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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bplus3 View Post
    Oh yep I get asked if same fathers! It's such a rude question! Can't wait for next person to ask me!
    It's funny, it must be an age thing that people ask that. My kids DO have different dads (was with my husband 12 years though, DD was the surprise). I'm 36 (my kids are now 2 & 6), and I've NEVER been asked! Everyone assumes they have the same dad. It's funny.

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I think you need to let it go???

    Kids can't live on love alone.

    I'm actually grateful that we don't have to scrimp and budget strictly and live on pasta and home brands. We can get take away if we cbf cooking. We can go on family holidays a few times a year without the budget/savings taking a big hit.

    I choose to work. I don't have to, but it helps maintain the lifestyle we want. I'm lucky enough that working part time brings home a good wage because I studied. I'm lucky that my husband earns really good money. We live in a nice area close to the beach and city. None of this would've been achievable if I had kids in my teens or early 20's.

    I live in beach front 3 bedroom apartment in one of the nicest suburbs in my city. I am going to uni for a career change after working in finance. I had my first child at 20 then the second at 22. They are 5 and 6. Yes my marriage failed but I am mid 20's and now seeing a lovely man who thinks of my kids like his own. We get takeaway if we want, we go places for fun. We even go on holidays.

    This was achievable for me at 20. (No trust funds or family support either).

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  4. #123
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    But that IS how it is... Unless you had a magical brain that sped up your development, completed uni when you were 10 and gained full time employment?
    How do you not understand that the younger you have children, the less time you have to mature, work, be in an adult relationship etc.?
    I didn't need to go to uni for my career choice, I worked in it full time since I was 15 till maternity leave for my children. Previously to that I started working at 12 years old and also held two jobs at once for about a year, Everyone matures differently, we are all faced with different situation in life, that can makes that happen. As for an adult relationship, I've been with my 1 and only partner since I was 15. Still going strong.
    It may be true for some, just like its true for some "older" people that have children.

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  6. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm sorry but you're never going to convince me a 18-20 year old is as ready to have a kid (without struggle) as a 25, 30 year old. That they may be a good mum? I don't disagree at all there.
    And I'm saying just cause your 30 or so doesn't mean you also won't struggle.

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  8. #125
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    When I see a young mum (like 20) I have two thoughts. One I wonder why they have had kids so young (ie what's the rush?) not really a judgement call I genuinely wonder given that most people have kids later nowadays. Had I been in the position to have children in my early 20s I probably would have. Two I am jealous of their energy. It is very different getting up after 4 hours sleep when you are 37 compared to when you are 20!

    The only young mum I genuinely have judged was the 14 year old I know who had a baby purely to get welfare. She brags about how much she gets from centrelink because she has a baby "$900 a fortnight can you believe it". Kids that young I think don't get that the baby is their responsibility for the next 18 years. This kid already has a bunch of problems (the mum not the baby) and I see the baby ending up in the care of relatives.

  9. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bplus3 View Post
    I didn't need to go to uni for my career choice, I worked in it full time since I was 15 till maternity leave for my children. Previously to that I started working at 12 years old and also held two jobs at once for about a year, Everyone matures differently, we are all faced with different situation in life, that can makes that happen. As for an adult relationship, I've been with my 1 and only partner since I was 15. Still going strong.
    It may be true for some, just like its true for some "older" people that have children.
    You completely missed my point.

    I'm not even going to bother trying to further explain the realities, it seems as though some people are looking for something that just isn't there.

    As to all of the 'older mums' that have replied, not all of us 'young mums' have taken what you have said personally

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  11. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    Cbf finding the quote, but someone wrote earlier that she wasn't missing out by having children young.

    But see you are missing out. This may not bother you, and that's great. But by taking on the responsibilities of children at a young age you are missing out on carefree, independent life experiences. Just like mums who wait until their late 30s/early 40s miss out on the chance to enjoy more personal time in middle age or be a young grandmother.

    No matter what choice you make you are missing out on the alternative - that's life. You can still be completely at peace & happy with your choice and it's not saying you made the wrong choice to acknowledge what you missed out on as a consequence.
    THANK YOU!!!!!!

    this!

    not one person that I have seen has said young people make bad parents, just gave examples of why it can be good to wait a few years.

    if I had a son or daughter who said they wanted children young I would support them but yes absolutey I would mention that kids grow up fast and it is a good idea to have something to fall back on.

    if I had a son or daughter who said they wanted to wait until their 40s to have children I would support them but mention they may need to be prepared for the possibilit of IVF and have they considered that they may approach their 60s and still be raising teens/young adults.

    There are pros and cons to both.

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  13. #128
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    Well I'm screwed and missing out in both ways lol. I had children at age 20 but now unexpectedly pregnant at 36. Oh well lol.

  14. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by tastychicken View Post
    I live in beach front 3 bedroom apartment in one of the nicest suburbs in my city. I am going to uni for a career change after working in finance. I had my first child at 20 then the second at 22. They are 5 and 6. Yes my marriage failed but I am mid 20's and now seeing a lovely man who thinks of my kids like his own. We get takeaway if we want, we go places for fun. We even go on holidays.

    This was achievable for me at 20. (No trust funds or family support either).
    Good for you but I said that it wouldn't have been achievable for *me* as I was a poor uni student from the ages if 18-21. But I didn't want that at that age anyway and if I did fall pregnant then, I wouldn't have kept the baby anyway. I also wouldn't want to do it on my own or without my children's father. I come from a blended family myself and don't want that for my kids.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 17-01-2014 at 18:17.

  15. #130
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    I'm still spun out that some people think 30 ish is an "older" mum lol. I get that it's older than some people who have kids but I guess I assumed they would see themselves as younger mums rather than people older than them as older mums, if that makes sense! I'm pretty sure the average age is around 30 for Australia which by definition means it isn't "older". Anyway I know it doesn't matter it's just quite new to me to feel old!


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