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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post

    And you may feel that you missed out but a lot of young mums don't feel that way and I found that people telling someone to wait because they feel that young people should travel or go to uni was something that bothered me.
    Like I said, I don't want to argue about the other thread or about when its best to have a baby. I was just wondering what people thought about the subject.
    It's just a difference of opinion.

    If my 20 year old niece told me she was going to try and have a baby with her boyfriend I'd encourage her to wait and get a stable job/home first and finish uni/work in a job in for awhile first. She doesn't have the maturity needed to raise a child. That's really not unreasonable.

    If you are happy being a young mum and keep insisting that you haven't missed out on anything then don't worry what others think. If you're happy in your own life then don't let opinions of others bring you down. You'll cop criticism from all angles when you are a mother.

    These days it quite normal that women are encouraged to study/ have a career before they have children so if things go awry they have something to fall back on and aren't dependent on the man/ partner for financial support. It's not for everyone but it does have advantages.

    Great mums come in all ages it really doesn't matter how old you are. If you are planning on kids though so not an accident, I tend to think its better to wait till you have a stable home to bring baby into and an income to support the family so there isn't too much financial stress.
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 16-01-2014 at 12:36.

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gentoo View Post

    Younger mums may feel judged by older mums, but older mums can also feel judged by younger mums. There is sometimes the implication that we're selfish for waiting, or that we're on zimmer-frames and won't be able to play or have fun with our kids, neither of which is the case.
    God I had to laugh at this! "Henry, get mummy's walking stick so I can get to the scooter so we can go for a ride to get a paddle pop".

  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    God I had to laugh at this! "Henry, get mummy's walking stick so I can get to the scooter so we can go for a ride to get a paddle pop".
    What are you thinking letting Henry have paddle pops?!

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  6. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    What are you thinking letting Henry have paddle pops?!
    I meant sugar free organic crushed apple pops.

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  8. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    I meant sugar free organic crushed apple pops.
    Phew!

  9. #56
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    I don't think it's unfair to say that younger people in general are more likely to be emotionally immature. If you consider adolescence as a developmental stage, it can last until the early 20's before certain areas of the brain are fully developed. So making life changing decisions before this time can be potentially more dangerous.
    And unfortunately, this is coupled with the stereotype that young mums tend to have things like less stable relationships and homes.

    BUT since we are intelligent, compassionate people, we should be able to judge people as individuals and not rely on the cognitive shortcuts that are stereotypes and biases. And know that just because someone falls into a group (such as young people) that is associated with certain factors, this in no way means that every person in that group will exhibit those characteristics so it's pretty damn unfair to assume they will.
    And of course it's natural to try and understand people and give advice based on one's own experience, a lot of people (myself included) recognise that children wouldn't have been a good idea at that age for them so tend to feel concerned when the see other people doing it. But that doesn't mean the decision was wrong for them.

    Sorry this is getting long, I've sort of slipped into psych essay mode

    My point - I can easily see where the judgement on younger mums (or anyone else really) comes from, we can be better than that and remember that people are different!

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  11. #57
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    Honestly I don't think I read any post saying older or younger mums were better or worse mums?

    It was more a question of what else could you do with your life before committing it to children.
    But I don't believe anyone said that because you are young you won't be a good mum?

    Young or old is not what matters to being a good parent

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    As others have said, there's no perfect age to start a family, and good parenting itself has nothing to do with age. My perspective focuses more on the individual who is a parent.

    One of my main concerns with young mums (my definition being teens & very early 20s) is that they won't know what life experiences they are "missing out" on because they are so young. They may not feel like it affects them at the time people are doing things other than having babies, but it can limit things like job opportunities and social interactions in the long term.

    I don't like it when people make "just a mum" statements, but I do believe being a mum should only be a part of your personal definition, not the whole thing - and I don't mean breaking down the tasks of a mum being a chef, cleaner, nurse, etc. Young mums are more at risk of falling into this than older mums because they haven't had the time to invest solely on their personal development.

    My sis (30 with 4 kids) is currently going through a bit of an identity crisis which is all about her starting her family at 20. She feels that everything about her life relates to her kids and has no idea what she's going to do with herself once they're all off at school and beyond. She struggles to socialise with anyone else than other mums. I'm sure she will find ways to move beyond this, but it makes me so glad I invested in myself during those years and feel that 28 is a great age to have my first child - that's just right for my life though.

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  14. #59
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    I don't think young mums can't be good mums. I think they can be bloody good mums just the same as older mums. Older mums can be crap too just like young mums.

    My concern is that from what I've seen it is (and yes I am generalising/averaging) harder to be ready to be a mum when you are young.
    - The relationship with the partner might not be as solid (this doesn't mean young people can't have successful relationships).
    - A young person is less likely to have finished studying/have a career. Meaning they are less likely to be financially secure and independent. Many young parents later work really hard to finish studying when they have kids. Hats off to them, total legends but gee it's a lot of Stress studying when you have kids.
    - a young person is less likely to be financially secure and independent. Meaning there's a higher chance they will struggle/have to work extra hard to make ends meet. There's a higher likelihood of living closer to the poverty line and renting for most of their life. And they may be more susceptible to staying with substandard partners and all the negativity that involves.

    So my judgement isn't in saying a young person can't be a good mum. It's more questioning the maturity and emotional intelligence of those that rush into kids in such a way that leaves them struggling. I suppose this can happen with older parents but more often than not I see it with younger people who look at having kids through rose colored glasses (as the OP in the original thread which sparked this spinoff).

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  16. #60
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    I personally dont believe age has anything to do with being a good parent. Its about your attitude, behaviour and actions.

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