethings you need to respect and you cannot touch. I find this helpful when going to grandparents houses and other peoples houses because they don't have to child proof so they need to learn that they cannot touch some things. I also believe that a child works in to my life, not the other way around.

    Every one knows their own child and what works for one, may not work for others.

  6. #25
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    Q: What age do you think it's ok to smack a child...when do you start when do you think it needs to stop?
    A: I'm going to say 3.5 because that's how old DD was when she got her first smack.


    Q: How do you smack? Hands, spoon etc?
    A: Hand


    Q: Should it hurt them?
    A: no


    Q: Should it leave a mark?
    A: Defiantly not


    Q:Should you explain why before or after or not at all?
    A: I don't explain, I usually apologise. "Sorry I smacked you but you weren't listening"


    Q: If they do not listen after being smacked what do you do next?
    A: havnt experienced this yet


    Q: What are some examples of reasons why you would smack?
    A: really naughty things or if she won't listen

    Q: if you were given resources to implement that would effectively discipline your child without smacking would you use them?
    A: yes, & I do, emotion coaching, time out, a sympathetic ear, talking her through disputes, everything, 123 magic! I rarely smack but i do sometimes & think at those times it's warranted. I also want to mention it's never been hard enough to make DD cry, it's more Iike I slap her hand away from me to get her attention.

  7. #26
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    I also agree with the philosophy of not removing everything (toxic substances, drowning risks etc should be removed/locked away though) however have been able to teach my child to be respectful of these things using positive reinforcement as the primary method of behavior management. Only once in her 6 years did I catch DD playing with my crystal figurines, I told her off but then I bought her her own glass figurine that she has learnt to look after appropriately. She's had it for more than 3 years now without a chip. My DD is quite 'high spirited' too, I understand that some kids are more passive naturally but that's not her! DS is only 8 months and he may make me eat my words yet, but I'm.hoping the same techniques will work on him too.

    Assuming your child is still quite young, linking back to the OP's last question, are you intetested in other methods that may be more effective as she grows up?

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    Do people really believe a tap and a smack are the same thing? I don't associate the two. If someone tapped me on the hand as a child it would not have made me notice. To me a tap is a tap like when you tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention. I was smacked... and when I was smacked, I was belted with a stick , a leather belt with the buckle turned around on me, a broom, a hand, a fly swat, the end of a broken fishing rod, grabbed by the hair etc. (ok yes abuse I know now that I'm older.)
    I was also abused by my dad and smacking/the belt etc was one of his tools of abuse. My mum however would use the occasional smack on our but respectfully and appropriately, so I was always open to smacking as a discipline method.

    After I found it ineffective for my eldest plus now that I am a teacher and required to maintain a safe learning environment for up to 33 children at once without using corporal punishment, it's really off the table for me now.

    Interestingly my mum studied and became a teacher when we were in our teens and she also now believes smacking is not necessary.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. #28
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    I don't understand parents who say don' t hit, and follows on with a smack

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  11. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ajmaratt View Post
    Zephyr3 yes you are totally correct it would be very unethical!!
    All good! Thanks for editing your original post to make it a bit clearer where you're coming from

  12. #30
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    Thanks ladies. I've not had any real experoemce with smacking and I think it's really vital for me to understand it. I also forgot to ask how often...roughly.


 

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