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  1. #1
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    Default Ectopic Support?

    Hi I have just last Friday had my 3rd ectopic, losing my remaining tube and it had ruptured. I am 41 with no kids and am in a pretty bad place right now. I find there are not many places to go to discuss this is there anyone out there who can relate...even just to a rupture and the experience of nearly dying? I am waiting for a referral to filter through to my psychologist but I am feeling so sad for myself at this minute.

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  2. #2
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    Hi mrsmac, so sorry to hear of your ordeal. I had an ectopic and had the first surgery which was unsuccessful and was booked in for methotrexate but ruptured the day before the appointment. Collapsed in driveway, ambulance came with sirens on. It was very very scary. It took me about 4 weeks to physically recover (lots of iron supps to build up strength from all the blood loss). But it took much longer to heal emotionally with the ordeal of it all.
    Take care of yourself. I am now on the IVF journey and while it is tough it is not quite as bad as I was expecting. Thinking of you, I can't believe you have had to go through 3! Feel free to PM me if you would like to chat. Hugs x

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  4. #3
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    Oh I am so sorry *hugs*
    I've had two and both have ruptured and I still haven't gotten over it. The second I was very close to dying and that still haunts me. I just remember lying there as I was going in and out of consciousness thinking "I'm never going to see my daughter again". It still makes me cry when I think about it now.

    It isn't something that is easy to get over. I've only just realised I need to see someone because I'm still holding onto so many hurt because of mine.

    I hope you can find someone who can help you through it. Where are you based? I know in Perth SJOG have the Raphael centre which is amazing.

    Do you have a good support system in your family? Sometimes you just need to have a good cry and have people let you do that. If you ever need to vent feel free to PM me. Please look after yourself, sending you lots of love x

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    Thanks for replying. Yes I could not believe my body sucks so much, this is the 3rd time I have had the full slice across the lower abdomen, each time needs a few more staples, this time 24. I am stressed about work but at least self employed I have deadlines looming but I cant sit properly and my head is in such a state. I also have a fair amount of anger welling for the gps and radiologist concerned that I could get to the point of rupturing when I got my bfp at 12dpo, a scan at 5 + 4 said MMC not to mention history!!. My DH happened to be home that day on an RDO which was lucky as he would have come home to me dead in bed. At first I thought I was hung up on the part where the docs missed the ectopic, and being so close to death so suddenly but the loss of my last tube is def sinking in now. I have no choice but ivf but money is an issue and so is time.

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    Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear this Mrsmac. Take care of yourself xx

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  9. #6
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    Anjalee thanks for your reply. I am in qld, my family and friends have been great and I know they feel bad for me. My DH said that day was the worst of his life. They are all good but cannot relate to multiple pregnancy loss, ectopic, losing even one tube let alone both...and still being childless.

    Being so sick and blood transfusions are things that happen to other pple...not me right?? I keep having flashbacks of the peace I felt from the pain finally going away in emergency when I realise it was now because I was close to death are causing me not to sleep at night. 2 litres of blood lost, 2.2 to bleed out apparently.

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    I remember when you got your bfp - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and trauma. Wanted to send some hugs. I haven't been through the same - only normal mc's, but it does mess with your head and it's great that you are talking it through with people. I agree - some specialists really need to lose their license.

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    mrsmac123  (08-02-2014)

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsmac123 View Post
    Anjalee thanks for your reply. I am in qld, my family and friends have been great and I know they feel bad for me. My DH said that day was the worst of his life. They are all good but cannot relate to multiple pregnancy loss, ectopic, losing even one tube let alone both...and still being childless.

    Being so sick and blood transfusions are things that happen to other pple...not me right?? I keep having flashbacks of the peace I felt from the pain finally going away in emergency when I realise it was now because I was close to death are causing me not to sleep at night. 2 litres of blood lost, 2.2 to bleed out apparently.

    Sent from my GT-P3110 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I do think it's something that is really hard to relate to. Not only have you lost your baby, but you've gone through a terrifying ordeal. I had a blood transfusion with my second and it's something I still struggle with. It doesn't happen with every rupture though.

    You have even through absolute hell *hugs* the surgery and blood loss alone are something that take time to get over, both physically and emotionally. It's terrifying! I know there are definitely support networks out there, I have a doula friend who recommends going to a group session to discuss pregnancy loss and traumatic experiences. Because it is something that really effects you every single day.

    I wish I could do something to help. It is such an isolating experience I really hope there is a good support network available to you. As I said, please feel free to PM me if you ever need to. Sometimes it's just nice to vent and ask "why me?!". I'm always here to listen x

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  14. #9
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    I am very sorry you all have been through terrible experiences as well. I know that time just passes and all of the sudden you realise life has gone on. Every person on the planet has their own issues and yet you can still feel so alone. I feel very beaten down and well my father in law doesnt appear to get how serious it was "everyone is critical when they have surgery" kind of makes me feel that I dont have much time to feel bad on the outside even about the surgery trauma...loss of tubes...how can most pple understand....they want you to just say you are fine and walking around a bit now thanks...when really, I have just gotten over 6 days of constipation...now the opposite, I cant cough or laugh or rollover or anything...im covered in bruises from needles and drips. Rashes from...bed? Sore scabby nose from 4 days of oxygen from being unable to breathe in deeply because of bruising to my diaphragm from all the blood in my abdomen. Thats the outside...

    I just dont understand how the ultrasound was so off? I know it was early but surely saying "no ectopic visible" but "collapsed sac missed abortion" is conclusive....the doctors only took notice of that, they sent me home to wait for nature to take its course. 9 days later I went back after a hpt was very dark my bhcg was still 15500...wind pains..but no MC happening...no bleeding to speak of...they said come back for hcg in 48 and another scan...ruptured 11 days after the MMC diagnosis....all I keep thinking is I need an explanation

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    Last edited by mrsmac123; 08-02-2014 at 14:48.

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    The thing I hate about ultrasounds is, if you get a crap person doing it, they don't always know what to look for! But, if you have a history I cannot believe they didn't have the best god damn obstetrician they could find performing it!!!

    Have you considered complaining? My first one, I was so badly treated by the drs who ignored my constant complaints after methotrexate, that I then ruptured even though they told me i was fine and kept sending me home. I wrote a letter of complaint, mainly because if I needed IVF I wanted them to be responsible and pay for it! But it meant when I was pregnant next time they kept me in hospital for observation which saved my life when I had a second one, as I ruptured in hospital rather than at work where I was meant to be.

    But I would complain if I was you. I found even writing the letter really helped me feel better. But they also need to accept responsibility for their mess up.

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