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  1. #11
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    He definitely sounds like an abusive narcissist who has put you through hell and back. I'm so sorry your experience in Oz has been such a tortuous one.

    I agree that you need to get back to London and your support network asap. Also can you see a doctor here to get some medication for the nausea? You may also want to organise the nuchal screening bloods/scan which is done around 12 weeks. It isn't vital though.

    As for hating your baby if it looks like him. My mum hates my abusive asshat dad but is always thankful that because of him she has us. I'm a bit of an "everything happens for a reason" person. Perhaps the reason he came into your life was to give you this baby? I would get counseling as no doubt you have a lot to work through and this could impact on bonding.

    Please come here to vent and seek advice as much as you need to. The parents here have so much experience and support.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  3. #12
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    Firstly, well done on keeping yourself and your belly bub safe. You sound like a smart woman who is making some good choices. Not putting that man on documents is a way of trying to protect your child and yourself in the future. He does not sound like a person I would want my child to be near at all. You can perceive this experience anyway you want to. He was a total charmer who drew you in. You trusted him and unless you have come across people like this before, you wouldn't know- that's why it's so confusing. When you go home, hold your head high. You have a precious being on board and that is most definitely something to be proud of. I'd also be proud of the fact that through all of this, this little one chose you to be their mama. Good luck. Being a single mum is great and eventually you will meet someone who will treat you as you should be treated.

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  5. #13
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    I'm so sorry that you have gone through this. I don't much advice but just wanted to offer big hugs. I'm sure once you are home and have the love and support of your family close by that things will start to look up & you will be able to move on and find peace with your new life. Distance can be a wonderful thing! You are obviously a wonderfully strong person (despite maybe not feeling it right now) & I wish you all the best. Hugs.

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  7. #14
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    You are such a strong person, making some amazing life decisions so far. Moving to the other side of the world, realising that someone isn't who they said they were and actually doing something about it in difficult circumstances. You can be proud that you have opened your heart and loved someone deeply, it's unfortunate the way things turned out but you were open to more, so eventually you know you have this love to give to someone deserving.
    If you decide to keep the baby you have this deep love to give to it, you have certainly proved that. If you don't decide to keep it, it will be the right decision for you.
    Perhaps counselling before going home is a good idea too as it will give you some coping mechanisms.
    All the best.

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  9. #15
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    I'm so sorry you have gone through this. You deserve much better.

    I haven't got much advise that hasn't already been given. I completely agree to go back to the UK so the baby can be born there with the support of your family.

    My parents are divorced, my dad abused my mum and my sister looks very much like him but it doesn't mean anything to my mum, she loves her just the same. Your child is a part of you and is a whole other type of love, once you give birth you will understand what I mean

    All the best with everything xx

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  11. #16
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    All I can say is wow you are a brave strong lady.

    You need to get on a plane ASAP tho back to London. Borrow from family if you need to. You need to stay safe and get back there. I would hate for him to locate you in Melbourne. Xx


    Me: 31, DH: 33
    DD1: 8, DD2: 6 😃
    #3 due 5th Sept 2014 ❤

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  13. #17
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    God you've been through a rough time, what an absolute @sshole!!!

    I to believe everything happens for a reason, remember this baby is half you too not just this man. She/he needs his/her mummy, you will make a fantastic mother.

    I think you go home and settle in with bub I'm sure your parents will give you lots of support and you will start to feel better and hopefully get excited about the impending arrival.

    Hold your head up high you have done nothing wrong, life sometimes doesn't work out the way we plan it.

    Big ((hugs)) to you xxx

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  15. #18
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    You need to make sure you go home to the UK to have the baby and do not put him as the father.
    I have a friend who had a similar story to yours and she had her son here and put his father on the birth cert.
    she desperately wants to go home to the UK to be with her family but he is refusing to let his child out of the country even though he doesn't really want anything to do with him. He just wants to make my friends life unbearable.
    She is so miserable. She is now stuck here away from her support network.
    As a new mum (my DD is 12w) you will need all the support you can get once bub is born.
    Id say run home as fast as you can.
    He sounds like a complete deadbeat, I'm so sorry he was so awful to you, I doubt he will never change.
    Go home now before you are stuck here forever!

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  17. #19
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    Wow I am so sorry this has happened to you. I can't even begin to fathom how you must be feeling.

    I agree it's a good idea to return to the UK as soon as possible & have the baby there. I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate which means baby wouldn't be able to get a dual passport & he'd have an impossible task getting any custodian rights if he ever changed his mind. Don't worry about having to claim benefits, if you & baby need them, you need them, you'll want what's best for baby.

    Does he know where you live (in the UK)? If not, I'd be telling his girlfriend ALL about it. She deserves to know & fingers crossed she doesn't find herself in a similar situation. And if she wants proof, ask the neighbours!

    I don't even have words to describe his behaviour & actions. I'm just so sorry this happened to you.

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  19. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by BubblesK View Post
    You need to make sure you go home to the UK to have the baby and do not put him as the father.
    I have a friend who had a similar story to yours and she had her son here and put his father on the birth cert.
    she desperately wants to go home to the UK to be with her family but he is refusing to let his child out of the country even though he doesn't really want anything to do with him. He just wants to make my friends life unbearable.
    She is so miserable. She is now stuck here away from her support network.
    As a new mum (my DD is 12w) you will need all the support you can get once bub is born.
    Id say run home as fast as you can.
    He sounds like a complete deadbeat, I'm so sorry he was so awful to you, I doubt he will never change.
    Go home now before you are stuck here forever!
    This! If you have baby here, or put him on the birth certificate, you won't be able to fly with baby without his written consent & full disclosure of where your going & when you'll be coming back. Get on a plane NOW before anyone can tell you're pregnant.

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