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  1. #1
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    Default Looking for advice on DS behaviour

    Hi all, not sure if this is the right place to put this but anyway...

    DS is 4.5, and I know all little kids crack it when they don't get their way etc but I'm starting to get a bit worried with the way DS reacts to things.

    Instead of crying, getting upset etc when he doesn't get his way or is told no or is sent to his room for some "cool down time" as I call it, he gets REALLY angry, not tantrum throwing-things-around angry, but, punches things, makes a "grr!" sound like a huff, and makes a closed fist and punches into his other hand as if he's ready to hit me? He also grabs at my arm in anger to try and pinch or something when he's in trouble for his behavior.

    I'm just wondering why DS all of a sudden (well the past few months) has resorted to getting really cross and angry instead of the usual crying that most kids/toddlers would do? At first I thought this was a phase but it's gone on for a while now and I'm starting to get worried.

    I don't think it's fair to punish him for having feelings, for eg when he feels angry, but I'm trying my best to help him control it, and learn to calm down.

    I'm just wondering it I'm having an influence on how he reacts to not getting his way or is told no, like money see monkey do type thing. Not that I punch things etc when I don't get my way haha!
    I'm no saint and he's seen me pretty p!ssed off at times recently, and I guess having a heated argument with someone over the phone or raising my voice towards my partner in frustration. My partner (his step-dad) has been short-tempered lately as he's been working long hours and been getting up really early for work so he's been over-tired and lack of sleep. So he's been pretty grumpy and a little snappy at DS which he feels terrible for and is trying to be more patient when DS is being difficult.

    I'm also wondering could it be diet related? He doesn't eat/drink sugary things heaps, once in a while he will get a treat like ice cream or a small freddo frog or something when hes been really well behaved or been listening well etc. He does eat a lot of fruit though?

    And lastly could it be him copying characters in cartoons on tv? I normally don't believe children's cartoons could be a huge influence in a child's behavior but he watches stuff like Thomas to TMNT, you know, typical 4year old boy stuff.

    Do you think this can be typical boy behavior at a stage in their childhood or should I look into it? I'm not from a family with boys (all girls) so it's all new to me. I feel guilty that it's all my doing that he reacts this way, as if I've been leading a really bad example Any suggestions or advice?!
    Last edited by Pusheen The Cat; 22-01-2014 at 08:36.

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    It sounds like he's copying a combination of things. He could have picked it up from tv. I don't let DS1 (4) watch TMNT because I don't want him copying it. He copies Wreck it Ralph sometimes though.

    They are still learning how to deal with their emotions. I think it's normal for them to get angry at this age instead of always tantrums and crying though.

    They also get an increase in testosterone at this age.

    Sent from my telecommunications device.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tadpoles View Post
    It sounds like he's copying a combination of things. He could have picked it up from tv. I don't let DS1 (4) watch TMNT because I don't want him copying it. He copies Wreck it Ralph sometimes though.

    They are still learning how to deal with their emotions. I think it's normal for them to get angry at this age instead of always tantrums and crying though.

    They also get an increase in testosterone at this age.

    Sent from my telecommunications device.
    Yeah I was told that they have a surge of testosterone around now, I was thinking that could be playing a role too?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pusheen The Cat View Post

    I don't think it's fair to punish him for having feelings, for eg when he feels angry, but I'm trying my best to help him control it, and learn to calm down.
    I can't offer any advice from experience as my boy is much younger, but I have just read a book aimed at parents with young children aged 2-6 years, and this is exactly what she says....

    All feelings are OK but all behaviour isn't.

    It's OK to feel red hot angry, and she encourages parents to acknowledge the behaviour, to name it - "I can see that you are really angry right now" - but it's not OK to hurt people or property (her golden rule).

    The book's title is "It's OK not to share", the author, Heather Schumaker - not sure if I have the spelling correct as I have loaned the book to a friend.

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    Quote Originally Posted by debsch View Post
    I can't offer any advice from experience as my boy is much younger, but I have just read a book aimed at parents with young children aged 2-6 years, and this is exactly what she says....

    All feelings are OK but all behaviour isn't.

    It's OK to feel red hot angry, and she encourages parents to acknowledge the behaviour, to name it - "I can see that you are really angry right now" - but it's not OK to hurt people or property (her golden rule).

    The book's title is "It's OK not to share", the author, Heather Schumaker - not sure if I have the spelling correct as I have loaned the book to a friend.
    This is pretty much what I tell him when he acts out in anger.

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    My DS was similar from 4-5 yo.
    He would trash his room when angry or upset.
    He is growing out of it slowly has less anger bursts and instead takes himself off to his room to cool down and it takes about 5 mins and he has forgotton all about it.

    You could get him a little punching bag to kick and punch when he is angry instead.
    I found giving DS lots of outdoor time to let off energy and steam helped.

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    hi pusheenthecat, I think it is a combination of things. You and your dh are both having stressful times, and he is probably getting a bit scared if that is happening around him. He is also going to be going to school and mixing with lots of other kids/ boys with the odd aggressive behaviour there. I suggest you get him to use up his energy in better ways. I would also make it clear to him that the emotions/ feelings are ok, but how he expresses the feelings is not ok. I think you need to work with him, not against him, dont make more tension, but just work on ways to allow the anger out without harming anyone or any thing. Marie.

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    Hello, my little boy just turned 4 and went through a good 2weeks of this angry behaviour. I put it down to a number of things...
    I had researched that at around 4 children go through a transition... their hormones play up and they are starting to become individuals and find their place/role in the family. Some try to challenge parents authorities.
    My son was hitting/ punching/ angry ALL the time, it was so out of character for him.
    They also watch their world and imitate.. He was starting to get into TMNTurtles a little more (he rarely watches it now.) Also he goes to day care twice a week to socialize and his carers said he had started to hang with boys who liked to play a little rough. Your little boy also may be picking up on your emotions as you mentioned.

    Boys will be boys but I overcame this behaviour by setting boundaries and sticking to them. Telling him "It is NEVER ok to hit your mummy." Taking away a favourite toy if he didn't listen. Ignoring some behaviours and not responding to not using manners and making him speak nicely to me or he wouldn't get what he wanted. It took a few weeks & A LOT of patients from my end but he eventual realised that this behaviour wasn't getting him anywhere and suddenly it stopped!! he went back to his happy old self

    So KEEP CALM as best you can, stick to your guns and keep enforcing positive behaviours and I am sure it will get better.

    If not then I would start looking at diet ... being a child care teacher I have seen a lot of children have bad behaviour issues simply because they couldn't tolerate certain food colourings found in many foods (yellow being the worst).
    Something to think about....


 

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