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  1. #11
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    I tried using a single smack to the clothed bottom when my child was around 2. She was repeatedly climbing onto the table and risking falling onto our hard floors. At the time I felt like I had tried everything else (redirection, time out, removing toys, yelling, etc)

    It was terrible. Not only did it do nothing to stop the undesirable behavior she then started hitting us and also the dog.

    I was studying teaching at the time and reading about using positive reinforcement for behavior management so decided to give it a try. It took a big mental shift to make sure I noticed and rewarded the positive behaviors instead of just reacting when she did the wrong thing but it worked! So I think that answers the last question about having alternate tools and using them.

    FYI as a teacher bound to report any abuse I would be required to report if a child was being struck with a spoon (or cord, belt, stick etc).

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  3. #12
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    Ok sorry I should been more clear that I'm only looking for people who do smack, ill go back and edit my original post.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ajmaratt View Post
    Ok sorry I should been more clear that I'm only looking for people who do smack, ill go back and edit my original post.
    lol, yep, you're going to get a lot of people who don't belong sticking their nose in.

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  6. #14
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    MrsHoward is offline If all I have is you, then I have everything
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    I bet there are people that would oppose smacking but condone CIO or CC....i think they are one in the same....but thats a whole different Thread

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsHoward View Post
    I bet there are people that would oppose smacking but condone CIO or CC....i think they are one in the same....but thats a whole different Thread

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    See I'm opposite,I could never do CC or CIO but I have no issue with smacking (under very certain circumstances certainly not all the time and certainly not so it hurts them)

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ajmaratt View Post
    Ok sorry I should been more clear that I'm only looking for people who do smack, ill go back and edit my original post.
    Good luck with your research, however I think you'll find that there are not many people on here who smack, and those that do that probably won't say anything for fear of getting lynched by the people that don't. That's how it usually goes around here, sorry.

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  11. #17
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    I smacked DD maybe 3 or 4 times when she was 2-3 yo (so about 4 times in two years). She is now 7. Each time I smacked her I felt enormously guilty, explained to her why I did it and apologised. For me, smacking involved an open hand on a clothed and nappied bum. It always occurred after a long battle with us both being stubborn and me eventually losing my temper. It took my a while to realise that as the adult in the situation, I set the emotional tone of our home and could choose not to "buy in" to her tantrums by essentially having a tantrum myself. In hindsight, I'm embarrassed by my behaviour. While I don't believe that smacking in that context (very infrequent use of physical discipline in an otherwise very loving home) is necessarily harmful, I do believe it is an ineffective discipline strategy that's often more about the parents' loss of control of their temper than teaching a child how to behave. This is certainly what smacking represented in our home.

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  13. #18
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    I will be honest. I smack. I was smacked. I was a well behaved child and it was infrequent but certainly there as a kid. I hold NO animosity to my parents. and I am extremely close with both of them. they were equal disciplinarians and I respect them and their parenting decisions. I am also 100% with them making the decision to smack my child when in their care.

    I disagree that it is lazy parenting. I am there, I am involved I have handed out warnings I am involved in attempts to cease the behaviour. The converse of sitting there and saying "No. No. Stop that. Please Stop that or you will get a time out, Okay have a time out." 4 seconds later
    "Okay you have had a long enough time out" that is lazier.


    What age do you think it's ok to smack a child...when do you start when do you think it needs to stop?

    It is an individual thing. The child needs to understand why it is happening, and not just think "Why is mum hurting me?" For my child that occurred around 1. She would clearly look at me when doing something wrong and smirk. She would receive a number of warnings and only as a last resort she would be tapped on the hand firmly and told no.


    How do you smack? Hands, spoon etc?
    I use my hand.


    Should it hurt them?
    No. The smack should be proportionate to the child. My child has NEVER cried as a result of the smack. Only from being removed from the situation that she clearly wanted to continue to do.

    Should it leave a mark?
    No. Never.

    Should you explain why before or after or not at all?
    As with most things with a child, where possible, absolutely, warnings are given. and countdowns etc. the smack is the last option and explanations of what they are doing wrong and why they should stop are first.

    If they do not listen after being smacked what do you do next?
    It is yet to happen. I imagine it is like, what happens after a parent gets to three...

    What are some examples of reasons why you would smack?
    I have smacked where my child refuses to stop doing something such as messing with the dogs water when we are in the yard and needs to understand that the bucket of water is not a toy. TO me it is not as simple as removing the water, it is about teaching respect for it. Removing it does not teach my daughter not to touch it. It teaches her that she can mess with anything in her surroundings. What happens when it is an item that CANNOT be removed or my child CANNOT be distracted from it, a pool etc.

    It also happens when she continually touches breakable things. She gets told no several times and then her hand is tapped.

    I think retrospective smacking is stupid. Ie "my child tried to run out in front of a car." That is smacking out of emotion, not to PREVENT behaviour.

    if you were given resources to implement that would effectively discipline your child without smacking would you use them
    those resources are freely available. I have found a disciplinary regime that is effective for my family.
    Last edited by thomasmummy; 13-02-2014 at 11:05.

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  15. #19
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    Do people really believe a tap and a smack are the same thing? I don't associate the two. If someone tapped me on the hand as a child it would not have made me notice. To me a tap is a tap like when you tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention. I was smacked... and when I was smacked, I was belted with a stick , a leather belt with the buckle turned around on me, a broom, a hand, a fly swat, the end of a broken fishing rod, grabbed by the hair etc. (ok yes abuse I know now that I'm older.)

  16. #20
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    I think a tap on the hand is the 1 year old equivalent of smacking. When she is older she will ( smacked on the bus. As I said it is proportioned to the child.


 

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