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  1. #1
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    Default I'm just not sure it's normal...

    My middle child is 4.5 years (girl), she has been quite "difficult" to deal with since as long as hubby and I can remember, but I'm feeling really overwhelmed and we are not sure where to go from here.
    I don't want to label her and I don't want to sound like I'm over-reacting but I honestly don't think that how she is, is considered normal and appropriate.
    She's very strong willed in life, she doesn't like being told she can't do something, touch, eat, play. She hates to share and goes as far as hitting, growling or screaming at the other child/sibling if I step in and say no it's their turn now.
    She is a compulsive eater and eats all day but barely anything healthy, and if you don't give it to her she proceeds to have the screaming/growling/hitting tantrum like mentioned above.
    We are on a waiting list to have her tonsils and adenoids removed very soon, which I feel could be half the problem. She doesn't sleep well, she was recently put on anti-biotics for her tonsils and she slept the whole night and her breathe smelt normal (it was smelling horrible).
    She starts Kindy this year for 2 days 1 week and 3 days the other. She went to a Pre-Kindy program last year that I went to with her and I was surprised by her behaviour, she was so quiet, she didn't respond to the teachers when spoken to, she was unusually shy, she did as she was told to but would never talk.

    I'm just concerned by all this, it's not sending off alarm bells for anything imparticular, doesn't sound autistic nor adhd to me?

    I'm really hoping the tonsils removed might make some difference but I'm not convinced it's going to change everything.
    Hubby and I spoke to a GP about it and didn't find him very helpful at all.

    What would you do? I know some of these things might sound trivial over the net but it's honestly not normal behaviour, I have 2 other children who are not like this at all.

    Anyways any advice would be appreciated, I want some answers for my daughter..

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    Could it be partly diet related if she is eating a lot of junk?

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    I'd find a new gp and keep looking til you were satisfied with some answers. Whether that be testing and diagnosis for her or reassurance that it's a normal stage.

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    Have you tried giving her probiotics?

    Also, she might do well with some sort of children's fish oil. Cod liver oil in particular.

    They won't hurt her to try anyway!

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    You poor mummy it sounds like hard work. I'm not a nutritionist but id be going through all my cupboards and fridge and throwing out all processed junk food. Only good stuff is available and the temptation isn't there. Diet and behavior are closely linked.

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    it is really just up to you. If you want further testing/ assessing even blood tests, allergy tests, you will have to follow up until you are satisfied with an answer. Some time children will act up, because of pain or just being unwell, so perhaps removing the tonsils will give some improvement. I would not wait around and just see what happens, I would become a bit proactive, and keep looking until you get some answers. It could be something simple, as a diet problem, or it could be just about anything. Marie.

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    Thank you all for your replies, we have of late removed junk, I certainly don't give lollies, chocolate and chips etc.. on a daily or weekly basis, we do have things like Tiny Teddies, Mini Wafers, but mainly fruit or yoghurt is for snacks. I struggle to get her to eat any meat, yet she is happy to eat vegies for dinner so long as it's just pieces of potato and fresh salad. It's not so much that what she eats is terribly bad (I don't give them soft drinks or anything like that). It's more the amounts she has, could diabete's interfer with behavior? I might go back to the doctor and just see if there is any testing we can get done and I'll try the probiotics and the fish oil, although I have had her on a kids multivitamin in the near past.

    Hopefully we get some answers soon

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    I'd be inclined to take out the tiny teddies etc too - she could be reacting to colours/preservatives/additives in the packaged food...

    We've recently gone additive free with my DS, & it's made the world of difference!!

    It could also be as a result of things like salicylates or amines in foods, or other food intolerances (gluten, dairy, fructose). - it may help getting referred to a dietician or nutritionist?

    Good luck

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    Just wondering whether there is a bit of "middle child syndrome", too? Do you / are you each able to spend a bit of one-on-one time with her each day?

    Sometimes there is a fine line between actual autistic behavior and antisocial behaviour associated with low self esteem. Apparently the best cure for low self esteem is for the child to feel that their parents want to spend time with them.

    My E, who had speech issues, was exhibiting very poor behaviour at that age. We tried to spend time with him as a positive, as well as consistently and calmly addressing his antisocial behaviours. He is doing quite well now, though he still has some social issues at school.

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    I doubt its strongly related to diet personally, though it never hurts to improve the food in the house either. I think its very likely to be related to poor sleep. Kids NEED sleep. It makes a huge difference, and children with sleep apnea from enlarged tonsils are getting very disturbed sleep, a lack of deep sleep and waking up tired. also, it could just be part of who she is right now, and you may find as she grows and develops as a person, many of her characteristics will be both challenging and a blessing. It doesn't sound like adhd or autism to me from what you descibed, at least not in a "typical" way. Many kids around that age do struggle with their parents over things like food, what to wear, where to go, what to do etc.. Its sometimes a matter of picking your battles I think. good luck

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