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  1. #11
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    This topic was discussed on an etiquette site late last year. http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=4037

    It's your news, not theirs. They may decide they don't want to know, but there is no need for you to comply.

  2. #12
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    Neither of my brothers wanted to know when I was pg last year with DD, so I just didn't say anything gender-specific around them. It wasn't too difficult, and I didn't really mind, but I am a big easy-going like that.

    In the end, one of my brothers was told by my cousins husband (who was also pg at the time, due just after me and he just happened to let it slip that wasn't it nice they were having a boy and we were having a girl, whoops!)

    My advice- take a deep breath, smile and don't let it ruin your day.

    (PS- if wanted to post pictures of things I bought for baby on FB where my brothers could see it, I either blocked them from seeing the post, or just posted in B&W. No drama )

  3. #13
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    kiwimum890 is offline It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!
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    I totally get what you are saying about just don't tell them if they don't want to know, however I feel like we would be missing out on sharing that exciting news with them as they will find out anyway from someone else. Knowing my dad he would probably get cranky with the person who told him even though it wouldn't be their fault.
    I just can't understand why they wouldn't rather hear it from me.
    My family live in NZ so it isn't like I get to share much else of the pregnancy with them.

    As for my sister, she has been like that her whole life. So really it wasn't that surprising to be honest but thought it would have been something we could have really bonded over.

    We had planned on telling family and friends with my son holding either pink or blue coloured balloons when we called them on Skype, do you think I should just do that anyway and then once it is out too bad, can't take it back or just not bother with any type of special announcement for them at all. I just feel angry that someone else will get to tell them instead 😢

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    I would tell your Dad how you feel about being the one who tells him. Explain that you did it his way last time and this time you want to do it your way. Everyone pressured me to find out the sex of this bub when I wanted a surprise (I'm glad I did, it's a boy and we really thought girl!) but I did it under the proviso that next time I get my surprise without argument!

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    I really don't understand why relatives would be so reluctant to know the sex? It's not like they're not going to find out eventually…
    Parents of the baby not wanting to find out yet is fair enough, but I find the grandparents/aunts/uncles thing a bit confusing.

    It's probably a bit mean but what I'd do is something really silly and over the top, like fill their house with coloured balloons and a giant banner and leap out wearing a costume and yelling "SURPRISE! IT'S A _____!!!"…
    Then it's not like they can complain that finding out the sex wasn't a surprise

    Or I suppose a nicer, more toned down version would work too, since either way I don't think it's fair to ask you to keep it a secret from them.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goblin Queen View Post
    I would tell your Dad how you feel about being the one who tells him. Explain that you did it his way last time and this time you want to do it your way. Everyone pressured me to find out the sex of this bub when I wanted a surprise (I'm glad I did, it's a boy and we really thought girl!) but I did it under the proviso that next time I get my surprise without argument!
    I have told him that he got his way last time and that it is our way this time but I just can't seem to get him to understand that other people WILL tell him. He thinks he can just not find out by some miracle..
    I would never pressure anyone to find out the sex. As far as I am concerned it is your baby so you and your partners choice whatever you do. I told him after my DS was born that we would be telling people second time around so it is not like I have just sprung it on him either he has known for a while. Bloody old school Dad!

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post
    I really don't understand why relatives would be so reluctant to know the sex? It's not like they're not going to find out eventually…
    Parents of the baby not wanting to find out yet is fair enough, but I find the grandparents/aunts/uncles thing a bit confusing.

    It's probably a bit mean but what I'd do is something really silly and over the top, like fill their house with coloured balloons and a giant banner and leap out wearing a costume and yelling "SURPRISE! IT'S A _____!!!"…
    Then it's not like they can complain that finding out the sex wasn't a surprise

    Or I suppose a nicer, more toned down version would work too, since either way I don't think it's fair to ask you to keep it a secret from them.
    That is hilarious deku. We don't live in the same country so that might be tricky but we always talk on Skype so might just fill our lounge room floor with coloured balloons and then when they ask just grin and say I am sure you can figure out the gender of bub now...that way I am not technically telling them! My mum wants to find out though.
    He keeps saying it ruins the surprise, nope not really we will still be surprised regardless of when we find out what he doesn't realise is that we haven't done gender selection!!! Then it really wouldn't be a surprise.

    He doesn't think it is natural to find out...well I had an emergency c-section and didn't breastfeed as I have flat nipples and horrendous supply issues so these things could be seen by him as not natural too, gosh it is getting me so worked up! Just want to tell him to sod off at this point.

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    Funny, a lady at work just the other day was telling me that she got mad at her daughter for finding out the gender when she wanted her to have a surprise. I was lost for words but the words 'worlds biggest control freak' did come to mind!

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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwimum890 View Post
    That is hilarious deku. We don't live in the same country so that might be tricky but we always talk on Skype so might just fill our lounge room floor with coloured balloons and then when they ask just grin and say I am sure you can figure out the gender of bub now...that way I am not technically telling them! My mum wants to find out though.
    He keeps saying it ruins the surprise, nope not really we will still be surprised regardless of when we find out what he doesn't realise is that we haven't done gender selection!!! Then it really wouldn't be a surprise.

    He doesn't think it is natural to find out...well I had an emergency c-section and didn't breastfeed as I have flat nipples and horrendous supply issues so these things could be seen by him as not natural too, gosh it is getting me so worked up! Just want to tell him to sod off at this point.
    Ah ok, the "it's not natural/it's not how it was done in my day" argument sort of makes sense, doesn't make it right but I can see where someone would get that opinion from.
    I especially agree with it still being a surprise regardless of when you find out!
    I hope you can sort it out soon, what an annoying thing to have to worry about.

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    We found out with both kids but had two of DHs family day they didn't want to know with DS. We said fine , your choice but everyone else knows and I won't be making any attempt to hide it by referring to "it" rather than its sex. They didn't last long, everyone made mention of it before long.


 

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