+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 54
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    1,968
    Thanks
    886
    Thanked
    777
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I double barrelled rather than hyphenated my surname when we got married, just added DH's to the end of mine. I use both names for official purposes, just my maiden name for work, and usually just DH's socially if we're doing something together.

    I had a lot of trouble deciding what to do with DD's name. Initially I thought we'd give her both names, but thinking long and hard about it, keeping my family name wasn't ever about passing it on. I just wasn't ready to give it up entirely, but still wanted to honour my husband by taking his as well. One day I might decide to change over completely, but by DD already having her dad's last name I won't be messing with her personal identity.

    I want DD to have the same name as DH's boys for the sake of family unity, and if she wants to get married in the future I also don't want her to have to figure out what to do with 3 surnames!

    If you are committed enough to your partner to be in a long term relationship and be having a child together, surely you have enough trust that you will stay together for the foreseeable future?? I know some ladies have said they regret their naming decisions as they have since broken up, but obviously at the time they weren't thinking that person would become their ex.


    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    273
    Thanks
    16
    Thanked
    98
    Reviews
    0
    An option is using one of the names as a middle name. E.g. Bob Jones Smith. So it is part of their legal name but they are not referred to the whole shebang on a day to day basis.

  3. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Blackdomino1 For This Useful Post:

    Bubbles10  (12-01-2014),chickenandegg  (31-01-2014),ExcuseMyFrench  (14-01-2014),Starfish30  (11-01-2014)

  4. #23
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    2,732
    Thanks
    1,522
    Thanked
    1,963
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    As an outsider, I'd say give bub your name... but it's really got to be up to you two.

    My partner and I aren't married. We're engaged, but no plans for a wedding any time soon... I probably won't change my name either. I wanted to have the same name as my daughter, and my partner left it entirely up to me. He has his mum's name, his mum's other daughter has her dad's name, and his dad's other daughters have hyphenated names. In the end we gave DD my partner's name, simply because it sounded so much better with her first name.

    I do think it's worth discussing openly with him, and seeing whether the two of you can come to an arrangement you're both happy with. Good luck!

  5. #24
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,997
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,895
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    If it were me, I would use my own surname. You have outlined very sound reasons why you would want to.

    I agree with others that it has to be your decision. I do think, though, that your partner's 'baggage' (sorry, can't think of a better word) re surnames is actually between him and his ex-wife, and isn't a good enough reason to insist on your child together having his surname.

    Will your child be having a close relationship with your partner's other children? Do you want them all to feel like siblings and would them all having the same surname facilitate that? That may impact your decision a little. Would you change your name if you were to get married? You can always change your surname by deed poll without marriage if you feel like your relationship is a forever thing.

    Otherwise, some compromises could be a hyphenated name, or a second middle name, as others have suggested.

    I have a friend whose parents made up her surname so that she, her mother and her father all had different surnames!

  6. #25
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,555
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    559
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    My DH's family surname is hypenated, and at age 32 he changed it legally, dropping the last surname.

    It was a long name and he got sick of explaining himself ie : 'It's Smith HYPHEN Johnstone'.

    You could give your bub your surname and if you marry you can easily change it. It costs $110 and takes only a couple of weeks.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  7. #26
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    2,623
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,159
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think you should stick to your convictions and give the child your surname. If DP decides that marriage is the way for him, then change all of yours to his surname (if you're happy to).

    I don't think it's "conniving" or "manipulative" for you to not take his surname 'legally' if he's not willing to make your relationship 'legal'.

    Just my two cents.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Shrillian For This Useful Post:

    Mummy Potato  (12-01-2014)

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    555
    Thanks
    422
    Thanked
    193
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I choose to give DS1 his dads last name because when we had DS1 me and DH were engaged. So I knew I would be taking his name in time BUT having said that we didn't get married till he was almost 2 and even during that short time it bothered me ALOT that we had different last names.

    So, I say that if your never going to have his name then use your last name because this is your child and your deserve to have the same last name as it.

  10. #28
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    1,510
    Thanks
    396
    Thanked
    701
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My son has DFs surname. Having a different surname has never bothered me though.

    In saying that, because my surname has 'son' on the end, we dropped the 'son' and made the name his middle name. We considered making it his first name, but ended up using it as a middle name. (Think Johnson to John kind of thing).

  11. #29
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    10,012
    Thanks
    14,124
    Thanked
    7,612
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Gah, I know we disagree on most things, but "his babies name"?? It's her baby too and she has to do all the hard work to get it earth side. The whole man deserves to have his name passed down is so 1950s.

    My husband is secure in himself to care wether or not I have his surname.

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Don't do the hyphenated name.. That smacks broken families more than anything..

    I don't mean to be rude but if you are saying you are considering giving bub your name then changing both your surnames to your hubby's if you get married then you are holding it over him like his ex-wife. You are using his babies name as a means to pressure him into marrying you which is not cool. Perhaps you should have ironed this issue out before you decided to have a kid with him?

    Unless daddy was a deadbeat I would give bub his last name. But that's just me. I'm married, kept my own surname and gave bub hubby's surname. Purely for tradition... Whether I like it or not it's still mostly common for bubs to take dads name and for me to deny that would have been a slap in the face to my hubby. We haven't suffered any stigma from it.

  12. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to beebs For This Useful Post:

    Atropos  (11-01-2014),Bubbles10  (12-01-2014),HarvestMoon  (11-01-2014),JungleMum  (11-01-2014)

  13. #30
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    10,012
    Thanks
    14,124
    Thanked
    7,612
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    PS - OP, personally I'd just go for whichever is a cooler surname and which one suits the first name best.


 

Similar Threads

  1. If you could choose a new surname
    By Melei in forum General Chat
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 10-09-2013, 12:01
  2. Replies: 78
    Last Post: 14-08-2013, 22:36
  3. Madison ....with son surname too much son?
    By Plan2bamummy in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 06-02-2013, 18:58

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
ProSwim
ProSwim Rostrevor runs learn to swim classes for children and adults. Lessons are run during the Summer months (Oct-Mar). Our indoor centre at Plympton Park has lessons all year round, including school holidays.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!