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  1. #11
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    I think being a friend means checking in on her, not focusing on weight but her as a person and anything she wants to disclose. If it's not a disorder then she may or may not be comfortable discussing the real issue but at least she knows she can talk to you without judgement.

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  3. #12
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    She could be ill or have health issues. I wouldn't say anything. And certainly wouldn't assume she has an eating disorder.

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  5. #13
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    Very interesting topic, a friend posted a pic of her daughter yesterday on facebook starting school the child is smiling but looks emaciated, neck bones sticking out and arms rail thin. I showed my dh and he was shocked at the state of the child. But we can't say anything as the friend would take it personally. But it makes the situation very uncomfortable.

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    I think meeting for coffee and not accepting the initial "yeah, I am fine" is the right thing to do.

    Mention how wonderfully strong and fit she was when you last saw her and say you are worried as she was not finishing a game etc.

    We need to get out of our bubbles and stop expecting people to deal with everything alone...someone genuinely asking "are you OK" is a wonderful feeling.

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  8. #15
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    Thanks @River Song

    I actually caught up with a friend this arvo who runs a youth mental health organisation and was chatting to her about the situation and she was talking about the drastic need to change the culture of tip-toeing around mental health in this country. She couldn't believe I wouldn't feel compelled to say something. After all, it is the whole basis of 'R U OK?' Day which is a massive initiative to get people to 'check in' with those whom they suspect are not coping.

    Her stance was that any awkwardness caused by raising something like this is grossly outweighed by the good that could potentially be done.

    Responses have been food for thought though, thanks ladies

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  10. #16
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    I guess people are worried that youre planning on going in hammer and tong and being all "oh my god you're so skinny! You must have an eating disorder!!!" If you are genuinely worried, I don't think there's any harm in catching up as friends and mentioning that you are a little concerned about her health and asking if she's ok. She may tell you she's fine and to buzz off, or she may appreciate the concern and confide in you (or something in between!). But either way, if you come at it in a caring way, without too much assumption or judgement, you are probably ok

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    PinkPopsicle  (04-02-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jellyfishie View Post
    Thanks @River Song

    I actually caught up with a friend this arvo who runs a youth mental health organisation and was chatting to her about the situation and she was talking about the drastic need to change the culture of tip-toeing around mental health in this country. She couldn't believe I wouldn't feel compelled to say something. After all, it is the whole basis of 'R U OK?' Day which is a massive initiative to get people to 'check in' with those whom they suspect are not coping.

    Her stance was that any awkwardness caused by raising something like this is grossly outweighed by the good that could potentially be done.

    Responses have been food for thought though, thanks ladies
    First of all, I love "R U OK" day and think it is an amazing initiative but as someone that has suffered from a mental health problem in the past I would of been horrified and embarrassed if someone I didn't know very well had of initiated a conversation about my mental health. I think asking someone "Are you Okay?" is totally different to saying "Ive noticed you are too skinny and I think you need help and have a mental illness" if you know what I mean. Perhaps approach one of her close friends or family and discreetly raise your concerns. This would of been the way I would have preferred someone help me. Tread very carefully, kindly and empathetically. You have absolutely NO IDEA of what (if anything) she is suffering and unless she invites you to find out I'd leave it well enough alone and just let her know that your her friend and if she needs you, you are there for her.

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  14. #18
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    When I re-read my OP I guess I have downplayed our relationship to make it sound like I hardly know her. We've spent 5 years seeing each other probably 3 times a week for 6 months of the year, I captained this team to the highs of a premiership and through the lows of relegation, we were tight. I'll be playing again this season so hopefully that opens the window of opportunity to see how she is going.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jellyfishie View Post
    Thanks @River Song

    I actually caught up with a friend this arvo who runs a youth mental health organisation and was chatting to her about the situation and she was talking about the drastic need to change the culture of tip-toeing around mental health in this country. She couldn't believe I wouldn't feel compelled to say something. After all, it is the whole basis of 'R U OK?' Day which is a massive initiative to get people to 'check in' with those whom they suspect are not coping.

    Her stance was that any awkwardness caused by raising something like this is grossly outweighed by the good that could potentially be done.

    Responses have been food for thought though, thanks ladies
    Ermm... sorry, but that's got my nose even more out of joint! Why are we all of a sudden talking about mental health, when we were talking about someone's weight? If someone dared to link my weight with me potentially having a mental disorder, I wouldn't ever ever want to speak to that person again. How rude.

  16. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Ermm... sorry, but that's got my nose even more out of joint! Why are we all of a sudden talking about mental health, when we were talking about someone's weight? If someone dared to link my weight with me potentially having a mental disorder, I wouldn't ever ever want to speak to that person again. How rude.
    Sorry I think you're taking this too personally- the OP is not talking about your situation. She's talking about a woman who she KNOWS has lost a lot of weight recently, who has lost so much weight she can't get through a whole game of hockey. That doesn't sound like just a naturally slim person, rather someone who is unwell.
    The OP never suggested she was going to go in guns blazing, she asked what she should do, she didn't say she was going to stage an intervention.
    OP, I would do as PP suggested and have a casual chat with her, maybe ask her why she's quit hockey and go from there?

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