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  1. #31
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    OP, are you in a truly committed relationship? No issues, wonderfully happy to be having this child together?

    To me, and I could have read it wrong, I get the sense you aren't entirely happy with your current arrangement and the fact he doesn't want to get married. If this is true then it would explain your reluctance & I would agree, give bub your surname.

    There's no right or wrong answer, you need to do what works best for your little family. However I do believe not giving the baby his surname just because he doesn't want to get married, is not fair. Not everyone wants to be married, especially if they have already been so. Doesn't make them any less committed to their partner or children (assuming your relationship is happy & healthy).

    Also, he doesn't need to worry about the ex changing his children's surname. She can't do that without his consent while he is still actively involved in their lives - no matter what she threatens.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    OP, are you in a truly committed relationship? No issues, wonderfully happy to be having this child together?

    To me, and I could have read it wrong, I get the sense you aren't entirely happy with your current arrangement and the fact he doesn't want to get married. If this is true then it would explain your reluctance & I would agree, give bub your surname.

    There's no right or wrong answer, you need to do what works best for your little family. However I do believe not giving the baby his surname just because he doesn't want to get married, is not fair. Not everyone wants to be married, especially if they have already been so. Doesn't make them any less committed to their partner or children (assuming your relationship is happy & healthy).

    Also, he doesn't need to worry about the ex changing his children's surname. She can't do that without his consent while he is still actively involved in their lives - no matter what she threatens.
    I agree 100%, I would definitely give bubs your surname. You'll never regret that, like you said you can always change it if you do marry him. If you give bubs his name and you seperate you may have regrets.

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    Gah, I know we disagree on most things, but "his babies name"?? It's her baby too and she has to do all the hard work to get it earth side. The whole man deserves to have his name passed down is so 1950s.

    My husband is secure in himself to care wether or not I have his surname.
    Perhaps my wording wasn't polished.... apologies. All I meant by it is that the OP appears to be using 'the' babies name as some sort of leverage to get a marriage proposal. Not cool.

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  6. #34
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    I don't have the same last name as my son. I wanted to hyphenate but while I think that would have been the fairest option for both of us it would have been a really long name. I'm not changing my name when we get married either.

    Does it bother me that he doesn't have the same name as me? Honestly, yes, it does but not as much as it would bother me to watch my little boy trying to learn to spell and write a 15 letter surname. Plus it is my choice not to change my name and it didn't seem fair on my partner to just give the baby my name.

  7. #35
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    I think all couples and/or parents-to-be should have this conversation. It annoys me no end that so many men & women still automatically assume that the woman & children should take the man's surname - why can't he just as easily take hers?

    I kept my name when we married although we toyed with the idea of creating a completely new name. DH didn't want my name (fair enough) and wasn't phased that I didn't want his. When DS1 came along I was happy for him to have DH's surname as it's so much nicer and I kind of felt like I got to carry him for 9 months so the name was DH's gift to him iykwim? For DS2 we planned to give him my surname but I eventually decided against it - every first name we liked just sounded so much better with DH's surname. So it wasn't an ego thing or about "ownership", it just came down to aesthetics really.

    In your situation I would give bub your last name. When (if) you marry & it's important that you all share the same name you can have a discussion about which name to take.

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  9. #36
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    I didn't read it like that at all. I can understand not wanting my child to have a different surname from me (although they all do) . Isn't the internet a funny thing, funny in that one post can be interpreted lots of different ways.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Perhaps my wording wasn't polished.... apologies. All I meant by it is that the OP appears to be using 'the' babies name as some sort of leverage to get a marriage proposal. Not cool.

  10. #37
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    What you should be asking yourself is do you want to be Married to him before bubs is born ....?


    If so then I would discuss this with him .

    If you think that he is not being fair in committing to you by Marriage then you don't have to give bubs his last name...
    What happened to him by his ex isn't your fault and you and your relationship should be treated differently especially in regards to Marriage ....He needs to deal with it and get over it....If he wants to protect himself from hurt again then he should never be in a relationship again...


    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  11. #38
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    If you will be the main parent to take the child to the doctor, swimming lessons, school, soccer etc etc etc (SO many things), then it's much easier for the child to have your name to fill out all the forms and answer all the questions.

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  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by beancounter View Post
    If you will be the main parent to take the child to the doctor, swimming lessons, school, soccer etc etc etc (SO many things), then it's much easier for the child to have your name to fill out all the forms and answer all the questions.
    I have a different surname from my kid and haven't had any problems with doctors...swimming lessons, daycare, etc etc... It's been no hassle....

  14. #40
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    I think society is becoming way to fixated on father's rights, whilst woman become nothing more than the vessels to carry babies.
    What about women's/mother's rights in this instance?
    In the OP's situation, I think giving the baby her last name is the way to go.

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