+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    210
    Thanks
    238
    Thanked
    106
    Reviews
    0

    Angry how do you manage your own temper during a toddler tantrum?

    Hi there,

    I'm looking for some constructive advice. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. The 3 year old and I have a very intense relationship. He seems to need to be physically close to me. When he was a baby he often wouldn't go to anyone else, had difficulty getting to sleep and he seemed generally fussy. He had reflux so I spent hours with him in a baby sling when he was little! Now he's 3 he still seems to need a lot of physical contact, whether it's climbing on me, wrestling or just sitting on my lap. Before he as born I used to joke I needed a lot of personal space, so it's been a tough adjustment to have someone with me so much.

    Now here's my issue. Now when he was tantrums he lashes out at me. Kicking, hitting, throwing himself at me and screaming in my face when I try to get on his level to talk to him. Sometimes I find myself getting so frustrated with him that I have been physical with him. By that I mean restraining his arms or legs and trying to pin him down. Definitely no hitting! But by then I'm so flustered and angry I often yell back at him. It's not what I want to do, and I know it's only escalating the tantrum. I'm trying so hard to be calm when he starts up. I don't want this to continue as he gets older. I don't want this to be how we interact. I need some constructive advice about what I can do to break this pattern of physical behaviour. How do I manage my temper when he's having a tantrum?
    Last edited by Happy Camper; 13-01-2014 at 20:55.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Take your mummy hat off and put your business hat on. You are the manager of a business looking after kids. And in your head you know that yelling etc doesn't do any good. If you were looking after someone else's kid you would do the textbook approach.

    - sorry that's crappy advice, but it's all I have for now!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,666
    Thanks
    1,426
    Thanked
    1,431
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    This is all new to me aswell, as my DS1 (2yrs) is generally very well behaved. However he's just started being a little naughty from time to time, it catches me off guard and I've raised my voice a few times. My Mum spent our childhood yelling so I don't want to do that.

    So far I've decided to walk away.....I go in to my room and close the door. He gets upset with me leaving and generally stops the tantrum pretty quick (although often cries instead).

    So I'll be keen to hear other advice too.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    2,437
    Thanks
    660
    Thanked
    311
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I give myself a time out; walk away go to my room and just take a minute then I go back out and bring him close and cuddle him and shush him
    Have you tried 123 magic? Its helped me a lot

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to PinkPopsicle For This Useful Post:

    RipperRita  (13-01-2014)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,694
    Thanks
    1,185
    Thanked
    3,209
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Subbing, could have written the original post. I have got the 123 magic book, now to read it.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I distract him usually, ignore and walk away. It's hard blardy with tbh! I find distraction the best though in terms if deescalating. I've also found his currency, if you don't then you can't eg: ic you don't stop and get dressed then you can't go outside - let's choose which shorts you'd like to wear.,,

  8. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    1,657
    Thanks
    602
    Thanked
    599
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Subbing. I too get fired up quickly and respond with a yell. Just turned 4yo DD has said a few times "use your happy voice mummy and I'll be good" eeeek
    ....Off to google 123magic

  9. #8
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Sorry just realised my post was pretty irrelevant , the best way I manage myself is to manage him better , I've found I wasn't listening very well so listening more and avoiding the tamtrum. He still has about 100 every day do trying to minimise through distraction and not getting drawn into a battle with him.

  10. #9
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    7,878
    Thanks
    3,397
    Thanked
    5,160
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    When DS1 was a toddler and was angry/upset I used to get very quiet. I would practically whisper he would yell and scream and I would keep whispering. It didn't take long and he would either stop and say I can't hear you or he would come close and try to hear what I was saying. Often I was just whispering nonsense or a nursery rhyme which would make him laugh - it was the break we needed.

    Then we could talk about what he did and go from there. Don't know if it would work with all kids but it was non confrontational and stopped the tantrum.

    Best of luck it's tough.
    Thanks! I'm trying this,

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to babyla For This Useful Post:

    btmacxxx  (13-01-2014)

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,234
    Thanks
    652
    Thanked
    892
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    The few times that I've genuinely been close to throttling my ds, I put him in his room- not as punishment but as time out for me. I go to my room, have a cry if needed and return to him.

    I ask him to calm down, stop crying and then ask him why is mum angry at him, and then we go from there.

    For 'normal' bad behavior, I give him a 1,2,3 approach, or a time out in the corner.

    I also explain that mum is sad, so that they learn empathy along the way.
    HTH.

    Ps if u are going to put him in his room at any time whilst he's having a tantrum, move out all the toys so that he can't lash and make a mess.
    Last edited by misho; 13-01-2014 at 21:34.


 

Similar Threads

  1. How would you handle this - 4yo tantrum
    By CountryGirl77 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 01-10-2013, 17:14
  2. Toddler Tantrum/Meltdown - What to do?
    By Sanchia in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 29-07-2013, 14:37

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Tribalance
TriBalance is a physio, yoga & pilates studio in Brisbane's inner north, offering specialised women's health physiotherapy services. Weekly pregnancy yoga classes are scheduled at the studio on Thursdays 1- 2pm and Saturdays 1-2:15pm.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!