+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 16 FirstFirst 123412 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 152
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    415
    Thanks
    136
    Thanked
    117
    Reviews
    0
    I am 23 and my husband is 27 and we have a 2 year old and I am pregnant with our second.

    I always feel judged by older mums that my children were accidental or unwanted, and even that I could not possibly give my children great opportunities in life because of my age.

    My husband and I were married before we had children and very much decided and planned in advance both of our kids. We took everything into consideration - our finances, our capabilities as young parents, and even down to how well we would cope and how much help we would be able to get from our parents, as they are obviously young and working full time as well.
    It took us nearly a year to fall pregnant with my first son, so of course we were delighted and more excited than ever to hear that we were finally pregnant.

    My husband and I bought our house when I was 18... We had saved our deposit all on our own. We are in the process of building a brand new house now - again, that we have saved and worked hard for all by ourselves.

    My son is very well dressed, well fed, goes to swimming lessons twice a week, plays kindy soccer once a week, and has regular play dates with other children. He is bathed every night, read to, cuddled, sang to, kissed, played with and educated. Developmentally he is right where he should be - he runs, he talks, he swims, he laughs and most importantly - he loves.
    Yes, I am a young mum, but My husband and I provide for him everything an older mother and father could provide for him.

    I hate feeling judged by older parents because they have no idea of our situation. My husband and I have worked hard for everything we have and will continue to provide the very best for our children that we can regardless of our age.

    Don't judge a book by its cover - just because I am younger than you does not make me an incapable parent. Nor does it make me love my children any less than you do. It also doesn't mean that I am financially disadvantaged or that I provide less opportunities to my family. It may just be that I was more interested in setting myself up for life when I was younger than going out drinking with my friends every weekend.

    I wouldn't change my life or my decisions to have children young for anything. My babies are my absolute world. There is nothing I love more than watching my son grow and blossom into a polite and warm hearted little boy.

    Please feel free to tell me how I am doing a bad job just because I am younger than you.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JesskaMay For This Useful Post:

    blissfulfairy  (16-01-2014),Mum2b87  (18-01-2014)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    4,247
    Thanks
    160
    Thanked
    311
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    me too ..im 41 im envious sometimes of young mums and wish i had of had my kids a little earlier..i wish i could have had my self together! my SIL is 27 and gorgeous and has one and another on the way, sometimes i envy her youth and that her children will be older and she will still be youngish...i dont judge young mums i dont think..some ppl are "ageist" whether it be young mum vs old mum etc but i see this actually more towards women who "choose" (use that word loosely as many older mums didnt exactly have a choice often) to have kids older ie they are being selfish, career driven, they will be 80 in the shade when the kid goes to high school,its not fair for the child etc etc. ive also had the few odd situations where i felt like a mum didnt want to get to know me cos i was "old" and they were "young" type of thing so maybe there are different "issues" facing a younger mother compared to older mother...?

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    555
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    193
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by jade24 View Post
    The one thing that does frustrate me is people who say 'Oh, but you haven't lived!' Uh, what have I been doing all these years if not living?! Just because I chose a different path to others doesn't make my life less meaningful!

    In my case I had already traveled all over Europe and Malaysia before falling pregnant, I was never into clubs or drinking (I very, very rarely drink now - can't even remember the last time), I bought my first house at 18 and I'm now about to complete my degree. Oh and I have five beautiful kids and I just turned 30. Pretttty happy with my decisions
    I also get the "you haven't lived" or "but you missed out on so much" and it frustrates me to. I personally don't think I have missed out on anything I can't do later and I am living my life, just not in the same way they are.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    6,030
    Thanks
    5,464
    Thanked
    4,403
    Reviews
    20
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I'm a young mum (23 and married with 2 kids) but I'm going to answer with my experience.

    Of the mums that I know:
    -more young mums are single or in unhealthy relationships than older mums
    -more young mums are struggling financially than older mums
    -more young mums are having their child babysat so they can go out and get sloshed than older mums
    -more young mums have their babies in childcare for a break than older mums

    I know that is definitely not the case for all young mums (myself included) but I can understand that if you're more likely to see things like the above in a young mum you know, compared to an older mum, your view will be jaded.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    9,898
    Thanks
    3,055
    Thanked
    5,860
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I'm 34 and my DS is almost 3. Not sure if I'm considered an 'older mum' or not, but I don't have the view that young mums are bad mums - no way!

    Age isn't relevant as long as you are willing to be a dedicated parent.

    There are women on here in their 20's and I marvel at their maturity and at how much they seem to have it all together (even from a financial point).

  7. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    555
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    193
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by jfblady72 View Post
    me too ..im 41 im envious sometimes of young mums and wish i had of had my kids a little earlier..i wish i could have had my self together! my SIL is 27 and gorgeous and has one and another on the way, sometimes i envy her youth and that her children will be older and she will still be youngish...i dont judge young mums i dont think..some ppl are "ageist" whether it be young mum vs old mum etc but i see this actually more towards women who "choose" (use that word loosely as many older mums didnt exactly have a choice often) to have kids older ie they are being selfish, career driven, they will be 80 in the shade when the kid goes to high school,its not fair for the child etc etc. ive also had the few odd situations where i felt like a mum didnt want to get to know me cos i was "old" and they were "young" type of thing so maybe there are different "issues" facing a younger mother compared to older mother...?
    That is a good point. I think your right, that maybe everyone judges.

  8. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,234
    Thanks
    652
    Thanked
    893
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I don't think young mums aren't good mums. Not at all. I'm sure that there are wonderful young mums (as there are older).

    I just know a fair few young (under 21) mums who thought it would be so great to have a kid with someone whod be with them forever, when they've already broken up. That's a little upsetting for me as I really believe in the family unit. And one or two or the mums then leaves the grandma to look after the baby while they go out every weekend etc. Not to mention lack of financial stability.

    I'm just not sure that that's what parenting is meant to be.

    I'm certainly not saying that there is an 'ideal' parenting age or image, I would have loved to have my 1st kid around 26 but it didn't work out that way.

    And honestly I can think of nothing nicer than being say 40 when your kid is just starting to go into their teens. I would have loves to have been that mum

  9. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    555
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    193
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    I'm a young mum (23 and married with 2 kids) but I'm going to answer with my experience.

    Of the mums that I know:
    -more young mums are single or in unhealthy relationships than older mums
    -more young mums are struggling financially than older mums
    -more young mums are having their child babysat so they can go out and get sloshed than older mums
    -more young mums have their babies in childcare for a break than older mums

    I know that is definitely not the case for all young mums (myself included) but I can understand that if you're more likely to see things like the above in a young mum you know, compared to an older mum, your view will be jaded.
    See that's the generalisation I'm talking about, how many older mums do you know to compared to young mums. Also I don't think that struggling financially makes you a bad mum, my parents struggled a lot and they were wonderful parents.

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    555
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    193
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    I don't think young mums aren't good mums. Not at all. I'm sure that there are wonderful young mums (as there are older).

    I just know a fair few young (under 21) mums who thought it would be so great to have a kid with someone whod be with them forever, when they've already broken up. That's a little upsetting for me as I really believe in the family unit. And one or two or the mums then leaves the grandma to look after the baby while they go out every weekend etc. Not to mention lack of financial stability.

    I'm just not sure that that's what parenting is meant to be.

    I'm certainly not saying that there is an 'ideal' parenting age or image, I would have loved to have my 1st kid around 26 but it didn't work out that way.

    And honestly I can think of nothing nicer than being say 40 when your kid is just starting to go into their teens. I would have loves to have been that mum
    I'm not sure that's what parenting is meant to be either and I will admit I look at those mums and judge but I know older mums that do that as well.

  11. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    555
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    193
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by JesskaMay View Post
    Please feel free to tell me how I am doing a bad job just because I am younger than you.
    If that's aimed at me, I think you need to reread my post.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Need to meet some older mums
    By lydie in forum Rockingham
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-09-2013, 20:41
  2. Older mums...everything I read is so depressing!
    By Tangwyn in forum First Trimester Chat
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 26-06-2013, 11:15
  3. Question for mums with older children who co-slept
    By Buttoneska in forum General Sleeping & Settling Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 25-03-2013, 19:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Softmats
With so many amazing reversible designs, the soft and cushioned Premium Bubba Mats are the perfect space for all the family. Not only do they look fantastic; you can also enjoy the quality and comfort for years to come.
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
121Temps
For the last 10 years 121 Temps has helped thousands of personal assistants/others to set up and work as a virtual assistant from home. Our services include: - One-2-One Mentoring - Online Training/Courses - Handbook, Toolkits, Templates & more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!