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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mum2b87 View Post
    I'm not a mum yet so don't fully understand how it would feel but I don't understand the notion of waiting for someone to give me permission to feed my baby how I choose too..why wait to be told by a doctor or midwife if it's clearly not working? If you don't tell anyone no one will know how you choose to feed..

    Just today I saw an article claiming there was a link between bf and autism..these so called professionals wouldn't no they're head from their behind
    I can explain this, as it's something I was chatting with my MW about this morning.

    Your view is the logical one. Baby is hungry, can't or don't want to breastfeed so get formula, fed baby is now happy. Voila, simple, easy, happy baby should equate to a happy mum. This is the logical thought process.

    Most new mums don't think with logic though. They're exhausted, hungry, hormonal and fragile. They need help and support for all issues they may face.
    It's not just a case of being given permission, it's letting go of the idea that all these medical professionals are pushing and pushing and pushing breastfeeding so it must be the right option, the breast is best message is everywhere, the "give your baby the best start in life" flyers are everywhere, so when you can't breastfeed, suddenly you look at these flyers and the message and being hounded by the health professionals and in your exhausted, fragile and hormonal state suddenly because you can't breastfeed, your baby is starving and screaming and you can't fix it, there's no real help other than "keep going", there's no health professional telling you that formula is okay, too. So in your mind, you become a sub-par parent, one who doesn't put their babies first, doesn't want the best for them, doesn't care about them having the best start. And no midwife tells them otherwise. They're still encouraged to breastfeed, even if, just to feed the baby (when the midwives informed them their baby was starving), they go to formula. Then there's the feeling of rejection by your own baby, the midwives telling you they'll root around for the breast and latch themselves, so when they don't and they even start screaming just seeling your breast, the feeling of rejection is horrendous.

    There's a lot more than being given permission.

    This is a hormonal, hungry and exhausted new mums logic.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  3. #92
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    That's exactly how I felt Jennaisme. Add to all that the twist of the knife when you finally buy the formula tin and are greeted with disclaimers all over the tin reminding you that breast is best and seek advice from a doctor before using formula. It's a kick in the guts.

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  5. #93
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    This is my favorite article (opinion piece) on the topic of breastfeeding pressure and whether breast is always best. I think the writer is spot on.

    http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar...eeding/307311/

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  7. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I can explain this, as it's something I was chatting with my MW about this morning.

    Your view is the logical one. Baby is hungry, can't or don't want to breastfeed so get formula, fed baby is now happy. Voila, simple, easy, happy baby should equate to a happy mum. This is the logical thought process.

    Most new mums don't think with logic though. They're exhausted, hungry, hormonal and fragile. They need help and support for all issues they may face.
    It's not just a case of being given permission, it's letting go of the idea that all these medical professionals are pushing and pushing and pushing breastfeeding so it must be the right option, the breast is best message is everywhere, the "give your baby the best start in life" flyers are everywhere, so when you can't breastfeed, suddenly you look at these flyers and the message and being hounded by the health professionals and in your exhausted, fragile and hormonal state suddenly because you can't breastfeed, your baby is starving and screaming and you can't fix it, there's no real help other than "keep going", there's no health professional telling you that formula is okay, too. So in your mind, you become a sub-par parent, one who doesn't put their babies first, doesn't want the best for them, doesn't care about them having the best start. And no midwife tells them otherwise. They're still encouraged to breastfeed, even if, just to feed the baby (when the midwives informed them their baby was starving), they go to formula. Then there's the feeling of rejection by your own baby, the midwives telling you they'll root around for the breast and latch themselves, so when they don't and they even start screaming just seeling your breast, the feeling of rejection is horrendous.

    There's a lot more than being given permission.

    This is a hormonal, hungry and exhausted new mums logic.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Here here! Couldn't have said it better myself! add to this a history of PND and you get suicidal mothers.


    Me 31, He 34, DD 21 months, waiting for just 1 more to complete our family.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    You're having a baby. You have nine months (and longer) to get educated on this stuff. Why wait until the baby is born to finally concern yourself with the nitty gritty of feeding your child? Some of it is learn as you go, but there is a heap of information out there on all sides of the fence that you could be aware of before the fact that would make the transition easier.
    Yes I agree we have a multitude of resources at our disposal in this day and age but we (I'm using the broader sense of "we" as I'm sure other mums would agree) do rely on health professionals to also provide us with information that is realistic not fantasy.

    It's all well and good to thrust a brochure at a newly expectant mum stating all the benefits of bf facts (ie healthy for mum/bub) but we need more than that. Majority of parents are wanting to bf so we need to know "how" to bf, problems that DO arise, how to overcome them, that bf will take 6 weeks to establish (I had no idea on this). I think this information is imperative to new mums.

    I was relying on my antenatal classes to provide adequate information, instead we had maybe 30 mins of education on bf. we watched a DVD of attachment of baby to breast but it was so far from reality with the mum bf what looked like a 3 month old baby with nipples 10 inches long and mum placed bub to boob and bub latches straight away. Now walking away from that I'm sure a first time mum think bf is easy, that's how it's done (i know i did). Why not show a video of a newborn struggling to attach and mw helping with varying bf positions to help bub and mum. How about showing a mum unable to attach bub and using shields cos her nipples are inverted or short or whatever.

    THAT is real life bf for many new mums with new babies. we are presented with fantasy and not reality. I now know what I would rather see and be educated on after unsuccessfully bf my first bub.

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  10. #96
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    It strikes a chord with many because many of us felt pressured to continue breastfeeding, when it clearly wasn't working and for some of us we feel that it made our mental health issues worse - well it certainly did in my case. You can say that it isn't the case, but some of us have actually lived through it and we know what it feels like. So for us - the breast feeding part is an important part of her story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    It is the part of the story that gets people indignant because more people have had a breastfeeding experience compared to stories of being ignored, mismanaged or turned away from adequate mental health care. Nothing changes if the major message here - a woman dying because her mental health care wasn't managed correctly- gets lost in a sea of breastfeeding stories.

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  12. #97
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    How sad for that family

    I have no comment except to say that it really grates my cheese when successful breastfeeders comment on how unsuccessful breastfeeders should/shouldn't feel about their bf journey.

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  14. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I can explain this, as it's something I was chatting with my MW about this morning.

    Your view is the logical one. Baby is hungry, can't or don't want to breastfeed so get formula, fed baby is now happy. Voila, simple, easy, happy baby should equate to a happy mum. This is the logical thought process.

    Most new mums don't think with logic though. They're exhausted, hungry, hormonal and fragile. They need help and support for all issues they may face.
    It's not just a case of being given permission, it's letting go of the idea that all these medical professionals are pushing and pushing and pushing breastfeeding so it must be the right option, the breast is best message is everywhere, the "give your baby the best start in life" flyers are everywhere, so when you can't breastfeed, suddenly you look at these flyers and the message and being hounded by the health professionals and in your exhausted, fragile and hormonal state suddenly because you can't breastfeed, your baby is starving and screaming and you can't fix it, there's no real help other than "keep going", there's no health professional telling you that formula is okay, too. So in your mind, you become a sub-par parent, one who doesn't put their babies first, doesn't want the best for them, doesn't care about them having the best start. And no midwife tells them otherwise. They're still encouraged to breastfeed, even if, just to feed the baby (when the midwives informed them their baby was starving), they go to formula. Then there's the feeling of rejection by your own baby, the midwives telling you they'll root around for the breast and latch themselves, so when they don't and they even start screaming just seeling your breast, the feeling of rejection is horrendous.

    There's a lot more than being given permission.

    This is a hormonal, hungry and exhausted new mums logic.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. you are spot on.

    Ordinarily breast is best and I think everyone should at least give it a go. But, for one reason or another it isn't always the right option. I always thought all it took was a bit of persistence and voila! bf was so easy with dd1. Dd2 however was the total opposite. I persisted. I tried everything. I expressed, I tried feeding often, I tried increasing foods that should improve supply but sadly it didn't work. Then I had to choose between taking medication for my own health or to breastfeed and end up in hospital having transfusions. I still feel the guilt/disappointment I couldn't bf longer and I always felt I needed to give an excuse as to why she had formula. Not that many people really questioned me. Those that know me were a bit surprised (not really judgy) I was ff-ing until I told them why.

  15. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    How sad for that family

    I have no comment except to say that it really grates my cheese when successful breastfeeders comment on how unsuccessful breastfeeders should/shouldn't feel about their bf journey.
    I used to be one of them until I had my own issues. Talk about having the shoe on the wrong foot!

  16. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    How sad for that family

    I have no comment except to say that it really grates my cheese when successful breastfeeders comment on how unsuccessful breastfeeders should/shouldn't feel about their bf journey.
    This is how I feel too. Unless your commenting with empathy and understanding, dont you dare tell me how I should or shouldn't feel or what I should or shouldnt have done, unless you have been through the same circumstances as me.

    I feel absolutely no guilt this time for not breastfeeding. But thats because I am in a very strong headspace and I am not feeling any PND or major issues. Was a totally different story the first 2 times!

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