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  1. #11
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    Honestly I think you would regret having an abortion based on everything you have written here. With the feelings you're already having I doubt you will walk out of a clinic no longer pregnant and feeling just fine about it all. I had lots of abortions when I was younger for all kinds of reasons. Some were forced apon me (long story). I felt very empty and grief stricken afterwards. I know some women feel relieved but I never did, not even when I thought I was sure going into the clinic. It's not as easy emotionally to go through as you might think. Even if you try not to get attached physiologically you still do feel subconsciously protective of your baby so it can be for some women really wrenching to realize after an abortion that you really didn't want one but by then it's too late you know? I'm not trying to tell you what to do here and I know you need to come to your own decision about this- that's really important- no matter what you chose it has to sit right with you or you will indeed feel resentful afterwards. Keeping the baby you will feel up and down about it for a while but there will always be things that make you feel hopeful and excited with a baby on the way. The ultrasounds in particular will amaze you and boost your morale big time, well they have for me anyway Ultimately no matter what, fair or not the decision is yours alone to make since no one can force you to do what they want. You need to do what feels right for you mostly. If you make a decision you're not comfortable with for any reason you will still blame yourself because you are the only one who makes the final decision if that makes sense? I hope you find peace about it all soon. *hugs*

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  3. #12
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    From what you've written, I don't think you should have an abortion. True it's not the right time, but I don't think babies come at any right time.
    Like another pp said, it seems the being married part is what your head is thinking of. At the end of the day, a wedding doesn't have to be a huge and financially draining event. You could always discuss about being engaged and living together first. Then organise your wedding for when you both feel it's the right time eg 6 mths after baby is born.
    I don't know if writing down a pros and cons list will help, but might help you to put things into better prospective.

    End of the day, your body, so you decide what you want.
    All the best and hugs!


    Single mum to DS (5y.o)

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    KaraB  (01-02-2014)

  5. #13
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    12 months is not a long time. What difference will that piece of paper make to your commitment to one another? If it really is marriage that is the sticking point, get married. There is no rule that they have to be elaborate, expensive affairs - it is about the marriage not the wedding.

    Something could happen in 12 months time which make it a bad time to have a baby. There is never a perfect time, at the time.

    If you and your DP are committed and planning to ttc in a year anyway then this baby has come at the perfect time.

    The fact that you have such doubts makes me think a termination isn't the right choice for you both.

    Only you can make this decision and like VP said, ignore the noise and focus on what you want. Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs? Will it matter if you have a 4 yr old vs a 3 yr old in 5 yrs time?

    I wish you all the best with your decision. It's so hard but it sounds like you have great support no matter which path you follow.

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    KaraB  (01-02-2014)

  7. #14
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Hi OP I have experienced unplanned pregnancy and decided to go ahead with a surgical termination, we are very much in the same situation you are stability wise except we already have 3 children together, I just knew that we didn't want any more, my heart screamed no at me and I went with that. Listening to your heart is the key here because in those moments down the track you will know you did the right thing for you! I have a close friend who has a baby basically the same age as when I would of been due and I don't feel sad when I think about it. Of course I have moments when I wonder why "I was the one" much like you..I guess I decided that regardless of the control I had lost over the choice to be pregnant I still had a choice and I made it based on what was best for me and in turn my family.

    Feel free to PM me if you want xo

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    Morning after pills have more then a 5% failure rate. It didn't work for me twice.

    I have no advice, I just want to offer you my sympathies for what you are going through. Xx

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    KaraB  (01-02-2014)

  10. #16
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    How would you feel ( with all else being great ) if in 12 months when you planned a bub if you couldn't get pregnant?

    With everything else all lined up is be lining up everything else ( ie marriage etc ) rather than terminate a baby that is clearly going to be well loved.

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  12. #17
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    How would you feel ( with all else being great ) if in 12 months when you planned a bub if you couldn't get pregnant?

    With everything else all lined up is be lining up everything else ( ie marriage etc ) rather than terminate a baby that is clearly going to be well loved.
    There is no evidence that a straight forward abortion will have any effect on future fertility.

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    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    There is no evidence that a straight forward abortion will have any effect on future fertility.
    I don't think that's what she meant. Sometimes women struggle to get pregnant for unknown reasons even after an accidental pregnancy. I don't believe that abortion ness effects future fertility for the record..

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  15. #19
    bunkx's Avatar
    bunkx is offline Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorkyPies View Post
    Bunkx - have you experienced regret regarding a termination? This is my biggest fear, I don't know how I would cope emotionally if I came to regret it. DP has said he isn't going anywhere, and either way we will make it work, but I am terrified of the impact the psychological affects may have on our relationship if I go through a termination & end up not being able to handle it. I'm afraid I will resent him & hate myself endlessly

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Yes I have, not a single day goes by where I don't regret my decision even after 9 years

    So please be 100% sure

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    KaraB  (01-02-2014)

  17. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorkyPies View Post
    DP has said he isn't going anywhere, and either way we will make it work, but I am terrified of the impact the psychological affects may have on our relationship if I go through a termination & end up not being able to handle it. I'm afraid I will resent him & hate myself endlessly
    Can I ask why you think you might resent him?


 

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