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  1. #11
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    The hospital in which I bore my first child pushed the bf agenda to a great magnitude whereupon they would wake me up to make me get my boob out and take sleeping baby, wake him up and perform the task to "make sure I was doing it right".

    A 22 year old girl who'd never had kids before calling herself an "international lactation consultant" led the charge. She was very gung ho and also quite clueless. In the end, I said no and she put in a report about me refusing to feed my child.

    It wasn't until my DH stepped in and threatened to take action when the staff backed off.

    A horrible experience. Thank god I had back up.

    I hope the husband sues the pants off of that hospital.

  2. #12
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    Eco Goddess is offline Loving life under the Bodhi tree!
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    Very very upsetting.

    After winding up in hospital on a drip for days with extreme mastitis when my son was 1 week old, I stopped breastfeeding. I worked with a lactation consultant for hours who was wonderful and she eventually suggested that it was okay not to feed him, that no matter what she tried it was just not working .Half an hour later another midwife came in to ask me about feeding, when I told her what we had decided she shook her head at me, muttered something and walked out. I was a mess.

    Fast forward 3 years and I again had massive trouble feeding DD. The midwife came to the house on day 3 and I was an absolute sobbing mess. She recognized this and "gave me permission" to stop torturing myself and feed her ebm, which I did for a few months. Having someone say "it's okay, you do what you need to do" saved me from what I am sure was an inevitable downhill slide into depression.

    Yes - breast is best, but pushing it at the detriment to the person who is providing round the clock care to this fragile little being... So not ok!

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    I have read this article and I think there is a lot more to this story than the husband is leading on.

    I think it is unfair for him to blame the hospital. This woman was obviously suffering severe pnd and he had a responsibility as her husband to get her the treatment she needed.

    I often hear about women with pnd holding it together and acting like everything is perfect. The hospital may not have realised the severity of her mental state. Yes, they should have asked and yes, they probably should have picked up on the signs. But if it was in the family why didn't her husband raise this earlier? Why wasn't it brought to the attention of the hospital? Why didn't he step in and demand that her mental health be assessed?

    This is a truly heart breaking story, but I think the bf component is a small part of a complex story. I think her family and friends failed her.

    If anyone in this forum is feeling this way, please reach out to your family and friends. Please get the support you need.
    If you read the full article you will see that her husband did ask for help a number of times. He did not fail her.

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  6. #14
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    So so sad!!

    I had a horrible time feeding (trying to feed) DD2, after not being able to feed DD1 my DH was quite 'pushy' for me to breastfeed DD2. I was going pretty well for the first week but it was horrifically painful and bub was constantly feeding. I kept going until 4 weeks at which point I decided (against DH) that I would introduce formula as I couldn't continue and by week 6 she was fully formula fed. They were the worst 6 weeks of my life! I cried and cried. No support from DH, actually quite the opposite! I was lucky that I wasn't depressed and I was able to know it was just that I couldn't feed and I was able to stand my ground and say 'no, I've tried long enough and now I'm going to formula'... Had I had PND as well, well who knows!
    It's not the husbands fault but I do wonder did he tell his wife it's ok to give the bub formula?...
    Very sad

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by ciaomamma View Post
    What I really don't understand is how anyone can let a baby go hungry... breast milk or formula milk how can an able adult let a defenseless baby scream and cry for food when we live in a country where options are readily available to feed the hungry baby. It's completely beyond my understanding... as a mother I could not watch my child cry knowing its hungry and loosing weight knowing I could get up and go to a pharmacy or grocery shop or 7/11 and buy formula... because breast is best? nah thanks Id rather my baby not starve.
    Because ff is deemed as evil, poison, not being as good as the bf mum next to you. I 100% agree with you, feed your baby how you want to, but its not that cut and dry.

    we only have to look at this forum and see what comments other mums have said to ff, "bf babies are not as sick, have better skin, are more intelligent than ff babies" etc, etc. I mean really, the child is being fed who cares!!!

    then there's the mums who say "well you could have tried harder", "you can try to re-lactate and try harder", "feed donor milk it should come before ff", "I would never ff, I would only use donor milk".

    Now imagine this poor mum having to hear those comments because those comments are a reality for a ff mum. Now imagine having severe pnd and hearing those comments said over and over to you.

    We need to STOP the bf pressure. That's what's got to happen. it is driving mums to the brink. It's not raising the bf rates by pushing bf agenda, this is a fact. why is that? Because there is to much pressure. What happens when a mum is stressed and pressured to do something, they quit. This is not rocket science.

    and then a mum manages to get over the initial bf hurdles, and the next thing she is pressured is to 100% exclusively bf for 6 months. Too much pressure!! If her baby is hungry at 5 months and bf is not cutting it cos of a hungry baby, let her introduce solids for goodness sake. All this ridiculous pressure of bf, then exclusively bf, it doesn't end, too much pressure!!!

    bf rates are declining, pnd rates are rising - this is no coincidence and I'm bidding my time before studies/evidence conclude there is a link.

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  9. #16
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    I have read this article and I think there is a lot more to this story than the husband is leading on.

    I think it is unfair for him to blame the hospital. This woman was obviously suffering severe pnd and he had a responsibility as her husband to get her the treatment she needed.

    I often hear about women with pnd holding it together and acting like everything is perfect. The hospital may not have realised the severity of her mental state. Yes, they should have asked and yes, they probably should have picked up on the signs. But if it was in the family why didn't her husband raise this earlier? Why wasn't it brought to the attention of the hospital? Why didn't he step in and demand that her mental health be assessed?

    This is a truly heart breaking story, but I think the bf component is a small part of a complex story. I think her family and friends failed her.

    If anyone in this forum is feeling this way, please reach out to your family and friends. Please get the support you need.
    I agree, and while I don't believe that the bf issues outlined were the only factor they played a large role.

    "Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way".
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 08-01-2014 at 07:14.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy RJ View Post
    Because ff is deemed as evil, poison, not being as good as the bf mum next to you. I 100% agree with you, feed your baby how you want to, but its not that cut and dry.

    we only have to look at this forum and see what comments other mums have said to ff, "bf babies are not as sick, have better skin, are more intelligent than ff babies" etc, etc. I mean really, the child is being fed who cares!!!

    then there's the mums who say "well you could have tried harder", "you can try to re-lactate and try harder", "feed donor milk it should come before ff", "I would never ff, I would only use donor milk".

    Now imagine this poor mum having to hear those comments because those comments are a reality for a ff mum. Now imagine having severe pnd and hearing those comments said over and over to you.

    We need to STOP the bf pressure. That's what's got to happen. it is driving mums to the brink. It's not raising the bf rates by pushing bf agenda, this is a fact. why is that? Because there is to much pressure. What happens when a mum is stressed and pressured to do something, they quit. This is not rocket science.

    and then a mum manages to get over the initial bf hurdles, and the next thing she is pressured is to 100% exclusively bf for 6 months. Too much pressure!! If her baby is hungry at 5 months and bf is not cutting it cos of a hungry baby, let her introduce solids for goodness sake. All this ridiculous pressure of bf, then exclusively bf, it doesn't end, too much pressure!!!

    bf rates are declining, pnd rates are rising - this is no coincidence and I'm bidding my time before studies/evidence conclude there is a link.
    I don't think ff is deemed as evil. I think women who have been unable to bf can be upset and sensitive and read things in a discussion that weren't actually said.

    Sure breastfeeding is promoted as the ideal but that's because it is. It is not winding back on the breast is best campaign that needs to occur. What needs to happen is for education to include the message that "ff is ok too." And for mothers to not judge themselves harshly.

    As for the mum in the story I feel for her little girl and hubby. However it's obvious that she was pre-disposed to depression. Perhaps the hospital could have done more to treat her. Perhaps the hubby could have been more vocal. Perhaps the mum would have been stressed to the max and been at risk regardless of the breastfeeding problems. Regardless, the breast is best message isn't to blame.

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  12. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I don't think ff is deemed as evil. I think women who have been unable to bf can be upset and sensitive and read things in a discussion that weren't actually said.

    Sure breastfeeding is promoted as the ideal but that's because it is. It is not winding back on the breast is best campaign that needs to occur. What needs to happen is for education to include the message that "ff is ok too." And for mothers to not judge themselves harshly.

    As for the mum in the story I feel for her little girl and hubby. However it's obvious that she was pre-disposed to depression. Perhaps the hospital could have done more to treat her. Perhaps the hubby could have been more vocal. Perhaps the mum would have been stressed to the max and been at risk regardless of the breastfeeding problems. Regardless, the breast is best message isn't to blame.
    i guess my point got a bit lost.

    im trying to get across Why isn't the "best is breast" campaign increasing bf rates if its pushed on new mums, and seen as the optimal way of feeding a child? You only have to read that other bf thread from the other week to understand the torment mums are being put through by society, health professionals, friends, family, themselves to understand there is enormous pressure to bf which is having negative impacts on the "breast is best" motto and more importantly negative impact on mums mental health.

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  14. #19
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    I'm sorry, but it says that she ask for help from professionals numerous times and even asked the MCHN nurse that visited her "please don't leave me". What more can someone do than ask for help?

    And how you could possible know that the the BF was a small part of the story?? Really? Are you in touch with the dead? I find it actually ludicrous that you are trying to speculate what she did and didn't feel.

    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    I have read this article and I think there is a lot more to this story than the husband is leading on.

    I think it is unfair for him to blame the hospital. This woman was obviously suffering severe pnd and he had a responsibility as her husband to get her the treatment she needed.

    I often hear about women with pnd holding it together and acting like everything is perfect. The hospital may not have realised the severity of her mental state. Yes, they should have asked and yes, they probably should have picked up on the signs. But if it was in the family why didn't her husband raise this earlier? Why wasn't it brought to the attention of the hospital? Why didn't he step in and demand that her mental health be assessed?

    This is a truly heart breaking story, but I think the bf component is a small part of a complex story. I think her family and friends failed her.

    If anyone in this forum is feeling this way, please reach out to your family and friends. Please get the support you need.

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  16. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy RJ View Post
    Because ff is deemed as evil, poison, not being as good as the bf mum next to you. I 100% agree with you, feed your baby how you want to, but its not that cut and dry.

    we only have to look at this forum and see what comments other mums have said to ff, "bf babies are not as sick, have better skin, are more intelligent than ff babies" etc, etc. I mean really, the child is being fed who cares!!!

    then there's the mums who say "well you could have tried harder", "you can try to re-lactate and try harder", "feed donor milk it should come before ff", "I would never ff, I would only use donor milk".

    Now imagine this poor mum having to hear those comments because those comments are a reality for a ff mum. Now imagine having severe pnd and hearing those comments said over and over to you.

    We need to STOP the bf pressure. That's what's got to happen. it is driving mums to the brink. It's not raising the bf rates by pushing bf agenda, this is a fact. why is that? Because there is to much pressure. What happens when a mum is stressed and pressured to do something, they quit. This is not rocket science.

    and then a mum manages to get over the initial bf hurdles, and the next thing she is pressured is to 100% exclusively bf for 6 months. Too much pressure!! If her baby is hungry at 5 months and bf is not cutting it cos of a hungry baby, let her introduce solids for goodness sake. All this ridiculous pressure of bf, then exclusively bf, it doesn't end, too much pressure!!!

    bf rates are declining, pnd rates are rising - this is no coincidence and I'm bidding my time before studies/evidence conclude there is a link.
    After my my own experiences and also from speaking to other mothers in the mother/baby unit at the PND mental health unit I stayed in, I also have no doubt there is a strong link between the pressures to breastfeed and the sky rocketing PND. It seriously makes me see red when I see militant breastfeeding advocates really pushing BFing to the point of "there is no reason good enough" to not bf, especially when it is done to new mothers that are clearly vulnerable. BFing IS optimal but not at the detriment of a mothers mental health. PND has the potential to be far more damaging than not BFing.

    PND is serious and it is deadly. It kills mothers, babies and devastates families. Something needs to be done..

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