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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackdomino1 View Post
    I don't have an ex so this is a serious question. I know the divorce rate is like 50% and relationships sometimes just have a natural expiry date. But why would you have children with someone that is as awful as many people's exes seem? Do they all just change dramatically?
    They take a while to become awful.. Mine started out great, but after kids when the focus wasn't 100% on them and they had to grow up a bit, they seem to realise they would rather stay a big man-baby and act like a contolling pig.
    I used to think the same before it happened to me..

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  3. #12
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    Blackdomino, some times I wonder the same thing. Although it's more about if I broke up with my DH, I know he would be extremely accommodating and we could definitely work as a team...but this is because he is a good person and I could never imagine breaking up with him.
    I guess there are two sides of the story and it's not always the dad that's the problem. Perhaps the bitterness and resentment towards each other over years builds up. There is a lot of history and although the kids come as part of the good history, the bad history can often take over.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    I would have said the same thing about DS1's dad 6 months before we split.
    As would I I'm afraid the issue I find personally lies a little in when they have another woman in their lives wanting her say on things too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    In my mind it is like for 11 years he was one person and overnight he became someone else.
    Sorry that he was such a two-faced shizen

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    Quote Originally Posted by oozzle View Post
    That's great that you can remain friends with your ex, I can get along ok with mr12s dad, but it's only if I agree with everything he wants, we both went to our sons Year 6 Farewell together with no dramas, as I said he's a sook though..

    I wish my other ex could vanish.. Really do!
    I'm the same with DS4's dad. We get along as everything is his way. Otherwise apparently Im a selfish mother if I dare not agree on something lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackdomino1 View Post
    I don't have an ex so this is a serious question. I know the divorce rate is like 50% and relationships sometimes just have a natural expiry date. But why would you have children with someone that is as awful as many people's exes seem? Do they all just change dramatically?
    Well, for me I started dating DS's dad (less than a month after I split up with my previous boyfriend, I guess DS's dad was just a rebound?) when we were 19. We both lived at our own parents places, me working full time as an admin assistant, him working casual at red rooster, he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life but sleep during the day all day every day since he dropped out of school at 16 (yep, I picked a winner!). I drove and owned my own car, he lived near the city so he didn't even have his L's and had no intention on getting his P's anywhere in the future.

    We were no was near ready to become parents, but I did end up falling pregnant at 21, I chose to keep the baby regardless of whether he was ready to be a father or not. It wasnt the baby's fault that his father was still in the mind set of a 16 year old. Ds's father promised me that he would get his life together by getting a career and his licence. After DS turned 2 I finally gave up on pushing him to grow up and was still waiting on these things he promised me when I found out I was pregnant. I ended up resenting him for not getting his sh!t together, becoming a mother of a toddler and a teenager instead of having a partner. He resented me because I'd be on his back about things. I ended up leaving him due to falling out of love with him. He was the BEST father to our son, even though he wasnt a good provider, I have to give him that. We got along well after we split for a few months. But as soon as I started dating again, it all changed. He became purposely difficult and bitter towards me. We had a private agreement with CS, he decided to stop paying CS as soon as he found out I was seeing someone. He would make sure he worked ridiculous hours so the days he had off would clash with DS's childcare and would demand to have DS on the days he had childcare, so I'd be paying to have him in there for nothing, just to keep a spot open. Wehn he does has DS he still goes out and get his mummy and daddy to look after DS (he lives with them). He gets his mum and dad to drive him and DS everywhere, so he can only pick DS up when it suits his parents, even though he can catch public transport and get him himself, yet whines it's too far away!. He claims he cant afford to get DS clothes for his size when he grows out of his old clothes, so DS walks around in clothes two sizes too small. yet he somehow finds the money for when DS comes home with $100 worth of lego each fortnight. It's just like talking to a brick wall with him now, most of our communication is just me agreeing to his stupid demands to shut him up. Right now I'm dealing with swimming lessons and which primary school DS will be going to, as if he has any say in it anyway, he doesnt pay a cent towards DS and probably never will, so he forfeits his right to tell me what I can do with DS and where I can take him lol.

    Sorry for the rant but omg **** has hit the fan every month since us splitting up, he always finds something new to sook about and demands outrageous things just because he can't grow up and is too arrogant for his own good. I can't believe
    I once thought he was an ok bloke!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackdomino1 View Post
    I don't have an ex so this is a serious question. I know the divorce rate is like 50% and relationships sometimes just have a natural expiry date. But why would you have children with someone that is as awful as many people's exes seem? Do they all just change dramatically?
    With my first ex we got together very young ( 14 & 16 ) and just grew apart after 8 years together. We still love eachother like brother and sister.
    As for my other ex, well lets just say hindsight is a wonderful thing. He was an emotional abuser which I failed to see until u couldn't see a way out.

    Sent from my LT15i using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blackdomino1 View Post
    I don't have an ex so this is a serious question. I know the divorce rate is like 50% and relationships sometimes just have a natural expiry date. But why would you have children with someone that is as awful as many people's exes seem? Do they all just change dramatically?
    I used to wonder this too. The thing is, well, IMO, it's not necessarily that one person suddenly becomes a giant jerk. It's also about how couples react to a stressful incident (having a newborn can add huge stress to a relationship) when they may not have been through any stress together before, whether or not they are good communicators, how much they agree on parenting decisions, whether they honour agreements that they made (like learning to drive as the PP stated), the extent to which external factors (family, money, work) impacts on a person's wellbeing etc etc.

    Also, someone's faults can become more stark when kids are in the spectrum. So, for example, for me, it was just something I knew and accepted about my husband that he sleeps a lot (like, A LOT!). It didn't matter to me so much before I had a newborn and was getting by on three or four broken hours sleep a night while he still insisted on his 12 hours, then an hour or two 'relaxing and alone' time before he would help to look after his son. That's something I either couldn't have predicted or hadn't really thought about before becoming pregnant. Then you add tiredness, stress and poor communication to the mix and you have an untenable situation where we both didn't show the best sides of ourselves.

    I know there are some true out-and-out jerks out there, but I don't think most people knowingly bring children into a relationship that is going to turn nasty or break down...

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