+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 6 FirstFirst ... 3456 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 54
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I have a different surname from my kid and haven't had any problems with doctors...swimming lessons, daycare, etc etc... It's been no hassle....
    Good for you!

    my son tells me he's not *really* my family because we have different surnames. He belongs to his dad's family apparently, who he is lucky to see maybe twelve times a year.

    in this case it's difficult to tell how the relationship will turn out so "just give him/her dad's surname" because it's a tradition people don't question doesn't cut it for me.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    CassJ  (12-01-2014),Stiflers Mom  (12-01-2014)

  3. #42
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    856
    Thanks
    51
    Thanked
    236
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I have a different surname from my kid and haven't had any problems with doctors...swimming lessons, daycare, etc etc... It's been no hassle....
    Not a huge hassles, but the OP is looking for deciding factors and it is easier if you are the one doing most of the registering.

  4. #43
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Newcastle
    Posts
    653
    Thanks
    817
    Thanked
    217
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I see what your saying.. Here's my 2 cents.

    You've been together for YEARS and are having a baby. Why won't he marry you? If you were to separate you'd be given the same legal rights as if you were married anyway!

    If he is committed to you and building a family together it should only be a natural progression to get married. If his ex wife is refusing divorce, that's one thing, but for him to refuse to marry you, based on what some other lady did.. I don't like it. Sounds to me like he's not ready to commit to a life with you as his partner. And if that's the case, then he has no right to get upset if you give baby your last name until he is ready.

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Mummy Potato For This Useful Post:

    Arlais  (12-01-2014),CassJ  (12-01-2014),River Song  (12-01-2014)

  6. #44
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by beancounter View Post
    Not a huge hassles, but the OP is looking for deciding factors and it is easier if you are the one doing most of the registering.
    And I'm just saying that with having a different surname I haven't found registering hard.

  7. #45
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Good for you!

    my son tells me he's not *really* my family because we have different surnames. He belongs to his dad's family apparently, who he is lucky to see maybe twelve times a year.

    in this case it's difficult to tell how the relationship will turn out so "just give him/her dad's surname" because it's a tradition people don't question doesn't cut it for me.
    Sorry about that, it sounds like your son may have other issues at play? And sorry for jumping to conclusions but surely they can't all be related to his surname.

    Telling someone to not give a kid their dads name because it may not work out is the same thing and doesn't cut it for me either.
    - I know something's can't be predicted ... but surely doing some research into the character of your partner before having a kid with them would be a good thing. If someone is umming and Arring about giving a baby the daddy's name because the daddy hasn't married them yet... Perhaps that's a conversation one should have had with oneself before falling pregnant.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    Arlais  (12-01-2014)

  9. #46
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Sorry about that, it sounds like your son may have other issues at play? And sorry for jumping to conclusions but surely they can't all be related to his surname.

    Telling someone to not give a kid their dads name because it may not work out is the same thing and doesn't cut it for me either.
    - I know something's can't be predicted ... but surely doing some research into the character of your partner before having a kid with them would be a good thing. If someone is umming and Arring about giving a baby the daddy's name because the daddy hasn't married them yet... Perhaps that's a conversation one should have had with oneself before falling pregnant.
    No issues at all, he has learned about 'family names' and if you have the same surname as somebody you're "their family". Zilch issues thanks Dr Phil.

    I think there needs to be a mature discussion - NOT simply giving the child one surname without any thought because 'it's tradition' nor just because the other is more convenient.

    As for your last sentence she is pregnant - moot point.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Benji For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (12-01-2014)

  11. #47
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    8
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0

    Default definitely committed

    Reading my first post again I can see why i give that impression. I really am happy. He's my world. He makes me so happy. I love his kids and our life we've built and i can't see myself with anyone else.
    Him on the other hand, i worry often that he might one day want something else that i can't offer him, being married once before any not finding what he wanted in that. He says he's happy, but, surely he was happy in his previous relationship at one stage too? I know i can't go through life thinking of the "what if's" and being so negative and i'm working on that.
    And as for the whole marriage thing, i'm younger then him (by 9 years) and when we first started seeing each other i was reluctant to start a relationship with him as i was in my early 20's and told him i wanted to get married and have kids one day and was hesitant to be with someone who's already done all that in fear that they might not want that again. He assured me that wasn't the case with him, and that he wanted those things too. 6 years later he tells me that he 'd changed and doesn't really like societys concept of marriage anymore and doesn't want that. I'm confused, but ok with this. But then my concern is that he wants the relationship but not the legal commitment, and that makes me think that if he can change his mind about that, perhaps he can change his mind about the relationship too one day? Anyway, thats a whole other issue.

    ....I still haven't talked to him about this. I know i have to. I know it will ease a lot of things going on in my head, and help to make a decision on this, i just don't know how to approach the topic yet. I'm working on it though, just need the right time.....god i wish i could drink, lol (don't worry i'm not that silly)

    I don't mind that he doesn't want to get married, i can deal with that and i'm sure we can be happy without that legal title.
    I just don't want to forever feel like the outsider of the relationship, the odd one out who has the different surname to him, his kids, and now our child too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    OP, are you in a truly committed relationship? No issues, wonderfully happy to be having this child together?

    To me, and I could have read it wrong, I get the sense you aren't entirely happy with your current arrangement and the fact he doesn't want to get married. If this is true then it would explain your reluctance & I would agree, give bub your surname.

  12. #48
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    8
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    Not at all....I'm so bad at putting this into words properly. I definitely don't want to pressure him into marriage, that's not my intention. I would never want to marry someone who doesn't want that too. When we first started seeing each other (6+ years ago) i was in my early 20's, he was in his early 30's and i was reluctant to start something with someone who had already done the marriage and kids thing as i still wanted those things. He assured me he still wanted those things too. But nearly 7 years later he doesn't feel the same way anymore. He wants the relationship, he says he's very happy, he wants the baby, but he doesn't want to get married again. So now i worry that this could mean he doesn't want to commit in case it ever goes pear shaped and we don't work out. And if that happens (but i don't think it will, not if he really is happy like he says he is) then i don't want to have regrets about having a different surname to our child, especially when she gets to school age with enrolments, school photos, reports etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Perhaps my wording wasn't polished.... apologies. All I meant by it is that the OP appears to be using 'the' babies name as some sort of leverage to get a marriage proposal. Not cool.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Roni83 For This Useful Post:

    VicPark  (14-01-2014)

  14. #49
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,321
    Thanks
    1,552
    Thanked
    2,537
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I'm married, I have kept my surname even though DH wanted me to take his and DS has his fathers surname.

    I thought about it long and hard and believed I would be uncomfortable with no having the same surname than my son.

    But now that DS is here and a reality, I don't mind at all. At the end of the day it is just a name

  15. #50
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    1,648
    Thanks
    558
    Thanked
    428
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I know I'm the odd one out in talks like this but Dh took my name and ds1 had a hyphenated name as I didn't have the option of talking to Dh about it first. We were separated when I was 27 weeks until ds was 3.
    It was a big deal that ds have my name for a lot of reasons but I wanted him to gave dhs to.
    Now I am getting it changed to the family name as it is what we all have. He is nearly 7 and wants it.
    You will know what is right when you're holding your Bub and saying their name. Then you can fill out the forms. No hurry and plenty of time to talk to your partner.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

Similar Threads

  1. If you could choose a new surname
    By Melei in forum General Chat
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 10-09-2013, 12:01
  2. Replies: 83
    Last Post: 14-08-2013, 22:36
  3. Madison ....with son surname too much son?
    By Plan2bamummy in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 06-02-2013, 18:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
The Fix Program Sydney CBD and Broadway
Pregnancy and women's health physio, pregnancy and new mum Pilates classes taught by our physios for you and bub. Pregnancy back and pelvic pain. Also, we treat postnatal and women of all ages. Incontinence, prolapse, sexual and pelvic pain.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!