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  1. #1
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    Default What to say when a friend gets too skinny?

    So a girl I know, probably less than a friend but more than an acquaintance, looks like she probably has an eating disorder. I don't know what to say to her but I'm watching her turn into a skeleton before my eyes on Facebook!

    A bit of background, she is early 20s, we have played hockey together in a team I captained for about 5 years. I was always a bit of a 'mother hen' to the group as I was a few years older than most of them.
    This girl had always been a bit chubby, then about 18 months ago she got right into doing personal training sessions and looked fabulous, won our best player award for that season.

    Last season I didn't play as I was pregnant with DS, but we are still friends on FB and she looks terrible. So so skinny, ribs showing, no boobs left. And now I hear that she pretty much subbed herself off at half-time for most of the season as she couldn't get through a whole game any more.

    I'm worried that none of her friends are noticing or saying anything to her. They are very much the 'go out clubbing in tiny clothes and post a thousand duck face selfies' types.

    I don't want to just let it go, but what can I say, or should I even say anything?

  2. #2
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    Don't say anything. It may not be an eating disorder and it's not really your place to get involved anyway.
    I have been accused of an eating disorder by a co-worker because I was 'too skinny' - I already knew I was skinny and it was not due to an eating disorder. I was offended.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MothersMilk For This Useful Post:

    fullofhope  (05-02-2014),Liddybugs  (04-02-2014),Little Miss Sunshine  (04-02-2014),LoCo  (04-02-2014),RipperRita  (04-02-2014)

  4. #3
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    I wouldn't say anything. My guess from my experiences is that she knows, her family and friends do too. It's a bigger issue to tackle and just saying something to her will likely have either little to no impact or being taken offensively.

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    If you're concerned, I'd mention that too her. She may be offended, but I think that's better than someone having an eating disorder and nobody ever mentioning their concern.

    I'd simply say something along the lines of having noticed how much weight she's lost and that I'm a bit concerned about her health. That obviously she may be fine, but if she's not/if she ever needs anyone to talk to then I'd be there.

    With an acquaintance I'm not sure what else you could do, except perhaps talk to some of her friends and see whether they were concerned too.

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    I've been accused of an eating disorder, I have such severe stomach issues that sometimes I can't even finish my dinner before I'm in the loo with severe runs. I've had people whisper about me going to be sick (I hate vomitting with a passion so no way known that was happening). I am skinny, I work out once a week, I'm not a big eater but it is horrifying and so offensive to be suggested that you have an eating disorder, especially when in reality I have so many health issues to deal with.

  8. #6
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    I agree, there's really no way you can broach this without her being offended.

    Maybe you could invite her out for coffee or dinner and just see how she is doing? She might be stressed about something? And, that way, you can rekindle the friendship a little and if you do end up bringing it up directly at some point she will be less likely to just ignore you.

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  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by jesssalee View Post
    I agree, there's really no way you can broach this without her being offended.

    Maybe you could invite her out for coffee or dinner and just see how she is doing? She might be stressed about something? And, that way, you can rekindle the friendship a little and if you do end up bringing it up directly at some point she will be less likely to just ignore you.
    This is a good idea.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    Don't say anything. It may not be an eating disorder and it's not really your place to get involved anyway.
    I have been accused of an eating disorder by a co-worker because I was 'too skinny' - I already knew I was skinny and it was not due to an eating disorder. I was offended.
    This exactly. There was a kinda "intervention" on me at work by well meaning colleagues- not my friends. My friends know how I feel about my weight and my problems with keeping it off/on- I fluctuate.

    Some people are very skinny and it doesn't mean they have an eating disorder. It was rude and embarrassing.
    I wouldn't bring up somebody's weight- big or small - it's bad manners.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 04-02-2014 at 19:32.

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    Leave her alone.
    Maybe she doesn't even have an eating disorder.

    The amount of times people have thought they have the right to 'mention' to me that I am too skinny and I need to eat more and ask if I have an eating disorder, when really none of that is in any way true, is disgusting. It is NOT any of your business, especially seeing as you're not even a close friend to her at present.

    If you had a friend that was putting on weight, would you go out of your way to contact her and tell her she's getting fat? I don't think so.

    Sorry for being blunt, but it's obviously a bit of a sore point with me.

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  14. #10
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    Yep, agree with saying nothing. After I was very ill with a kidney infection I lost a lot of weight. Colleagues at my school noticed and I was made to go and see the Student Counsellor (the one that visited the school to deal with adolescent health issues). It was embarrassing and demeaning having to discuss my personal health with someone that I did not know well.
    Agree with Jessalee that if you are concerned for this girl, the best thing you can do is be a good friend.


 

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