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    Default Age gaps between siblings the good and bad

    Hi all

    We have started our fet cycle today and as excited as I am at the prospect of another lo im getting really nervous and in a panic about the age gap. If we get our bfp there will be a 21 month age gap between dd and newbie.
    We always wanted at least 3 los though I suffered pnd quite bad with dd and lately ive been thinking of this and getting scared and losing sleep. Has anyone been through this and coped? I feel great now and like a really good mum to my dd but i really dont want to neglect her or miss out.
    Like to hear some stories and advice please
    Tia

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    Bump :')

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    It really depends on the child's personality not the age I think.
    Obviously though toddlers are more work physically but I think you will get through ok. Adding a new baby takes a lot of adjusting for any sibling regardless of age. Sometimes the younger the better, they are more accepting.
    My closest gap is 2 years and it wasn't too bad. My daughter was not outwardly jealous, she was still in nappies, so there were nappies everywhere but I think it was probably the best gap in a lot of ways.
    Good luck!

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    olismumma  (11-02-2014)

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    There will be just over a 2 year age gap between my kiddo's. In hindsight it would have been nice to have a gap of 3 or 3.5 years (basically when the oldest is toilet trained and a bit more independent). Then again I'm getting old and didn't feel like I had the luxury of time.

    Have you talked to your partner about your worries?

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    olismumma  (11-02-2014)

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    Hi olismumma I only have the one bub (6 months old) at the moment, so my advice is not tried and tested! So this is purely coming from my thoughts as my husband and i are currently talking about starting to TTC again. Firstly, completely understandable that you are questioning if you are doing the 'right' thing! its a daunting thought to have 2 children that rely upon you for everything. I think having a newborn and another child is going to be somewhat 'difficult' no matter what age your first child is. There will be hurdles and hard times no matter what age the first born is when the second comes along. However, I think being your second child you already know what your getting yourself in for, so it won't be as 'unknown' and you will be more confident. Being closer in age they will be able to play together and hopefully have a close relationship. In regards to PND - it's great you are feeling good now and I'm sure knowing that you've had it before you will know signs to look out for if you start feeling that way again. I think, your busy with 1 - you may as well be busy with 2! Good luck with your FET!

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    I've done a 20 month age gap. It was hectic to start with and I did struggle a bit in the first year but I'm really happy with the age gap now (it worked out that they're a year apart at school as I held my older one back)

    They are great friends, but also very competitive!

    I did feel like I was neglecting my first child when #2 came along...but I would have felt this way regardless of the gap (eg. if we'd have waited 5 years I probably would have thought "DD#1 is just starting school. It's the wrong time to introduce a sibling" etc)

    I also felt a bit of guilt that I didn't spend enough one-on-one time with my first baby, but then I realised that out of our 3 kids, she's had the most one-on-one time with us (ie. my second baby didn't get any days on her own with me until her sister started preschool)

    I've also done a 3 year age gap. I actually found that harder because I had 2 children that could feed and dress themselves, sleep through and were toilet-trained and I was back at work. Then suddenly I had a newborn and was back to the newborn stage.


    ETA:
    Quote Originally Posted by Kellbell85 View Post
    However, I think being your second child you already know what your getting yourself in for, so it won't be as 'unknown' and you will be more confident.
    Yes, this. I found the newborn stage easier to handle the second time round. None of my babies have been great sleepers but I felt more confident and knew what to expect because we'd been though it less than 2 years before.
    Last edited by sky1; 11-02-2014 at 11:04.

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    olismumma  (11-02-2014)

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    Ive had a 26 month gap and 1 month short of 3yrs gap. The 26 month gap was by far the easiest. Im struggling more this time because DS2 who is 3.5yrs old doesnt nap and im exhausted. With a 26 month gap I had naps synced from 3 weeks old where they would both have at least 1 nap a day together.

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    olismumma  (11-02-2014)

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    Thanks for all the replies :-)

    Its made me feel so much better hearing your thoughts.
    Im pretty lucky as dd slept through from 6 months though if it took any longer I probably would've ended up in a mental institution. She has had reflux since birth and also a problem kidney so lots of appointments. She is also an extremely clingy baby!
    I think I get myself so worked up that I will get stuck in that place again but I need to remember that it does pass. I thought id love having a newborn but it sucked! I could've never imagined it being so hard!



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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    There will be just over a 2 year age gap between my kiddo's. In hindsight it would have been nice to have a gap of 3 or 3.5 years (basically when the oldest is toilet trained and a bit more independent). Then again I'm getting old and didn't feel like I had the luxury of time.

    Have you talked to your partner about your worries?
    Hi vicpark

    Thanks for your reply :-)
    Dh is very supportive either way luckily. I also feel like I dont have the luxury of time with 7 embryos and 3 years to use them we would love to get another 3 los without having to go through a full stim cycle again. I originally wanted 3 year age gap though

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    I have a 27 month age gap between my two, and the closer DS2 gets to 1 (he's 10 months atm) the easier it is getting.

    It was pretty tough at the start. The bad - 2 in nappies, 2 very dependant on you, neither get your undivided attention, and often 1 or the other or both are crying about something. I wore DS2 for the majority of his first 3/4 months of life, because it made life so much easier. He slept whenever he needed to, was very settled and quiet, and I had my hands free to play with DS2 or clean or whatever.

    The upsides were that DS1 very quickly forgot what life was like without a little brother, and there weren't any jealousy issues. DS1 was, and still is, having 1 big day nap - so if I could get them to sleep at the same time I had a little time to have a quiet cuppa. If not, it mean't DS2 got a little one-on-one time. My biggest worry was how DS1 was going to cope with 'sharing' his mum, having been the centre of our world for 2 years, but he fell in love very quickly with his little brother and I just had to accept I wasn't super-mum and couldn't be everywhere/ do everything at once. They keep each other entertained a lot of the time now, and will be able to play more and more as DS2 gets older.

    I'm sorry, I have no experience with PND, but maybe that is something you could talk to your care providers about. Having had a history of PND there may be some kind of plan they can put in place for you before bub even arrives to help you cope?

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    olismumma  (11-02-2014)


 

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