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  1. #21
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    I wouldn't say anything.
    For example. My auntie is tiny. Size 6 clothes are loose on her. She eats like a horse. I mean eats, eats, eats, eats and never can put on the weight. She doesn't avoid food, but her body frame is naturally thin. She doesn't/ or never had an eating disorder and people comment all the time and she gets offended. I can understand people worrying, but I don't think it's anyone's business.


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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Sorry I think you're taking this too personally- the OP is not talking about your situation. She's talking about a woman who she KNOWS has lost a lot of weight recently, who has lost so much weight she can't get through a whole game of hockey. That doesn't sound like just a naturally slim person, rather someone who is unwell.
    The OP never suggested she was going to go in guns blazing, she asked what she should do, she didn't say she was going to stage an intervention.
    OP, I would do as PP suggested and have a casual chat with her, maybe ask her why she's quit hockey and go from there?
    Totally agree.

    Yes people are naturally skinny, some people could get skinner from being unwell aside from eating disorders but from the sounds of what the OP said it would ring off eating disorder alarm bells in my head too.

    I agree with PP about having a catch up with her to see how she is, don't say she looks too skinny or unwell but perhaps mention that you heard she can't finish a game anymore and you're concerned as you knew how much she enjoyed the sport etc. Best of luck OP

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luminary View Post
    I wouldn't say anything.
    For example. My auntie is tiny. Size 6 clothes are loose on her. She eats like a horse. I mean eats, eats, eats, eats and never can put on the weight. She doesn't avoid food, but her body frame is naturally thin. She doesn't/ or never had an eating disorder and people comment all the time and she gets offended. I can understand people worrying, but I don't think it's anyone's business.

    In this situation I would agree with you however this is not that situation. This is a person who was overweight, sought to lose weight through fitness etc and now seems to have taken it too far. Completely different and IMO warrants a check in.

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  6. #24
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    I'm going to put it out there and say I hate this appalling myob attitude so prevalent in our society.

    sure OP might offend her friend, but I would rather offend someone by genuinely caring how there going then sit back and watch someone get seriously ill, or worse.... because eating disorders can be deadly.

    The worse that can happen is the friend will defriend OP by being offended. I'm sorry but that's a risk I would be willing to take for someone's health and well being. I'm sure she'll come around and realise how much OP cared about her.

    i bet some pp would be up in arms if OP had said "omg my friend is seriously ill, I could see she wasn't well but I didn't want to interfere" etc, etc. I reckon everyone would have been up in arms with OP "oh how could you sit back and not say anything", "why didnt up you say anything OP" etc, etc.

    I just hate the "keep to yourself for fear of intervening attitude". It's getting worse and does nothing for the Good Samaritan.

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    atomicmama  (05-02-2014),Catzilla  (05-02-2014),haveheart  (05-02-2014),PeJu's Mum  (05-02-2014)

  8. #25
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    A little off topic but I'm wondering if you (or any of us) would have the same concern if a friend got "too fat" in Facebook photos?

    Would you ask about their mental health?

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  10. #26
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    I agree with idea of just having dinner or something to catch up and see how she's doing in a general sense, but not specifically asking about her weight loss.

    There was a time a few years ago whrre I was so ridiculously stressed out that I dropped down to only 47kgs (which is very light for me). All my friends just commented on how fantastic I looked!
    I actually would have appreciated someone checking in.

    Best of luck OP

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  11. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    If you're concerned, I'd mention that too her. She may be offended, but I think that's better than someone having an eating disorder and nobody ever mentioning their concern.

    I'd simply say something along the lines of having noticed how much weight she's lost and that I'm a bit concerned about her health. That obviously she may be fine, but if she's not/if she ever needs anyone to talk to then I'd be there.

    With an acquaintance I'm not sure what else you could do, except perhaps talk to some of her friends and see whether they were concerned too.
    I agree 100%

    You never know, if you're hesitant to ask, everybody else could be too! So then she could be struggling and no ones asking her if she's ok!!

    I think you'll have to word it carefully but you should definitely check in on her

    Good luck!

  12. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jellyfishie View Post
    Thanks @River Song

    I actually caught up with a friend this arvo who runs a youth mental health organisation and was chatting to her about the situation and she was talking about the drastic need to change the culture of tip-toeing around mental health in this country. She couldn't believe I wouldn't feel compelled to say something. After all, it is the whole basis of 'R U OK?' Day which is a massive initiative to get people to 'check in' with those whom they suspect are not coping.

    Her stance was that any awkwardness caused by raising something like this is grossly outweighed by the good that could potentially be done.

    Responses have been food for thought though, thanks ladies
    I agree with checking in on people, asking how they are, being a friend etc I just don't agree with assuming and accusing someone of having an eating disorder, especially if they are not even your friend. For all you know those close to her may have already raised the issue. It is isn't the place of an acquaintance to get involved in personal business imo. Certainly extend a friendship but please do not bring up eating disorders.

  13. #29
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    OP never suggested she would be starting the conversation with

    "hey, you have lost weight so therefore I think you have a mental health problem and an eating disorder"

    How about we display a little common sesnse...OP asked what she should do
    1) ignore 2) approach friend

    When approaching someone it sounds as if she would be delicate and friendly and really just let her friend know that she was noticing a change and being there to offer support.

    Mental health issues (and yes, an eating disorder is a mental health issue) love to isolate people...they make us wary of others and set us up to be alone with them. People genuinely reaching out in a non confrontational way is the best way to start to break the hold that mental illnesses can have...seeing them, bringing them out into the light and letting the person know we see and value them and love them as they are can only be a positive.

    No one is suggesting to go in an be offensive...but to go in and be a friend...yes, do it as so many of us are so alone and don't really even know it.

  14. #30
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    The op asked whether to say anything or not in relation to an Acquaintance being too skinny. That, to me, suggests she was going to bring up the issue - I am not sayings he would just say 'hey skinny, do you have an eating disorder' I am sure she has more tact than that however the vibe I got was she wanted to mention possibly having an eating disorder it to this person.
    if they were friends I was think it appropriate to gently broach the topic but not an acquaintance, I just feel this is interfering in something that is not your business. Leave that to family and friends.
    Sure try to create a friendship and maybe she will open up, then go from there but if someone I am not even friends with started expressing concern about myhealth and well being in would stitch off and think 'what is it to you' it certainly would not inspire me to open up. If it was a friend that is a different story.


 

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