So I have no idea where to put this, I am devastated and very confused.
I'm a regular hubber undercover as this is so personal and upsetting.
Bit of background, my mum is over visiting for a while to help with my baby who is due soon. She has told me some news that I had no idea about.
Basically as a baby and young child I was very close to my mums parents. I have always looked up to them and when they died many years ago I was devastated. When I got married I wished they could be there at my wedding and I was planning on naming our baby after my grandfather.
Anyway DH, myself and my mum were talking about raising kids etc and the dangers out there and mum kept saying over and over how people who you least expect to be abusers are usually the ones you have to watch out for. She then went on to tell me how my aunt was badly abused from a young age for years.
I asked who did it and she said she would tell me one day... Not now. I asked if I knew the person and she said yes. I left it at that but was really upset and it had been playing on my mind for days until I asked her again about it today.
She has confirmed my worst fears my grandfather, the person I was so close to, who I respected so much, who I loved, who I missed, abused my Aunty for a lot of her life. (S3xually)
I'm beyond devastated, I was in tears talking about it and I am also a bit angry that I know for a fact mum let my grandparents take me on holidays etc on their own MANY times. I asked WHY she let them take me knowing full well my grandfather was an abuser and she said because my grandmother knew what he did and she would never have left me alone in his care... Well how does she know that? How could she possibly guarantee that he wouldn't be able to abuse me as well? I'm so confused and upset.
I feel sick about it. I asked how she couldn't hate him? She then went on to tell me that he tried to abuse her too, her first memory when she was 8 and she screamed and ran away etc. apparently he tried again when she was about 12 and she did the same again. Unfortunately I don't think my Aunty was as confident in telling him to leave her alone.
I feel like everything I thought I knew about my family was a lie.
What's worrying me a bit too is that for some weird reason I have often wondered if I was abused as a child and have suppressed memories, there are certain things I remember doing and knowing as a very young child which when I think back about, I wonder how I knew these things? Iykwim?
I don't remember any abuse, but I wonder sometimes if I have suppressed the memories. I am too scared to see a counselor etc as if anything did happen to me, then I really honestly just don't want to remember. I don't think I would be able to cope. I'd rather go through my life NOT knowing
I am so confused now anyway I just needed to get that out.
Sent from my iPhone using The Bub Hub mobile app