It's so easy for us to all say to leave (which I do agree is probably what you need to do as soon as you can), but I know it's a million times harder for you to actually do it, it's never as simple as packing up and moving on, even if that is what you want.
I don't think you should hesitate to post here if you need help, or just need somewhere to vent, I can't imagine the BH community not supporting you if and when you need it.
Another thing that is easy for us to say but I totally understand if you can't believe it right now - you do deserve better, and you can make new choices for yourself and your children to be happier. You're stronger than you think!
I hope the next couple of days gives you a bit of a break, stay safe