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    Default 4YO Behaviour - Advice needed!

    Hi,

    I need help with my DS (turning 4 in few weeks) behaviour.

    He is a very confident, talkative and outgoing little boy but he does have a temper on him.

    He plays very rough, at home and previously at daycare. He has just started pre-school (15 hours per week) and after his first week I was informed he had lashed out at other kids. Sometimes over a toy being taken, other times unprovoked.

    I am genuinely concerned as I don't know how to discipline this behaviour when it happens at pre-school. At home we do use the thinking corner but I don't think it works. He screams, kicks and hits if we take him to the corner but then will stay there and apologise afterwards. But continue to do the undesired behaviour.

    He gets easily frustrated when playing with toys and especially when something doesn't go his way.

    I am worried he will be labelled "that kid" at school, when deep down I know he is a good kid.

    I also have 5 month old twins and we've recently moved interstate so there has been a lot of upheaval, however these behaviours were occurring beforehand too.

    I'm at the point where I don't actually enjoy playing with him or spending time with him. But I also get embarrassed when I collect him from pre-school as I'm so worried about what he's done during the day.

    Any advice or strategies?

    Thanks.

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    I would probably say the move plus the start of school is having an effect. Tiredness could be playing a part too. Its a big step for such little people when they start school.
    My DD went through a phase like this when she started kindy (15 hours/week). I just tried not to put any pressure on her at home. I wouldnt schedual too much after kindy or on her off days. Id still get her to put her clothes in the wash and put the dishes away but that was about it.

    Id say keep reinforcing good behaviour (you seem to have very clear lines/rules) and just wait it out. As he gets used to kindy and his new house he will come around. Its hard i know.

    DD has started pre-primary this year (5 full days a week) and i actually have her home today cos she is just so tired. After school i have been letting her watch tv most of the arvo (the tv wouldnt usually go on until after 4pm) and have a bit of down time.

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    hi sunflower, It is hard to give advice without actually seeing the child and watching how he behaves. Is there any sort of assessment you can have done. It is a very tricky situation as with you also having small babies to deal with, you cant give him full attention. To me, from what you have said, he seems too violent, screaming and kicking before going into the corner is not good behaviour of itself, The corner is meant to be time out from that behaviour. even though he does then settle. I wonder can he control himself at other times. does he play quietly by himself, does he sit and watch tv for a few minutes, 20 mins or so at a time. ?? Does he get enough sleep every night? All of these things can make a huge difference with a child, and on top of the fact that you have moved house. WOW, lots to consider. Marie.

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    Thank you for your responses.

    Yes I agree there have been a lot of changes. I would like to say the behaviour only started after the move but that wasn't the case. But I do think the pregnancy, twins being in hospital about 6 months ago has really escalated it.

    I'm definitely not planning any activities for after pre-school days at the moment.

    Marie - I have booked into Child & Youth Health for a behavioural discussion next week. It's just a discussion at this point, they don't do any diagnosing. However I've done some reading and I really don't think there is anything "wrong" with him per se.

    He is very good at playing by himself, can easily sit and watch a movie or cartoons on TV for quite a length of time. And has always been a good night sleeper, goes to bed around 7.30 pm and wakes at 6.30 am. He used to have great day sleeps for around 1 1/2 hours - 2 hours on non-daycare days but is really fighting them now. I'm hoping on non pre-school days he'll want a day nap. If we're out and about, he easily falls asleep in the car around nap time.

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    I do think you need to find what triggers the behaviour but maybe you need to take a different approach with him. Have you tried 1,2,3 Magic ? If not and you can find a course on it somewhere please investigate it. It does involve a consequence for getting a 3 but it doesn't have to be a "time out". It could be removal of privileges like TV or earlier bed time, removal of favourite toy etc, whatever is his currency. Things like hitting, kicking etc are an immediate 3 so you could discuss with him that if he does any of these things at pre-school it will be a 3 and the consequence will be XYZ. He is at an age where he will understand.
    Last edited by WiseOldOwl; 06-02-2014 at 15:17.

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    coming back if that's ok. You said you don't enjoy playing with him when he does this sort of behaviour. At four, he should be able to understand consequences. Perhaps the thinking corner, needs to be improved or used more often. I would think if you took him away at the very start of any bad behaviour, or if you just walked away from him, took toys away, whatever. Bring his attention to his bad behaviour, and make a zero tolerance sort of practise. talk with him, get down to his eye level, and explain the consequences, and how he can change his habits. If you don't knock it on the head quickly, it can easily get out of hand. My children stopped the day naps about that age, but would still have one every few days, just not every day. You dont have to actually punish him, but you must distract him, divert the bad behaviour into some thing better. The more I think about this, I also remember something about a growth spurt or a testosterone increase at around this age. ?? could be so many things. just try to control what you feel you need to, and have a few chats with the daycare people too. Im sure they want to help you. Marie.


 

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