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  1. #41
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    Can't remember if I've posted this poem here. This one helped me significantly after the loss of my baby & tube ...

    Here it is- ....

    In the wrong place at the right time
    Hoping, praying for such a long time
    for the someday baby who would be mine.

    Month after month failing the test
    trying so hard refusing to rest
    But then came a day when the lines became two
    at last my dream was about to come true.

    With my hand on my belly I was touching my baby to be
    and looking forward to the day when you I would see.

    But then came the pain so sharp and so strong
    I couldn't believe that things could go wrong
    My baby is growing the heartbeat echoes in my heart
    but baby was not where baby should start.

    How could this happen, when for so long I had dreamed
    Please don't take my baby I begged and I screamed
    Can you not fix this, can you save the life?
    the pain cuts through me as sharp as a knife.

    They tell me that I will die if it is not done
    so instead of two I once again become one
    I will always remember that you wanted to be
    but you had to go because instead they saved me.

    I loved you so, and I think of you every day
    my teeny tiny baby who got lost on the way.

    In heaven there is angel of mine
    who was in the wrong place at the right time.


    -Kathy Burmer

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LysnDan For This Useful Post:

    mrsmac123  (11-03-2014),PinkPopsicle  (10-03-2014),Precious40  (09-04-2014)

  3. #42
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  4. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    sorry hunni
    I cried all the way thru it too.
    It is really written well.

  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by LysnDan View Post
    sorry hunni
    I cried all the way thru it too.
    It is really written well.
    it's ok it's beautiful all the same.

  6. #45
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    Thanks Lysndan that pretty much says it all and thanks delirium for your good vibes. I am excited about ivf but I must say I am very pessimistic/negative about it and honestly I am afraid to even want to change that because its like setting myself up for more devastation., I would rather have a big surprise that it worked so to speak. With my rupture I have more problems with the almost dying aspect than the tube/baby loss because..even though it was a surprise being that it was meant to be in the damn right place... that tube had one before and with the bub..my family were all atitter but I was much more grounded.,., I guess also because I got bfp at 12dpo...it was less than 2 weeks later I started to say goodbye so by the time of the rupture 11 days after my mc diagnosis I was trying to get a d and c...at being the 3rd one and at my age I have purposely been psyching myself to pick myself up fast as I gave up 6 years ago so also have to deal with egg age issues so I wish I had not looking back...I need to be able to just go again. Mind you my sister is due on the 15th march looking big and beautiful its very hard as I keep thinking how unfair it is. Why cant it be me. And typical a lady I work with got her bfp..a week after mine and shes going strong so I know when she has hers mine would have been born then...

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    Last edited by mrsmac123; 12-03-2014 at 06:03.

  7. #46
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    Mrs mac best of luck hunni xx

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  9. #47
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    MrsMac, I can't quote but I'm finally doing well. I've been avoiding this thread as I hadn't been coping. I have been back at work for 2 weeks have just been able to drive again so things are fairly normal now. DP and I have gone from wanting to TTC, to not, to wanting to again. We have finally committed to TTC from my next cycle. I haven't had a period yet but once I do we will start. It's hard because DDs fathers partner is pregnant and I've seen them twice and cried each time; mostly I am okay though

    How are you? You said your mental health is suffering, have you thought about seeing someone? I sincerely hope IVF works for you MrsMac and that your next pregnancy is sticky. xx

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  10. #48
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    Hi porkypies sorry for slow response my android program only sometimes alerts me of new msgs. Glad you are going to ttc again it can def take the wind out of your sails I wish you all the best and the baby dust. Someone today told me his wife had 5 EP, in all that only lost one tube, 3 cycles of IVF that failed then went on to have 5 perfect kids naturally....geeez..thats the most EP I had heard of ..not at all meant to freak anyone out just to say....dont give up more like it... especially while your eggs are good and youngish.

    After my own experience and reading many others is..be vigilant...doctors are humans and busy if you feel unsure go to another one but be in control and dont be "shutdown" if you have concerns...blood tests should be done ...not weekly either...2 to 3 days apart...I did not know it but have had 2 confirmations since my rupture that in early preg you can... have like a fake sac in your uterus (this evidently fools pple who ****should know better**** or should be more cautious esp with pple with history). Prob also one of the reasons they dont like early scans and bcause its the size of rice however the issue I had with my scan was they definitively said...NO EP... so therefore there was no followup requested of anything.

    Unless you have had an EP youcant understand what its like to potentially have a ticking time bomb in you and pple in the medical field can treat you like a loon. As I said once before 2 of my 3 were picked up first scan the next was a MC but that radioligist at least recommended the scan be repeated in a week....not 3 weeks..not...nope definately no ep... then be wrong...and blood tests I had at same time....

    also I read in many places pple say you will know when you have an EP the pain is excruciating low down, or you feel stabbing and you bleed, shoulder tip pain...well my 1st I had bleeding butno pain, my 2nd nothing, 3rd.., the rupture...no excruciating pain low down until the day I nearly died .at 7.5 weeks.....if anything by then it was over the whole stomach and from standing to vomiting and unable to move in less than 10 mins...I did have painful wind like feelings ABOVE my belly button right at the bottom of rib cage...once 11 days b4 the rupture prompting me to get the useless scan then ever so slightly on and off more like feeling full and indigestion...I lost about 1 teaspoon of blood vaginally..in 11 days....never in all 3 did I get shoulder pain....I dunno I just feel like its something surrounded by myth and lack of knowledge now. I told a lady last week who asked me what an ectopic pregnancy was and I guess I was surprised...shes same age as me with 2 kids...its just not main******.,, when its been an issue for nearly half my life

    Afm mentally ok as focussing on the logistics of the ivf requirements and working and being a good 4 hours round trip travel from the clinic. Really being busy doesnt leave me with a chance to think too much but when I do I can cry at the drop of a hat. Have appt with psychologist again but needed to reschedule because of ivf schedule and shes really hard to see...if the ivf would just work and I dont feel like I am throwing money down the loo....

    Pessimistic me



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  11. #49
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    I heard in hospital after my surgery that i still had a bit of a stump of a tube left but I was led to believe again incorrectly that I would never have an ectopic again.., ie the tube is cut at the uterus ..I received discharge papers the other day 2 months later indicating evidence of fimbriotomy which means the end near the ovary has only been removed which really annoys me...why would they leave anything there and why would the hospital not tell me this when they knew I was going to do ivf the embryo can very definately be sucked up there now ....called the hospital and asked if someone could actually tell me exactly what is there so I can look after myself but ofcourse noone has called

    I really am sick of this **** when my life is at stake

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  12. #50
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    Mrsmac the dr who did my first surgery left a stump, which almost killed me when I had my second. It caused the egg to implant on the outside of my uterus which meant it got a very healthy blood flow, so as my HCG levels were rising quickly they weren't looking for an ectopic and taking their time with scans etc. I ruptured while waiting for a scan and lost so much blood and was just so lucky I happened to in hospital at the time.

    It is so *** dangerous and I don't get why the hell they don't remove everything? Surely it can't be hard. I am still so furious that drs don't seem to take ectopics seriously until you're in hospital almost dying in front of them.


 

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