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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    No, I am implying that when I decided to have children I was young and healthy and that played a part in my choice.
    Oh, see, I wasn't really healthy when I was younger! Phew. Lucky I didn't reproduce LOL

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  3. #82
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    I don't see any bashing of young mums on this thread, just people giving their opinion. Especially OP as you asked for it? You asked what "older" mums think?

    Almost every person has said age has no bearing on the ability to be a good mum.

  4. #83
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    I dont understand why you are getting so angry Cass? in neither thread have I read anything nasty. If you are a young mum and want more, then good for you. As long as you look after your kids properly, then that's none of anyone's business. I admit I get pretty judgy with parents (of all ages) that don't put their kids first and look after them. Older parents can do that too though. So it's not an age thing for me.

    Are you happy with your choices? if you are then don't worry.

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  6. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I dont understand why you are getting so angry Cass? in neither thread have I read anything nasty. If you are a young mum and want more, then good for you. As long as you look after your kids properly, then that's none of anyone's business. I admit I get pretty judgy with parents (of all ages) that don't put their kids first and look after them. Older parents can do that too though. So it's not an age thing for me.

    Are you happy with your choices? if you are then don't worry.
    It was the yes young people can be good parents BUT, and then a list of reason why being a young parent is a bad idea and it was mostly the one post that bothered me and I'm not really angry, just arguing a point.

  7. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    I find so much of this post offensive, I don't even know where to begin.
    The last couple of posts have shown me clearly why I get a negative vibe off women who wait till they are older to have children. You all think that we should have what you have had, that we all value what you value and if we don't have it we have missed out.
    I want to make a couple of points.
    -Not everyone wants a big career. That does not make me uneducated, it just means that to ME, raising my children was my biggest desire.
    -Not everyone needs lots of money, I don't need an expensive car or a big house and I don't think that my children do either. We are very financially secure and independent. For 2 reasons DH has worked very hard to make sure we are and we live within our means.
    -Me and DH have been together for 12 years, we have a very stable relationship.
    -I never saw having kids through rose coloured glasses, I knew as best as any first time mum could, what I was in for.
    -and lastly just because you might not have had maturity or emotional intelligence at 20 doesn't mean that there aren't many out there that do.
    Hey you asked the question and I tried to give you a really honest answer. It seems like you posted this thread looking for an argument and this has caused you to read responses through negative nancy glasses ...which in turn appears to have caused you to misinterpret things.

    I don't judge women who want a different life than I did. I have never said that women who don't want a career outside the home aren't making valid choices. You're a SAHM? Good on you, that's a tough job.

    I judge women who have kids when they are not in a good position to do so: young or old. When they are not financially secure, when they have only been in a relationship for a short time, when they want to study but have not done so yet. Sure this can apply to old and young parents.

    As for the financially secure aspect different people have different definitions of what is secure. For me if you are young and renting a small place, don't have a job, and your partners income is such that you will need to rely on welfare for most of the child rearing then yes I judge you for damning your kids to a life close to the poverty line. If this doesn't describe your situation then my words are not directed at you. I've unfortunately seen too many friends live really tough lives because they had kids when they were young and before they were ready. Are they good parents: most of them. But gee they have it tough.

    I never said that a 20 year old can't be mature. But it's a fact of life that the human brain doesn't fully develop/mature until on average 25 years of age. Sorry if that offends.

    I'm sure you're a good Mum and hats off to you for being a SAHM, I couldn't do that job it would drive me nuts (genuinely no offence intended with that!).
    Last edited by VicPark; 16-01-2014 at 20:32.

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  9. #86
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    I think you need to let it go???

    Kids can't live on love alone.

    I'm actually grateful that we don't have to scrimp and budget strictly and live on pasta and home brands. We can get take away if we cbf cooking. We can go on family holidays a few times a year without the budget/savings taking a big hit.

    I choose to work. I don't have to, but it helps maintain the lifestyle we want. I'm lucky enough that working part time brings home a good wage because I studied. I'm lucky that my husband earns really good money. We live in a nice area close to the beach and city. None of this would've been achievable if I had kids in my teens or early 20's.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hey you asked the question and I tried to give you a really honest answer. It seems like you posted this thread looking for an argument and this has caused you to read responses through negative nancy glasses ...which in turn appears to have caused you to misinterpret things.

    I don't judge women who want a different life than I did. I have never said that women who don't want a career outside the home aren't making valid choices. You're a SAHM? Good on you, that's a tough job.

    I judge women who have kids when they are not in a good position to do so: young or old. When they are not financially secure, when they have only been in a relationship for a short time, when they want to study but have not done so yet.

    As for the financially secure aspect different people have different definitions of what is secure. For me if you are young and renting a small place, don't have a job, and your partners income is such that you will need to rely on welfare for most of the child rearing then yes I judge you for damning your kids to a life close to the poverty line. If this doesn't describe your situation then my words are not directed at you.

    I never said that a 20 year old can't be mature. But it's a fact of life that the human brain doesn't fully develop/mature until on average 25 years of age. Sorry if that offends.

    I'm sure you're a good Mum and hats off to you for being a SAHM, I couldn't do that job it would drive me nuts (genuinely no offence intended with that!).
    I understand that you don't want to offend, but see it from my point of view. how would you feel if I put up a list of reasons why working mums aren't always the best mums, that's not what I think but I'm sure there are working mums that would find it hurtful.
    And this was a very nice thread in till about 4 pages ago. I tried to respond to people politely and in a non argumentative way and then I come back to a thread full post about why its better to wait and why young people don't always make good parents.

  12. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I think you need to let it go???

    Kids can't live on love alone.

    I'm actually grateful that we don't have to scrimp and budget strictly and live on pasta and home brands. We can get take away if we cbf cooking. We can go on family holidays a few times a year without the budget/savings taking a big hit.

    I choose to work. I don't have to, but it helps maintain the lifestyle we want. I'm lucky enough that working part time brings home a good wage because I studied. I'm lucky that my husband earns really good money. We live in a nice area close to the beach and city. None of this would've been achievable if I had kids in my teens or early 20's.
    I would but people keep posting and I think its rude not to respond.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    It was the yes young people can be good parents BUT, and then a list of reason why being a young parent is a bad idea and it was mostly the one post that bothered me and I'm not really angry, just arguing a point.
    You asked what older mums thought. What I have read is most of us saying we don't think being young makes you a bad parent, but *generally* young parents lack life experience, financial and relationship stability. I would say usually that's pretty right on? that's not an insult just fact.

    I'm not going to lie, I want my children to wait for kids until 25. If they didn't I'd support their decision and love them and my grandchildren unconditionally. But yes, I want them to finish uni, work a few years at least (especially DD so she has a career to go back to). I want them to travel, go to the movies and dinner without worrying about a babysitter. Get life experience. Life experience helps you make better decisions.

    Does that mean I think young parents are bad parents? not at all.

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  15. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    I understand that you don't want to offend, but see it from my point of view. how would you feel if I put up a list of reasons why working mums aren't always the best mums, that's not what I think but I'm sure there are working mums that would find it hurtful.
    And this was a very nice thread in till about 4 pages ago. I tried to respond to people politely and in a non argumentative way and then I come back to a thread full post about why its better to wait and why young people don't always make good parents.
    Please quote the post that said that young people don't make good parents, because I didn't see it. These old eyes must've missed that post


 

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