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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by ButterflyMa View Post
    A little off topic but I'm wondering if you (or any of us) would have the same concern if a friend got "too fat" in Facebook photos?

    Would you ask about their mental health?
    Not a FB friend but an IRL friend (who had an ED history) has put on a lot of weight recently. I've not raised it directly but have in conversation shared about my emotional eating struggles helping her to be comfortable enough to share what's troubling her. She is NOT OK, her weight gain is a symptom of this, and she knows she has me as a friend to talk to about what she is going through.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy RJ View Post
    I'm going to put it out there and say I hate this appalling myob attitude so prevalent in our society.

    sure OP might offend her friend, but I would rather offend someone by genuinely caring how there going then sit back and watch someone get seriously ill, or worse.... because eating disorders can be deadly.

    The worse that can happen is the friend will defriend OP by being offended. I'm sorry but that's a risk I would be willing to take for someone's health and well being. I'm sure she'll come around and realise how much OP cared about her.

    i bet some pp would be up in arms if OP had said "omg my friend is seriously ill, I could see she wasn't well but I didn't want to interfere" etc, etc. I reckon everyone would have been up in arms with OP "oh how could you sit back and not say anything", "why didnt up you say anything OP" etc, etc.

    I just hate the "keep to yourself for fear of intervening attitude". It's getting worse and does nothing for the Good Samaritan.
    This exactly. Showing that you care doesn't mean you are being nosy and it doesn't assume you know anything about why she has lost weight. If you phrase it gently enough she shouldn't get offended. People need to take care of each other.

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Sorry I think you're taking this too personally- the OP is not talking about your situation. She's talking about a woman who she KNOWS has lost a lot of weight recently, who has lost so much weight she can't get through a whole game of hockey. That doesn't sound like just a naturally slim person, rather someone who is unwell.
    The OP never suggested she was going to go in guns blazing, she asked what she should do, she didn't say she was going to stage an intervention.
    OP, I would do as PP suggested and have a casual chat with her, maybe ask her why she's quit hockey and go from there?
    Look, I do understand what you're saying, I really do. I can see there are some differences between me and the girl in question. And I can see that I am probably overreacting, but I do so because I've had soooooo many people who, like the OP, think that it's perfectly ok and a 'nice/caring thing to do', to gently broach the subject of my weight. I can almost guarantee you this girl's weight loss has been mentioned to her by family, friends, and most likely strangers on the street too. You do kinda get over it after a while.

    Like I said before, if we turn this around, and OP had said she has a old friend now FB friend, who used to be slim and athletic, but has started to put on a bit of weight to the point where according to friends, she gets puffed out during sport, and she's starting to look pretty chubby in photos, and that OP is thinking about saying something to this girl about her weight gain because she seems so unhealthy and that she probably has an eating disorder and maybe mental health issues (with no other evidence than weight gain).... I think people would probably agree that this is a bad idea?

  5. #34
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    It's the same as if u notice a friend getting heavier. You don't say anything as it isn't your place. I'm sure even if she has an eating disorder, you commenting on it isn't going to help in any way

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Sorry I think you're taking this too personally- the OP is not talking about your situation. She's talking about a woman who she KNOWS has lost a lot of weight recently, who has lost so much weight she can't get through a whole game of hockey. That doesn't sound like just a naturally slim person, rather someone who is unwell.
    The OP never suggested she was going to go in guns blazing, she asked what she should do, she didn't say she was going to stage an intervention.
    OP, I would do as PP suggested and have a casual chat with her, maybe ask her why she's quit hockey and go from there?
    I agree with this.

    It's lovely that your concerned for your friend and have the guys to lend out a hand when so many people would ignore it.

    It is totally different approaching someone who has always been naturally thin to approaching someone who has all of a sudden lost a noticeable amount of weight when they where already in (what sounds like) good shape.
    THAT is not healthy.

    Set up a lunch date (you can see her food habits then as well). And just talk to her, be open and honest.


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  7. #36
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    I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, as I got sick of being overweight. I thought I looked great, but was told by several family members and friends that I was tooooo skinny. I thought about it and gained back 5 kilos to appease them.

    I look back at photos of me then and completely agree with the concern raised to me.

    Though at the time it was annoying having people say it to me ("They're just jealous", "they don't know", etc). But ij the end I realised they were all my loved ones and they wouldn't be telling me unless they were genuinely concerned.

    If you think she will consider your input to be invaluable, then go ahead. Otherwise perhaps get those closer to her to help her through this time?

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    During my struggles, the best way a friend approached me was by not asking or commenting directly about my weight but just asking how I was. That's it.

    OP, it seems like you have the best intentions. It's great that you care about this person. Just be there for her, be someone she knows she can sit with and just chat with.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Look, I do understand what you're saying, I really do. I can see there are some differences between me and the girl in question. And I can see that I am probably overreacting, but I do so because I've had soooooo many people who, like the OP, think that it's perfectly ok and a 'nice/caring thing to do', to gently broach the subject of my weight. I can almost guarantee you this girl's weight loss has been mentioned to her by family, friends, and most likely strangers on the street too. You do kinda get over it after a while.

    Like I said before, if we turn this around, and OP had said she has a old friend now FB friend, who used to be slim and athletic, but has started to put on a bit of weight to the point where according to friends, she gets puffed out during sport, and she's starting to look pretty chubby in photos, and that OP is thinking about saying something to this girl about her weight gain because she seems so unhealthy and that she probably has an eating disorder and maybe mental health issues (with no other evidence than weight gain).... I think people would probably agree that this is a bad idea?
    I think if that friend had RAPID weight gain and could no longer play a full match, yeah I'd probably ask them how they'd been lately. I would be concerned. It's not about the symptom (body size) it's about what it potentially means. A friend of mine put on loads of weight after she had a miscarriage and was really struggling emotionally. If that was the only outward sign she was struggling, should people tiptoe around and not check up on her? of course not- it was completely clear she was struggling. Rapid weight loss/gain is VERY OFTEN a sign that something is up, I think it's irresponsible to ignore something like that if you think someone is in trouble. I get for you that's not the case, but really I think in the OP's case the weight loss sounds like a symptom of something else.

  10. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I think if that friend had RAPID weight gain and could no longer play a full match, yeah I'd probably ask them how they'd been lately. I would be concerned. It's not about the symptom (body size) it's about what it potentially means. A friend of mine put on loads of weight after she had a miscarriage and was really struggling emotionally. If that was the only outward sign she was struggling, should people tiptoe around and not check up on her? of course not- it was completely clear she was struggling. Rapid weight loss/gain is VERY OFTEN a sign that something is up, I think it's irresponsible to ignore something like that if you think someone is in trouble. I get for you that's not the case, but really I think in the OP's case the weight loss sounds like a symptom of something else.
    Absolutely.

    Rapid weight CHANGE, even if it isn't a sign of something else, is still very unhealthy and can be very dangerous.


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  11. #40
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    I am a person who, at times, has gotten too skinny. As in, bones jutting out, pale, looked sick. My reasons were not an eating disorder, one time was due to extended breastfeeding & DS1 literally sucking all of the fat off my bones.

    But I can say that at the time I did not notice how bad it was. I felt slim, not skinny, and thought I looked great. It wasn't until later, looking back at photos that I realized how skinny I had gotten. It didn't result in any health issues for me but I'm sure if it did then my family would have said something.

    So my point is, she may not realise that she has taken it too far. If she is having health issues as a result I think it's fine to mention it. But she might also think you're talking crazy.


 

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