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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorkyPies View Post
    It's definitely more exDPs issue, he needs to be firm about what he actually wants and I have every intention of speaking to him about it, but he can be quite difficult. I just want to understand her perspective too, as maybe there is something I'm missing not being a step parent myself!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    From what you've written you'd understand the situation even less if you were a stepmum as you sound like you'd be a loving/caring stepmum, my kids need a new one if your interested😜

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  3. #12
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    I think exdp needs to grow a set. Sorry, but he helped concieve your dd.

    He seems like he wants her around, he needs to tell his new gf that him and dd are a package deal. Then he needs to stick to 1. Your agreement. 2. His word.

    When I got with df he had children from a previous rship. He used to see them maybe once a week. he didn't drive, and they were on the other side of town. His mum actually had custody.

    Once I "knew" the children we were there almost daily visiting, I would take them shopping, to the park, they started having sleepovers etc.

    I just accepted that his children were part of who he is, and went with it.

    Proudly brought to you by me and my autocorrect fail device.

  4. #13
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    I think your exs gf just doesn't want to be bothered with your dd, end of story.

    She's being selfish and a jerk.

    I can't stand people who are like this, they make my blood boil.

    Your ex however needs to man up. If he seriously wanted to spend time with your dd he would.

    Your exs partner is instigating things but your ex partner is allowing her to.

    I don't really know what you can do about it, hope he can see sense soon...

  5. #14
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    It seems a common thing when people repartner and he gets a new gf. I believe it stems from jealousy that their new partner not only has a child to someone else, but she gave him kids before her. And it seems to worsen greatly when they have children together themselves. She often wants him to cast aside the 'first' child/ren to favour theirs. (I say her bc I've found men with women who have a child to someone else usually stay out of it).

    Having said that, I agree with others that your ex is to blame. If someone told me I couldn't see my child, they'd be out the door, I don't care how much I loved them. Time for him to grow up put her in her place and see his child.

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  7. #15
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    Maybe your daughter looks like you and she is a jealous person, maybe your ex talks about you favourably as a good mum and she's jealous, maybe she doesn't get the concept of being with someone who has children, maybe she wears the pants and he's scared that she might leave, maybe she is telling him this is 'his and her' time before the baby comes and he has bought into it. Whatever it is, he needs to either be consistent in his care of dd or stuff off. It's lovely of you to try to get her perspective but it's his responsibility to step up and put his daughter first. I'm sorry your dd has to put up with this.

  8. #16
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    Do you happen to know what kind or parent your ex is? In my experience, guys who left their ex and child when the child was very little can be quite inexperienced as a parent, they also may be guilty that their child has a 'broken' family, or they could be scared that if they 'parent' their child properly, their child (who they don't see often) might not like them.

    In other words, when it comes to the Step world, there's something called the Disney Dad (or guilty Daddy). They spoil the kid, they don't discipline, they don't have house rules etc. They give the child undivided attention and everyone else (new GF) gets ignored. (Also BhBhBh has listed some other typical SM resentments) All these things can lead to new GF feeling resentful, it wont be about your DD, it'll be about your ex's inability to parent properly.

    Or yeah, she could just be a selfish b!tch.

    I think it's absolutely wonderful that you care so much about your DD's r/s with her Dad! It's awesome that you WANT him to have time with her Are you able to ask your ex to meet with you and you guys have a talk, tell him your observations and concerns (in a nice, non attacking, non accusing way) and try to come up with solutions.

  9. #17
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    A lot of MamaDucks reply rings very true for the blended family households I know

  10. #18
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    I agree with some precious comments that the gf is likely feeling more put out now she is pregnant. It could be hormones firstly so I'd give her a tiny bit of room.
    I think if your ex was a really caring dad he would be making extra efforts to see his daughter and make his new partner feel validated, with his daughter coming first.

    I'm in a blended family situation. I have two older children with my ex husband and three younger with my now husband. My ex has two younger with his partner. She has never been friendly to me but always fine with my kids. She takes care of them better than my ex.
    I can't really empathise with your situation because I would have preferred my ex leave us alone. He barely makes any effort at all.
    I hope you can work something out where everyone's needs are being met. Maybe you need to lower your expectations of your ex? He just doesn't sound like much of a man that really cares.
    Your daughter is lucky she has a great mum.
    Good luck!

  11. #19
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    Thank you ladies. I haven't seen xDP or his partner because they haven't seen DD since the 5th of Jan & won't see her til next weekend (16th Feb). I did mention to ExDP that he needs to stick to his plan and if we need to drop visitation to monthly then we can however he needs to stick to whatever visitation is decided . He said he wants her weekly but still hasn't seen her? His priorities are just all over the shop, I'm lucky DD is only just 2, but soon she will start understanding that Dad doesn't see her when he is supposed to. I'm torn between not saying anything because it doesn't get me anywhere and saying something so that at least one of us is thinking of DD.

    To make the situation a little messier, I am now pregnant and due 2 mths after exDP and his partner. Ahh blended families are complicated!


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  12. #20
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    I'm not a new GF/step parent (I'm the ex), but I posted a thread asking a similar question ages ago, regarding my ex's new partner. I understand your frustration 100%.

    In my experience, the lack of interest in spending adequate time with the kids was at its worst during the first year or so of their relationship- he would do things like turn up late, drop them back off hours early, go away on his access weekend and let his flatmate inform me he'd be back in a few days when I arrived to hand the kids over (yes, really). Ropeable was no name for my feelings.

    Interestingly, he is no longer as useless when it comes to this. He even puts the kids first occasionally. I can't tell you what the perspective is of new partners who encourage this sort of thing, but a close friend of mine was in a relationship with someone who had kids and she talked about them being an "intrusion" into their time together (to which I responded that she needed to stop being so goddamn selfish, and this was before I even had kids of my own).

    With my ex, it seems that now the honeymoon period has worn off, and the close bond he used to have with his kids has suffered, he's realised he needs to step up to the plate. It's no excuse, but I do think in the early stages people can get a little wrapped up in a new relationship and get their priorities skewed. It seems some women just aren't cut out to be with a man who has kids- they want to be his No. 1, and some men are too spineless not to go along with whatever keeps the peace. Maybe it's more complicated than that, but after years of watching this unfold I'm pretty convinced it's just sheer selfishness.

    I also noticed the new GF went way over the top buying gifts, doting on the kids in my presence, basically acting as though they were hers around other people and making a not-so-subtle point of ignoring me and lavishing attention on them at the early stages. It was weird. Yet at the same time she supported him in his refusal to pay child support But none of that happens anymore. I can only deduce in hindsight that perhaps she had some insecurities about my role and wanted to test his commitment to her and prove that she was worthy of being in their life, or something. I guess maybe she felt she needed to do whatever it took to attain a place in his life as high as what his kids have. With the weekends away when she knew he was supposed to have them, etc. Now they've been together a while she doesn't seem to show the need to compete for attention anymore.

    Your ex and his partner sound similar. Hopefully they get over it in time, when she feels "validated", or whatever. Bit sad given that you don't exactly have the option of casting the kids away for weeks at a time when you meet someone new. Sigh.


 

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