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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    And this was a very nice thread in till about 4 pages ago. I tried to respond to people politely and in a non argumentative way and then I come back to a thread full post about why its better to wait and why young people don't always make good parents.
    Purely out of interest sake, would you encourage your own kids to forgoe uni/career/travel/life experience to have children at 18-20?

    When reading this thread I think about my own kid, what do I want for him. I want him to travel and see the world, discover himself a little before he has a child. To study and be happy in his career so he can make his own money and never need to rely on anyone. For me, I'd def encourage him to wait to have kids. It's not always a negative thing.

    You did ask the question so people are giving you an answer, they aren't trying to be offensive.

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  3. #92
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    I think pps who've said that judgement happens to both ends of the spectrum are right. I just had my 1st at 39 (I'm now 40) & have had comments about my age & about how it will hinder my ability to be a good Mum. For me, personally I would have loved to meet my DH earlier & had kids younger, but life didn't play out that way. I have friends who have kids old enough to babysit DS. I've worked as a nanny for 21 years & have something to compare my current experience to. If I could I'd love the energy I had in my early 20s combined with the wisdom & hindsight I have now as a Mum. But that's just me, I have a chronic health condition that means I'm not as able bodied as I was in my 20s. But that's just my experience.

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  5. #93
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    Cbf finding the quote, but someone wrote earlier that she wasn't missing out by having children young.

    But see you are missing out. This may not bother you, and that's great. But by taking on the responsibilities of children at a young age you are missing out on carefree, independent life experiences. Just like mums who wait until their late 30s/early 40s miss out on the chance to enjoy more personal time in middle age or be a young grandmother.

    No matter what choice you make you are missing out on the alternative - that's life. You can still be completely at peace & happy with your choice and it's not saying you made the wrong choice to acknowledge what you missed out on as a consequence.

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  7. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    Cbf finding the quote, but someone wrote earlier that she wasn't missing out by having children young.

    But see you are missing out. This may not bother you, and that's great. But by taking on the responsibilities of children at a young age you are missing out on carefree, independent life experiences. Just like mums who wait until their late 30s/early 40s miss out on the chance to enjoy more personal time in middle age or be a young grandmother.

    No matter what choice you make you are missing out on the alternative - that's life. You can still be completely at peace & happy with your choice and it's not saying you made the wrong choice to acknowledge what you missed out on as a consequence.
    Yes! very well said

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  9. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    Honestly the first time I felt judged was when I was pregnant for the first time and my midwife was HORRIBLE about me being young and basically ignored me my whole labour, (which ending up putting DS1's life in danger), then I got a younger midwife and she was lovely and helped me finish my labour.
    (this most likely plays a big part in making this an issue for me)

    Then the other time I felt most judged was Kindy, it was an expensive private kindy and the mums their were just so rude and clicky.
    I get that you've felt judged and it's not a nice feeling. You just get judged no matter what you do. You'll get judged by a midwife if you don't breast feed or at kindy if you are the oldest mum. I've done Ivf and been judged for that. Once you become a mum, it seems almost everything you do is up for judgment.

    If you are happy and confident in your choices and your own life then don't let a few negative experiences make you think that all mums are the same. Especially " older" mums because they really aren't.

  10. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yes! very well said
    Yes I def agree.

  11. #97
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    I've read through and I don't think there has been anything offensive.

    In response to your question and subsequent posts..
    I dont judge young mums. At all. I do consider myself an 'older' mum I guess. When I think about what I was like in my 20s I was nowhere near ready to have a baby! I had a miscarriage when I was 26. Now most people would consider this a fine age to have a baby. But I wasn't stable...I was living overseas, the relationship was dodgy at best...I was travelling.... I was devastated to lose a baby, and oftrn think about that little life now....but knowing what I know now about being a mum, gosh, it would've been a steep learning curve for me.

    Some people are ready for motherhood young. And thats okay, I think the majority of older people like myslef just look back and think about the stability of their lives at certain ages or what they were doing etc. Not everyone wants to travel etc. But it sure is a pretty good way to spend your 20s. Getting a degree...seeing new things, not being tied down.

    Because thats what I did in my 20s doesn't mean everyone should. However, I will probably teach my daughter to do that...and I often say it to my nieces..go get a degree, learn about who you are, depend on yourself...then fall in love and create a family.


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  13. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    Purely out of interest sake, would you encourage your own kids to forgoe uni/career/travel/life experience to have children at 18-20?

    When reading this thread I think about my own kid, what do I want for him. I want him to travel and see the world, discover himself a little before he has a child. To study and be happy in his career so he can make his own money and never need to rely on anyone. For me, I'd def encourage him to wait to have kids. It's not always a negative thing.

    You did ask the question so people are giving you an answer, they aren't trying to be offensive.
    I would encourage them to do whatever they think will make them happy, if that's uni and a career they work at 80 hours a week and no kids or if its living in the middle of nowhere with 20 kids on a self sustaining property or anywhere in the middle.

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  15. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Please quote the post that said that young people don't make good parents, because I didn't see it. These old eyes must've missed that post
    You old fart Big red time to get those spectacles..

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  17. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by CassJ View Post
    I understand that you don't want to offend, but see it from my point of view. how would you feel if I put up a list of reasons why working mums aren't always the best mums, that's not what I think but I'm sure there are working mums that would find it hurtful.
    And this was a very nice thread in till about 4 pages ago. I tried to respond to people politely and in a non argumentative way and then I come back to a thread full post about why its better to wait and why young people don't always make good parents.
    I'm not saying young mums aren't always the best mums. I'm saying young mums on average have it harder. - have to struggle and work harder to be a good mum.

    Hey I'm a working parent and yes: there are definitely pitfalls. It's not all roses. Also I'm not saying I started having kids at the perfect age. I was ready about 30 but an unbelievable job opportunity came my way so kids got postponed until 33. So I'm an old fart of 36ish having my second kid. Not ideal for me but whatever I've had a good run so far.

    Anyway just wanted to highlight it's not all roses on either side of the fence.

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