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  1. #1
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    Default unplanned!

    Hi All
    OK so DP and I have an almost 4 yo and a 14 month old. He also has an older son from a previous r/ship who is 13. We have JUST found out we are pregnant.. about 5 weeks I think.
    BIG shock! I actually always thought if we fell pregnant with no 3 I would be happy. and I kinda am, but... I am also terrified!
    - labour scares me! do I want to go through the pain again?? Can I elect to have a c section this time round? both my kids were natural so far, well first was induced due to high bp.
    - my PHI doesnt cover pregnancy as this was unplanned LOL.. my OB last time round was CRAZY $$ (like 10K out of pocket) I dont mind who delivers me just as long as my care while pregnant is good.. what are my options?
    - (this is SO selfish I am sorry) I was planning on losing my last 10 kilos this year and getting my boobs done- I am NOT skinny- can I try to lose a little/at least not have a gain while pregnant? I also exercise a lot- so I want to try and keep this up for as long as I can this pregnancy to- this is ok yeah?
    - can I cope with three? I struggle with two at times! I will have a 4 yo and an almost 2 yo when this one is born.
    - my 4 yo and 2 yo will probably have to share a room- would this work?

    FYI, my partner is fine with whatever I chose- i think it might be easier if he felt strongly one way or the other but he said whatever I want to do he will support me. Seems silly to abort the baby when I am in a loving stable family and we would probably afford this baby easily- I work from home so can work up till baby is born then take a few months off and start again.

    Oh GOSH- what do i do???

    TIA xxx

  2. #2
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    - labour scares me! do I want to go through the pain again?? Can I elect to have a c section this time round? both my kids were natural so far, well first was induced due to high bp. You could, but it is tricky to do in the public system, have you thought about an epidural instead?

    - my PHI doesnt cover pregnancy as this was unplanned LOL.. my OB last time round was CRAZY $$ (like 10K out of pocket) I dont mind who delivers me just as long as my care while pregnant is good.. what are my options?
    You could ask your health insurance if you can pay the difference it would of cost you to have OB coverage. You can go with a GP who has obstetric training, a lot of them do shared care with a group of midwives and they will support you through the pregnancy and birth.

    - (this is SO selfish I am sorry) I was planning on losing my last 10 kilos this year and getting my boobs done- I am NOT skinny- can I try to lose a little/at least not have a gain while pregnant? I also exercise a lot- so I want to try and keep this up for as long as I can this pregnancy to- this is ok yeah? Most will rec that you don't loose weight while pregnant but you can keep up your exercise and eat healthy, nothing wrong with that as long as your pregnancy is monitored and bub is growing.


    - can I cope with three? I struggle with two at times! I will have a 4 yo and an almost 2 yo when this one is born.
    - my 4 yo and 2 yo will probably have to share a room- would this work? Sharing a room?
    Yes. How you will cope..only you can guess at that.

    FYI, my partner is fine with whatever I chose- i think it might be easier if he felt strongly one way or the other but he said whatever I want to do he will support me. Seems silly to abort the baby when I am in a loving stable family and we would probably afford this baby easily- I work from home so can work up till baby is born then take a few months off and start again. It's not silly, I have had a termination and I am in a loving stable family with plenty of funds for another child. I just didn't want another. My fiance was leaning towards termination but was ok with me choosing either way.

    Oh GOSH- what do i do??? Take your time, process, write stuff down if you need too, do you have someone you can talk too?

  3. #3
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    Thanks its so hard. Im trying to uncover what my gut is telling me. In some ways I feel like oh god, I dont WANT to deal with another pregnancy and newborn but then.. it could be a girl.. (I have two boys) I will always wonder about it too.. I know for sure that if I have the baby I want my tubes tied once baby is born but Im not sure if I would get them tied down if I wasn't pregnant.. IYKWIM?
    I have asked my mum- she said, you are too old (i will be 33 when baby is born, JUST turned) get rid of it, you wont be able to cope.
    My two girlfriends- one just found out she is pregnant to- she said keep it. It will be her third to- hers was wanted. My other girlfriend said what you have said- weigh it up etc.. she said that if she was in my position she wouldnt have the baby- she knows she is done.

    Headoverfeet- how did you decide?

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    My situation is very different to yours granted but I felt a lot like you when I found out I was pregnant. Totally shocked and no idea what to do. ( I have a post in this section too). I had just lost a few kilos and was getting fit and starting to see results when I found out I was pregnant. The morning sickness saw me lose 2.5 kilos. I'm 21 weeks now and have put them back on plus a kilo but in the scheme of things that's only really 1kg I've put on. I believe that if you aim to put only 12ish kilos for your entire pregnancy then you will only have a couple to lose after the birth I can't tell you how you will cope because I don't know you but I can tell you that I am currently coping with 5 on my own and when this baby is born my youngest will be 2. My other children are school age so that helps a lot. I'm just planning on buying a double pram and a front baby carrier for the new baby so that either way getting around shouldn't be too difficult. I have had mostly girls -4 to be exact. I have had 2 boys but my 1st I lost to SIDS I think I've always leaned towards wanting a boy since then but when I had girls after him I was ok with it. In fact my last child was a girl and she's divine- such a cuddly mumas girl. I wouldn't change a single thing My second youngest is the only boy and this time I'm having a boy and he is thrilled, we all are. My older girls are so excited about it, it's infectious. I guess what I'm saying is that either way it could be wonderful Give yourself some time to get used to the idea and it just may grow on you like it did me. I couldn't be happier now already in love with this new little person. Seeing the baby in scans i had at 10 and 12 weeks really sealed the deal for me. Good luck with whatever you decide
    Last edited by KaraB; 11-01-2014 at 10:48.

  5. #5
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by sneakyone View Post

    Headoverfeet- how did you decide?
    I knew that I would cope with another pregnancy/birth/newborn but I didn't want another child, another person I was responsible for- another little bit of my heart running around outside my body. I couldn't imagine parenting another child with a joyful heart, I knew I would resent having to do things 4x (this would of been my 4th child). I knew I would resent that little bit of extra time I have for myself, my hubby, my other children been taken up by another child. I couldn't picture that 4th child sitting around our table at Christmas, not even as an adult. I felt complete, the idea of a 4th child made me feel like I was being robbed of a little part of myself. It may seem selfish to think of a child this way..but I believe in being a parent by choice, not by circumstance.

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    Hi Sneakyone. Firstly, congrats on your pregnancy - 33 is really not that old! I'm sensing that you're happy to have this bub but are worried about practical considerations.

    My first consideration is what my DH says - and yours seems supportive so that's a bonus. I'm the breadwinner and I worry about the impact on work but you have that covered so you're already ahead!

    So - on the main issues you raised:

    * Weight: I always lose weight during pregnancy cos I do heaps of walking to prepare for labour.

    * Labour: I admit that I always dread labour (and I've had 8!) but my C child was one of my easiest. There are some great suggestions on other threads to help with labour. Seriously - you've already survived twice and it's only one day in the scheme of things

    * Coping: I find that the 2 year age gap is just right for me! However, three children was where I noticed parenting became a bit different - from 2 to 3 was the hardest jump I made (but we had 3 under 2 1/2 years). This wouldn't be such a big jump for you, though, as you've got better gaps. Oh - and there are times when we all feel we don't cope well, regardless of how many kids we have!

    * Ob care costs: Living in a small country town, we only have GP-Ob and midwivery care available and it has nearly always been excellent. I have always been a public patient. My doc feels sorry for me, I think, and bulk-bills me! You shouldn't have to pay huge fees for decent ob care in Australia.

    *Sharing rooms: My kids choose to share!

    Good luck - some of my kids were "planned" and others "happened" and I wouldn't give any back (well - maybe my very planned A child at present, who is going through the 18yo thing!). Give yourself time to adjust
    Last edited by mrsd; 11-01-2014 at 12:14.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to mrsd For This Useful Post:

    KaraB  (11-01-2014)

  8. #7
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    Thank you all! I cried all day thinking about aborting. Granted I don't want to be pregnant.. but I think I want this baby. Dp gave me a card earlier inside was written "my beautiful (my name) I would really love to add to our beautiful family. Hope this helps you make up your mind"

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sneakyone For This Useful Post:

    KaraB  (11-01-2014),lovebeingamum!  (12-01-2014),mrsd  (11-01-2014)

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    Awww your partner is gorgeous!! That's so beautiful )

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    mrsd  (11-01-2014),NewMrs  (12-01-2014)

  12. #9
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by sneakyone View Post
    Thank you all! I cried all day thinking about aborting. Granted I don't want to be pregnant.. but I think I want this baby. Dp gave me a card earlier inside was written "my beautiful (my name) I would really love to add to our beautiful family. Hope this helps you make up your mind"

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Hey OP how are you feeling today?


 

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