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  1. #11
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    My family are no longer around just me and my kids. I have asked him too but then I dont know what he thinks but he just doesn't. I cant honestly afford as im studying and not working but I guess I dont have any other choice but to find full time work and do that instead for now.

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  2. #12
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi tahlsandbubs, Im a little confused, you are only 22, you have two children and number three is on the way? just trying to assess your signature?? the man you are with is the father of all three bubs? and he is happy to have fathered this new one. He doesn't want you in his life, but he is still living with you. He is flirting with new girlfriends, and playing free and easy, while he is controlling who you even speak with?? Are you parents anywhere near you? You need to get away from him, and get on with your life. Don't give up the plans for study, you can come back to it, but for now you need to get sorted. Plenty of women have managed to raise children on their own, and Im sure you will be fine. But you need to make some changes and quickly. Good luck, Marie.

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  4. #13
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    I agree with the above. His behaviour is abusive. How can he want you to stay and flirt with other women while you carry his child that he is 'thrilled about'??

    Most importantly how do you feel? What do you want?? You said you don't want to go back, but you haven't left yet. He's not going to move- that seems pretty obvious.

    I am a single mother of 5 and I can tell you that you definitely can leave and be better than ok! Living in oppression like that is a miserable existence. It's all your choice- just know that if you wait around for him to leave it's more like deciding to stay because it's highly unlikely.

    If you are in Sydney Diamond Pregnancy Support (-link below) can help you to move out and advocate for you. They can help with counselling, study, and baby stuff too. The women there are so warm and encouraging. There is help available to you if you want it

    http://diamondpregnancysupport.com/

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  6. #14
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    I cant for the life of me remember how to change my signature. Im 24 now. I spoke to him today about moving. Told him if he doesn't leave me alone I am leaving. He then told me that he planned to stay until bubs is at LEAST 6 months old... not something I want. He called cps on me for being unstable last week as I wouldn't sit down and talk to him so now I have them coming for a home visit tomorrow. Not something I needed. I have a beautiful home and my children get everything they need and are well looked after. He told them a whole bunch of lies that I now have to clarify and it's bull****. If I dont do what he wants. It gets nasty.

    I am looking at getting the bond scheme loan or maybe approved for NARS as I cant afford 300 a week in rent on just centrelink.


    On a good note though I have 3 job interviews this week so hopefully something comes from them.

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  7. #15
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    Sounds to me like he's just playing you for a fool knowing you are vulnerable & cornered. it sounds odd that he's excited you are pregnant but doesn't want anyone to know? What's he hiding it for?

    As hard as it will be I agree that study may need to go on hold whilst you get your life in order. Get your own place, remove him from your Facebook so you don't see what he's doing & work out where you want to go from here.

    I think by having a plan in place with clear boundaries will help you feel more equipped. It's going to be hard at first but you have the strength to do it. Just don't cave or do anything you don't want to do because of him.

    Remember you aren't alone - you have two beautiful children & a new baby on the way counting on you

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  9. #16
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    Thanks lilcritter. Yeah I think its more of a way to control me. Ive told everyone. He says his dad asked for it to be quiet and his mother wanted a paternity test done. He is more than welcome to one but I never slept around.

    I have a house I am looking at in 2 weeks. Before we found out I was pregnant we were breaking lease and everything. Then he put a hold on it all.

    Fingers crossed for these interviews. I desperately need it

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  11. #17
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    Um...please leave ASAP. He is directly ignoring your wishes and stated that he is going to continue to ignore them. He is manipulating you to force your compliance by trying to have your children removed from your care. And so on. This is a very slippery slope. I'm not sure where you are but I'm sure there are shelters in your state that you can go to. Does he work? Can you pack some stuff secretly when he's out so then one day you and your children can leave while he's at work?

    There will be support for you out there. Hopefully someone can provide some links or phone numbers.

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  13. #18
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    He's emotionally abusing you.

    You are worth more than this.

    Your children deserve better than to think this is normal.

    Get out now and go somewhere safe.

    Good luck x

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  15. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisas854 View Post
    I'm confused, it says you don't want to be a single mum of 3..... so you already have 2 right? What difference will 1 more make?
    Sorry, I don't get it.
    I think it makes a huge difference. Especially if you are young and have them close together. Three children require more can than two children. I'm not sure where your confusion is, it is mathematics.

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    OP, this does not sound like a healthy relationship to be in. It sounds pretty concerning.

    I agree with PP's he sounds like he is controlling and emotionally abusive. If you guys were planning to split before this pregnancy, I don't think having another baby will fix the problems that were already there. But you sound like you know all this, it is your ex that seems to be missing the point.

    Have you spoken to your hospital or GP regarding this pregnancy yet? Do you feel comfortable speaking with them about your current situation? They will have lots of information and contacts who can help you find your feet and plan your future.

    Don't give up on your study or your future. I personally know heaps of wonderful single mums who have studied, furthered their careers and supported their children with little help from family. It is totally possible. There are heaps of schemes and scholarships that you may be able to access as well as government assistance that will help you achieve your dreams.

    You will also find heaps of strong, successful and supportive single parents on BH and other similar sites. One thing I have noticed on here is that people genuinely care about each other and are happy to give advice and just be a shoulder to cry on. We are all real people, even if it is just words on a screen.

    Good luck and please take care of yourself. It is so important for you to be safe and happy for your kids, and your own wellbeing.


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