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  1. #1
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    Default Vasectomy Emotions

    So hubby and I have been tossing up the whole vasectomy thing for a while now, we had also been tossing up a 4th bub, but due to my health I don't think it's going to be an option. I'm a maternal person and I either wanted it to be ok yep we'll have another and if not then time to pack up shop. I need closure to fully get over it and move on with life, I feel I'm half way there anyways it's just the doing of it part.

    Is this a normal way to feel prior to hubby getting this done? I'm not the sort of person who could keep it undone for years "just incase" once we're done, that's it, like I said I want closure to move forward.

    Honestly think the build up to the idea is worse then the actual thing.

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    I feel the same way - just had our third and 'lucky' for me I had an emergency csection so was able to get my tubes tied while I was in there. very much glad to shut up shop and cannot wait until hubby goes in for the snip.

    I know it's not 100% foolproof but it'll make me feel better if we've done as much as we could. my mind & body couldn't handle another pregnancy

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    TotSnot  (09-01-2014)

  4. #3
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    hi totsnot, we had decided when we were finished with babies, dh would get the snip. It was something we had decided on for years. Yet when the time came, and he actually had the op, I felt like I had lost the control of my body. That sounds strange, but I felt that up to that point, I had the control of the baby making situation, and once the surgery was done, I didn't have that any more. I did have to work through some feelings of remorse, regrets, ?? It did only take a short while, but I remember being surprised by the feelings. Marie.

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  6. #4
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    DH originally had a vasectomy done when he was 25 after his 2nd son was born as it was recommended he and his then wife didn't have any more after genetic counseling.

    When we decided we wanted to have children together he had a vasectomy reversal. Apparently the original snip is a piece of cake compared to getting it undone - so you definitely want to be sure it's what you both want! Obviously I'm aware because of our situation that things can change, but you've just got to go with the choice you feel is right at the time. DH has been very honest and we've discussed that even if we were to break up, he is personally done with having any more children after ours together, so he's very comfortable with having another vasectomy.

    I'm 90% sure this baby will be our only one - DH doesn't want to be an "old dad" and I'm finding pregnancy far more demanding than I thought I would -not to mention the financial cost of IVF we've ended up needing.

    Despite the negatives though there's a small part of me which doubts I'll be happy with one child, so DH and I have agreed to wait until our DD is a year old before he'll get re-snipped. We'll make the decision then if one is enough or to go for one more. Granted it will be more my choice, because DH doesn't want to deny me the chance to have 2 children of my own, whereas he's happy with just the one together. He does draw the line at a max of 2 though, which I'm fine with!

    I would say to give yourselves a definite deadline to make the decision by - it could be the age of your current youngest child, or another milestone of your choice. Make it far enough away that you've both got time to be absolutely sure what you want, but close enough that making a decision is a priority.


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  7. #5
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    Thanks for both of your responses.
    I had the option to have a tubal done during my last c-section but decided not to because of the increased risks and felt that it was fair hubby did something after I've done all my bit lol.

    I think it has been more dealing and accepting that there will be no more children. I also had held onto the idea that I would have 4 so I think it has been much harder to get over aswell.

    I feel confident that we are making the right decision for our family by getting this done, we are financially in a wonderful place, we're building a new house so the kids will have their own rooms, having another means that would change again and I really don't want to do that.
    We'd like to get private health, take holidays, pay for sports or activities.
    We would be compromising all of that having another one.
    We just bought a new car outright and it's a 5 seater, I don't want to sell my car again.

    Anyways so we rang up the vasectomy clinic today to get the price etc.. so it should be happening in the next month, just need to organise a day that hubby can get off work.

    Looking forward to moving forward in life.

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    Dh just got the snip (about a month ago). While i was 100% confident i (we) were done with babies (we have 2), just before his op i did have a couple of days where i was questioning it. I can imagine how hard it is for you as your (maybe) still wanting another bub.
    Im so glad hes had it done as now s3x is so much more relaxed and enjoyable cause theres no fear of pregnancy.
    Dont get me wrong i dont think i will ever get over the fact that ill never be preg again or hold a newborn and every time i see a newborn my uterus starts beating
    I think its very normal for a woman whos had children to feel a bit sad and unsure when it comes time to 'shut up shop'. Its a womans nature to what to near children, its what we're built to do.

    I would be having a serious talk with your DH about what you both want. I get what you mean about 'needing closure'. If you can why shouldnt you. Take the option away and your can start focusing on the rest of your life.

    Since DH had is snip i have to admit i have been alot more focused on the rest of our lives...im not consumed with pregnancy and babies anymore...its great!

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    TotSnot  (10-01-2014)

  10. #7
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    We've been having this discussion. After we had our third child, we decided that if we had a surprise that would be lovely, but if not we were happy also. We however did fall with the surprise and rather quickly. My immune system suppressed the pregnancy and eventually killed it off at 19 weeks - no reason as to why it suddenly started doing this. We are currently on our last pregnancy no matter what and will be getting something done before we ever be intimate again as we know that a surprise without medication will not survive and we won't know it is there until too late.

    Looked into getting tubes done and have so far found vasectomy to be the better option even though it doesn't come without its possible problems either. It just seems the lesser.

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    You sound like you're in a really great place with your family as it is now Totsnot It's always going to be a tough decision as to when you're done having kids, but it really seems like you're happy with the way life is. I don't doubt that another child would be well loved, but I really can't see you regretting not having a 4th.

    You can tell your DH that mine rode home from the docs on his motorcycle, after his original vasectomy took all of 10 mins!


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    TotSnot  (10-01-2014)

  13. #9
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    lol I don't think hubby will be riding home on his bike somehow but I think it's the best choice.

    I am the sort of person who could just keep popping out babies if my body, money and mind allowed it but I think that's where my logic has kicked in and said well that's no realistic, I have to draw the line somewhere and the position we are in now seems like the right time to move forward and take that choice.

    I have a few friends who are seemingly done but can't work themselves up to allow hubby to get the snip but I don't want to be in linger land for years, I like to know where my life's headed.

    I suppose the next thing to look forward to is grandkids right?

    Thanks for everybodies responses, it has been great to put things into perspective and get it out there that it's ok to feel abit nervous, but life can be good and go on even if you do have that little urge pulling on your heart strings. I am blessed with 3 healthy kids and that's something to be thankful for.

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