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  1. #21
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    Oh hun, what an absolute a-hole this guy is!! I too have sadly fallen for one of these so called 'men'. They are so convincing that everyone buys their story

    In this situation, I say jump on that plane back to London and don't ever look back!!! Your bub will be so much better off without him. And definitely have bub back home so that he can't use bub as a weapon against you, to make you stay here where you don't have your family for support.

    You are a strong woman and you will be a strong single mother. Don't worry about finding love again, I know many single mothers who have married/remarried. You will find someone who will love you and your child.

    Sending you HUGE virtual hugs!

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    KaraB  (25-01-2014)

  3. #22
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    I’m so SO overwhelmed by all your lovely messages and advice- yes, crying buckets again! Thank you ladies (I assume you’re all ladies

    I still feel so stupid and hate myself for still being sort of in love with him in a repulsive way, but must be stronger than I thought I was to have made it this far in a new country alone, so anything else will be easier in comparison.

    I definitely won’t name him on any documents then, it’s exactly the kind of manipulative thing he’d do just to keep me here and torture me further even though he despises kids.

    I’ve seen one doctor who did blood tests early on (horrible for a needle phobic wimp like myself!) and from his estimation and my home tests I’d be 12 weeks by now, but I think I’m more as I’m getting quite big already- although I think a lot of it is just wind/bloating. Took a photo of my bump this morning, I don’t know what’s normal for 12 weeks, but I think if/when I have a scan in the UK they will tell me otherwise.

    My ex doesn’t know my address as I’ve moved since he stayed with me in the UK, so that’s a relief- I do think the girlfriend should have an warning as to what he’s like as though he’s obsessed with strangling women and might go too far one day, I shudder to think. Not sure how to contact her though other than her Facebook which seems a bit trivial almost...I don't know.

    To be honest I’m still really torn over the whole pregnancy, one minute I think I’ve done the right thing keeping the baby, the next I’m almost disgusted, if that doesn’t sound too harsh- and hate myself for thinking that about an innocent child- only ever having held 2 babies in my entire 32 years and being an only child I’m not very experienced when it comes to childcare.

    I’m just very confused, forgive me, but the one thing I do know is I loved that man- he didn’t ever love me I realise now, but I’m not a fake and my feelings were 100% true for me to uproot my whole life for him, so as far as I’m concerned it was conceived with love on my part, even if I was just a commodity for him.

    I’ve looked into flights and should be leaving within the next 10 days or so, my mum is going to sort the funds out, so I’m relieved. Will be sad to say goodbye to the supportive friends I’ve made in Melbourne though, but 2 are coming to visit me in London in June so that will be nice.

    I thought I’d successfully kept some porridge down, but lost the lot again and still can’t sleep for longer than an hour without horrendous nightmares and seeing his face/him kissing her, so I hope this improves too after some counselling perhaps.

    Reading those links about narcissistic sociopaths was jaw dropping- EVERYTHING rang true, it was like reading a diary of my relationship with him, he ticks every single box. Just terrifying I was so taken in by someone like that. I wouldn’t want any child to be near him and worry for his toddler nephew. Makes me sick to think people attending his comedy show and laughing will have no idea what kind of monster they are paying to go and see, vile.

    Thanks again for every single response, I’m so grateful you took time to read my post and think of me, it really has eased my mind heaps.

    Carly x

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    KaraB  (25-01-2014)

  5. #23
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    Don't feel guilty Carly, he certainly sounds like a prick who doesn't deserve you or your baby I'm sure you will be a great mum to that baby! I hope you have lots of support back home in London sorry to hear that your stay in Aus wasn't more pleasant for you as we really aren't that bad.x

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  7. #24
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    Thank you. He certainly is a prick. He is the one Australian letting you all down as everyone else I've met here has been wonderful to me, I couldn't have wished to meet nicer friends who have taken me into their homes rent free, fed me, took me out, had me over for Christmas and listened to all my rants/dried my tears, I'm very blessed Melbourne made me so welcome after what he did and what I've seen of here and briefly in Sydney was beautiful, so maybe one day I can return for a happier trip x

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    KaraB  (25-01-2014)

  9. #25
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    Ps: if I do contact the girlfriend when I'm back home, what do I say? She probably has no idea I want to hate her, but it's totally not her fault, bet she's as spellbound as I was- more so being a teenager....

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  11. #26
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    Just wanted to give you a cyber hug!!

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    Carly Lou  (25-01-2014)

  13. #27
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    I'd be vary wary about contacting the girlfriend, as that may make him want to take revenge on you, and he may then try to make a claim for bub and make your life difficult, just out of spite. If she is under spell, she probably won't believe you and he'll explain it all away as you being a crazy stalker or something. It's very sad, and I know I felt the same when I saw my evil ex with a new teenage girlfriend, but I knew in time shed just have to learn the hard way like I did. As much as we want to save people from making the same mistakes we did, usually they have to learn for themselves.

    Whatever you decide with the pregnancy, you may not fully be at peace with the decision for a while. But once you're at home at least you'll have the support you'll need to deal with it. Counselling would be a great idea too, just to sort your feelings out, regain your self esteem, and stop the nightmares.

    I'm so glad your mum is helping you get home! Please keep us updated and let us know when you're home safe! x

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  15. #28
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    I'm glad u are heading home in ten days. I feel that's its much safer for you there xx


    Me: 31, DH: 33
    DD1: 8, DD2: 6 😃
    #3 due 5th Sept 2014 ❤

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  17. #29
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    I dont have much new advice for you other than get yourself home asap but I couldn't just read, I had to send some hugs and positive vibes too

    Sent from my GT-I9305T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Carly Lou  (25-01-2014)

  19. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carly Lou View Post
    Ps: if I do contact the girlfriend when I'm back home, what do I say? She probably has no idea I want to hate her, but it's totally not her fault, bet she's as spellbound as I was- more so being a teenager....
    I just wouldn't worry about this right now. Focus on yourself and your baby, keeping you both safe and back home to a supportive environment. And I agree, there's NO way I'd be putting that monster in the birth certificate. Good luck and big hugs.

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