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  1. #1
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    Default Too little too late?

    Long time listener, first time poster.

    My partner is expecting in early March, and over the last few months especially we have been steadily progressing towards having the right setup with bits and bods (clothes, cot, bouncer, pram, car seat etc) and what will be the nursery.

    Been trying to finish the diy renovations also, and of course working long hours!

    That said, while I've really tried to take an active part in the pregnancy all the way through, so much of the material is for women that I find it very hard to stay interested in it. It reminds me of accounting in university.

    It's not that I don't want to be involved, or am not supportive, (heck I am planning on taking time off for the bub too - 3 months) but I am finding it extremely hard to find father orientated material that is not about the following:
    1. Sex (or lack thereof)
    2. When we will be able to go out and have a few with mates
    3. When life will return to normal

    All of which, with all due respect to my mates, I don't really care all that much about right now and would much rather read about things like nutrition, things we need and behavioural stuff.

    As a result I do feel very alienated by a lot of what is out there.

    Largely speaking as a result my partner has been doing the lion's share of the research and the purchasing.

    I mean, when she starts throwing around terms like romper, bunny rug, possetting and nappy wrap, I want to be able to understand it all, and certainly there is an expectation from her that I do. (and disappointment when I don't!)

    It might be late in the piece, but could someone point me in the right direction of a resource (book or otherwise) that I can use as a new starting point? - Currently forcing myself through "What to expect the first year"

    Thanks in advance

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  3. #2
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    Hello I think it's great you are asking this. A lot of women feel upset their partners aren't interested and it causes a lot of tension.

    You are right though - it is mainly about the woman when it comes to books etc.

    Something to focus on though is your role as the birth partner. Pretty sure there are many books about this. Read up so you can be the best at supporting her.

    As for their her things you asked regarding life returning to normal. I don't know that there much info out there about that because everyone is different. This will depend on the couple.
    In all honesty some parts of life are never the same


    DH & I <3
    DD 2 years old
    DS born July 2013
    Lolakitty - fur baby

  4. #3
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    Hey Kitty, thanks for the welcome.

    I am not worried one bit about life returning to normal - I'm looking for a better kind of normal (though I am admittedly expecting the worst, lots of screaming, poosplosions and pee-face on next to no sleep).

    Just looking for some direction, so I can do the right thing..


    Thankyou for the tips about the birth partner stuff, I'll look into it a bit (though she is having a ceasar)


    Quote Originally Posted by Lolakitty View Post
    Hello I think it's great you are asking this. A lot of women feel upset their partners aren't interested and it causes a lot of tension.
    <snip..>
    Last edited by keljian; 19-01-2014 at 16:14.

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by keljian View Post
    Hey Kitty, thanks for the welcome.

    I am not worried one bit about life returning to normal - I'm looking for a better kind of normal (though I am admittedly expecting the worst, lots of screaming, poosplosions and pee-face on next to no sleep).

    Just looking for some direction, so I can do the right thing..


    Thankyou for the tips about the birth partner stuff, I'll look into it a bit (though she is having a ceasar)
    Yep Lots of poopsplosions but it will be the best thing you ever do!

    If she's having a c section sounds like by reading the first year book is a great idea. She will need you to assist her a lot after surgery.

    Maybe you could research sleep settling. You could become the baby whisperer

    Good luck!


    DH & I <3
    DD 2 years old
    DS born July 2013
    Lolakitty - fur baby

  6. #5
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    Is your wife reading 'What to Expect When Your Exoecting'? Read it together each week/month.

    Sign up to weekly pregnancy updates & subsequent baby development updates.

    Look up loads of resources online.

    There are specific books for Dads, just Google it & maybe check the reviews on Amazon.

    My DH used to read the weekly updates & just pick up all the books I had lying around. He 'gets it' & it's great!
    Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 20-01-2014 at 08:06. Reason: mentioning a non-permitted website

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  8. #6
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    Thanks for your reply Junglemum,

    We've already both read what to expect when you're expecting and I've been through the wonder weeks, as well as the iPregnant app and wonder weeks app, and some dad focused material (the latter however has been very poor)

    My partner doesn't leave books lying around (we're in a digital age, so all of her books are on kindle).

    Please don't see me as making excuses, I'm just having difficulty sorting the wheat from the chaff

    Quote Originally Posted by JungleMum View Post
    Is your wife reading 'What to Expect When Your Exoecting'? Read it together each week/month.

    Sign up to weekly pregnancy updates & subsequent baby development updates.

    Look up loads of resources online.

    There are specific books for Dads, just Google it & maybe check the reviews on Amazon.

    My DH used to read the weekly updates & just pick up all the books I had lying around. He 'gets it' & it's great!
    Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 20-01-2014 at 08:06. Reason: referring to edited post

  9. #7
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    Hope you don't mind a mum answering About support during a c section, the spinal makes you feel like something is sitting on your chest (it paralyses a few muscles you use to breath, it's a bit scary), my DH helped me heaps just by holding my hand and chatting to me. He also helped by scratching my nose (one of the other drugs can make your face itchy). Between scratching my face, remembering to breath and chatting to DH I forgot to be afraid and it went really smoothly
    Also, I find those books pretty dry too (I haven't even opened any of mine since DD1 was a few weeks old, I preferred to muddle through and trust my instincts).

    I google the topics that interest me, hearing from people first hand can be very enlightening (just beware of hot button topics, people post a lot of misinformation about vaccines, etc.). When in doubt ask a gp or mchn

    Good luck with it all

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  11. #8
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    I'm not sure where to point you in the way of resources for dads (there should be more out there!), maybe have a read up on the 'fourth trimester'? It may help in your understanding of what is going on with bub in the newborn phase. Also, a valuable app to download is called the 'wonder weeks' - it will help you understand when bub is having a growth spurt, reaching a developmental milestone, etc.

    Good luck!

    Edited - just saw that you've looked at wonder weeks already. Ignore me! I find the pregnancy/baby books quite dull, I don't think it is just men.
    Last edited by Barnaby; 19-01-2014 at 16:44.

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  13. #9
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    Pretty sure I have the DVD here somewhere, if u r interested I am happy to post it to u.

    And kudos for trying to be as involved as possible!!!
    Last edited by Mod-Uniquey; 20-01-2014 at 09:58. Reason: Mentioning a non-permitted website link

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  15. #10
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    Thanks for your replies. I appreciate everything you're suggesting and of course I welcome any input from Mums or Dads

    Already read "Being dad" - but thanks just the same

    Perhaps I should be more specific about what I'm asking for:
    1. I would like some sort of magic decoder ring (dictionary) for things like bunny rugs and rompers and everything in between
    2. I'd like some info on daily routines after birth
    3. I'd like some info about supporting women post surgery with C sections
    4. I'd like some info about dealing with bubs on a day to day basis (beyond the wonder weeks)
    Last edited by keljian; 19-01-2014 at 16:54.


 

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