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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    I appreciate that and not meaning to offend.
    Just from op posts doesn't seem she is listening?
    I've been there myself and had a close friend in a very similar situation to op I can empathise for sure.
    Maybe some of the replies are from people who know of this lady on this forum, where as I'm only new here. Just my outside opinion and it's sad if people are trying to help and are genuinely concerned and no one is listening.
    I'll say no more
    I know you came from a good place (it was obvious) that's why I included that bit..... Welcome to bh

  2. #72
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    Can I tell you a story OP?

    So just recently my very best friend in the world told me how horrible things were with her DH. All the horrible things he would say to her, not to mention do to her. How she would feel. But for reasons I can't understand, she loves him so, and didn't want to leave him. She kept saying he would change. She, like you, was apart from him for a bit. Here and there. On and off. He never changed. When he got back he would put on a show for maybe a week. He'd wine and dine but then he would be worse than the time before. But she couldn't give him the flick.

    None of us know your full story. But from what we've heard, he sounds like your typical lousy man, we have all known one, been with one or had a friend with one. All we can do is be your encouragement, be your support. Be a chorus behind your doubts saying "YOU ARE RIGHT! WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG!"

    Please, listen to the chorus. Reach out the to the numbers the ladies give you, the advice, you are your own warrior. We cannot come to the battlefield with you but we can prep you before hand, make sure you're properly equipped and at the end, we can congratulate you and tell you how great the other side is now you've won. Won for yourself and your kids.

    I sound a bit, full on. Like I said, I've just been through this with my best friend. In the 10 plus years I've known here, this is the happiest she's even been and its because she finally got herself out from something that was slowly crushing her beautiful soul and esteem.

    Start small, like someone just suggested, forget cleaning, washing whatever, go do something nice for you, for your child/ren (I am so sorry I can't recall). It'll be the first glimpse into the sunshine I swear. And remember, we are all here, the chorus, the support after the battle. Whenever that is.

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  4. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    It kinda doesn't sound like you're ready to let this go so I'm thinking maybe all this concern from the kind ladies here is wasted.
    Sorry if that sounds mean but if you're not in that place no amount of encouragement or advice will help you.
    Maybe you are just looking for some needed attention and a sounding board at the moment.
    I truly hope if things worsen you will think of the children and make a move of some sort.
    But yeh I think whatever anyone can say to help you has been said, maybe you're not ready to hear it yet.
    You are saying exactly what I was thinking. In my experience with the OP I've come to this conclusion too.

    OP I really hope you get some clarity soon.

    ETR some details.
    Last edited by Lauzy; 10-02-2014 at 18:59.

  5. #74
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    Thanks ladies 😊
    My close friend took a while to realise there was no hope, sometimes it takes many years.
    I wish op all the best truly.

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  7. #75
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    You sound like you are scared of him. Maybe you can turn that fear into righteous anger and strength.

    You know, if you can, the best thing you can do IMO is disengage, smile brightly and don't let his words have power over you. Let him be angry and feel the effects of his own poisonous mood, and imagine a little protective bubble of light and positivity that deflects all of his attempts to project his sense of self-worthlessness onto you. Easier said than done, I know, but it gets easier over time. Don't give him what he wants and beg him to stay. If he threatens to leave, you can simply say 'if you think that's for the best' or 'if you feel you need to leave I understand'. When he puts you down, you don't have to justify yourself. He is wrong about you. Let him be wrong. He is not worthy of you and your time. Just know in your heart he is wrong.

    You deserve better. You are worth more. If you feel strong enough perhaps you can go and stay somewhere else with your children. If not, maybe you can start putting plans into place to leave in the future.

    But I think what he says to you is actually how he feels about himself. You don't have to give his words power. I'm not saying they shouldn't hurt, because I know that they do.

  8. #76
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    OP, is this really how you want to live the rest of your life? He is not going to change, so its either a case of get used to it, or start making plans to get out and live a healthy and happy life with your kids.

    I wish you all the best. I know it cant be easy, but if you were my best friend I'd be doing everything in my power to get you out of there.

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  10. #77
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    Hope all is ok OP - how did things go when he came home? Did he leave?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauzy View Post
    You are saying exactly what I was thinking. In my experience with the OP I've come to this conclusion too.

    OP I really hope you get some clarity soon.

    ETR some details.
    You posted a post before don't know where it has gone ....but I did respond to you a while ago it was a rather large response on my behalf....I am on my phone posting ATM and my laptop is getting fixed so I can't find the message.
    I didn't get a response back (well what I thought) and I backed off thinking that I bombarded you with my long winded message .. . Sorry....



    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by RuffledPansy; 11-02-2014 at 15:42.

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  13. #79
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    To be honest ladies I have been.a bit apprehensive about coming back and posting because of some of the responses. ...it has made me feel worse I know my situation is bad saying leave and doing it is hard....He did come back and fell asleep on the bed went to work the next day leaving his bags on the bedroom floor....He has now thrown a few clothes together and headed of to his business trip for work and won't be back till Thursday....I still think that he will come back and get the rest of his clothes.and go....

    I am alone and have no one to talk to no family or friends and I have 4 kids I hate the position that I am in and hate the choices that I have made my.kids deserve better and I hate that I didn't. Choose a better father for them ...

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    I couldn't read that and not send you some hugs. Remember we can't change the past, but we still have control over our own future. Good luck with everything.

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