@Green Cheese, hope you're doing OK! I understand how you feel. I felt really out of sorts and upset earlier this year when our little bub would have been due. It was especially hard as friends of ours had their baby just a couple of weeks before. So there was joy for them but very much tainted by our own loss.
Mid-August is the anniversary of the miscarriage and I think I will probably struggle, even though at that point it will only be a month until this bubba is born. I still think about it all the time. It was something incredibly difficult to go through. I learned a lot about myself and realised that I needed to make some changes so that I had a bit more balance. The real positive that I can take away from it, and often the only thing that allows me to keep it together, is that the miscarriage brought a closeness in my relationship with DH that I never thought possible. He has been so protective of me and sensitive to my needs ever since and for that I am grateful. Although obviously I wish the circumstances had been very different.
I don't think anyone could possibly understand the emotional roller coaster of having a miscarriage unless they'd been through it themselves. It seems so unfair that it robs us of the joy of pregnancy. I never really imagined how much of an impact it would have until I started living it.
I've still got awhile until bubba is here (EDD 22 Sept) with us and, like you, I don't want to will the time away or have a premmie baby, but I would very much like it for him to be here, safe and sound.