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  1. #11
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    Without being in your situation, it's hard to know exactly how controlling and full on his behaviour is but I've been in a similar position to your husband, worried that a partners drinking may be borderline alcoholism and it scared the hell out if me. To me, it was a serious problem and one that would have certainly been cause to end the relationship because I didn't want all the problems that come with severe alcoholism in my relationship for the rest of my life and I also certainly was not willing to have a family with someone who I believed had a drinking problem.
    It sounds like you've had a tough few years personally and I'm extremely sorry for that but if your hubby is only concerned about your drinking, I'd push you to have a serious chat with him/make a huge effort to cut down your drinking because that could well be the deal breaker of the relationship.
    I don't mean any offence by my post, just wanted to offer the point of view from someone who's been in a similar situation to your DH.

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  3. #12
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    It sounds like you may be resenting him for trying to help you? I'm not sure but from what you have said it sounds like maybe you should speak to a professional & get some guidance on how to move forward.

    I would say the drinking is a bad idea if you are suffering anxiety / dealing with loss. It could easily become a coping mechanism.

  4. #13
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    I think it is nice for you partner to want to help you but he needs to understand that in order for you to cut down on you drinking - YOU need to want to. YOU need to do this and achieve this for yourself or it is never going to work IYKWIM?

    I have an extremely addictive personality and someone trying to actively control me makes me dig my heels in. Ok, yes i am extremely stubborn aswell. But the only things that i have given up or reduced and stuck to my guns about are the things that i chose and did for myself. It is great if he will support you but he needs to realize there is a fine line between support and control sometimes.

    Maybe you could try and explain it to him that way?

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    Last edited by Intrigue; 08-01-2014 at 15:45. Reason: closed

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Intrigue View Post

    DH has now proven to me that being heavy handed with someone trying to overcome an addition is not a very good idea... makes them want it more, like a rebelling teenager.
    This to me says it all.

  7. #16
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    Your DH sounds like he is caring and concerned for your wellbeing.

    From what you have written you sound like you have an alcohol addiction that needs to be addressed and I can certainly see how a blaise attitude to it is impacting your relationship with your DH.

    As for the step son, I think you are expecting too much... stand when uou want a seat etc? yeah nah I dont get it.

    I think you need to sort yourself and the alcohol issues before you can repair what can be perceived as a controlling relationship.

    Best of luck... I have battled (and won) addictions in the past and it is hard work but well worth it

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  8. #17
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    hi intrigue, perhaps you can make a pledge to your dh, in writing, what you are prepared to do with regards your drinking, and your searching for work, and whatever else, so that he can see you are going to take onboard what he wants, and really make the best effort you can. Then you also put a date on it for when the situation can be reviewed. He can then step back and allow you to improve at your own pace. Also , with the step son, do you guys do Family meetings? The issue of respect, and the issue of having a seat in your own house, that is the very best sort of thing to discuss as a family issue. perhaps you have to buy extra furniture? or work out a time table for what shows each one watches.?? marie.


 

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