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    Default The path to an unhealthy relationship?

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    Last edited by Intrigue; 08-01-2014 at 15:41. Reason: closed

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    hi intrigue, re your stepson, Im guessing you have had to start sharing your house and your life with him when you started this relationship with dh. Perhaps he feels a bit 'on the outer' and has some resentment. I would just make an effort to get to know him, and see if you can be friends. As for showing respect, and responding to your discipline, that might take time. Now for the drinking part. How many years have you been with dh, and when did he start trying to control you. ? I wonder if your anxiety issues are a cause, or a result of your drinking?? Do you take any medication for the anxiety? or do you drink to self medicate?? How upset were you with the wine going into the bin? Was it important for him to get you out of bed at 7.30am, or was he just being controlling.?? I can understand why you might feel like a visitor in your own house, but would you really be happier on your own. ? I feel that to a point , yes, you would. Im sorry I have asked so many questions, I feel you have rights since it is your house, but you are choosing to share your house. Marie.

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    Super granny is right. You need to look at why he thinks you have a drinking problem and why you got upset at him for throwing your wine out. I'm going to guess you pulled it out of the bin? Was there a valid reason for him wanting you up at that particular time?

    When I read your post I get a distinct defensive tone to your writing. Almost like you agree with him but don't want to admit there may be a problem. Either way maybe a bit of counselling may be needed for you both.

    As for your step son, I believe super granny is spot on.


    Edit: HE has a step son?

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    I'd be very unhappy with someone throwing my wine bottles in the bin also. You are not a child - he has no right. Plus as jealous as I am to read that you can sleep in until 7:30am I really don't think another adult has the right to dictate your sleeping patterns. I am a person who strongly believes in people being individuals within a relationship and it sounds as though he is trying to be a little controlling. Is there more the the story though?? Are you drinking excessively to the pint that he is concerned for you health or is he try trying to dictate how and when things will happen??

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    Last edited by Intrigue; 08-01-2014 at 15:42. Reason: closed

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    I can sort of see where your DH is at. If my partner was unemployed and drinking a bottle of wine a day I would be worried. I would also probably be wanting to put limits around their alcohol use and not wanting them to stay in bed all day (sure an initial grieving period after job loss but then it would be onward to purposeful daily activity.

    The step son thing sounds annoying I agree with that.

    To be honest it does a bit sound like you have a problem with alcohol rather than your partner is just being a wowzer.

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    Maybe he isn't trying to control you - maybe he's just trying to help you become a better 'you'?

    Seems like you find it easy to dismiss the drinking as 'not a big deal', but when you see someone close to you forming a dependency on something (which it seems you're dependent on wine to relax you), it's a worry.

    If it was just a wine or two at the end of a day and you could easily go without, I don't think it's a big deal. A bottle every night is enough to cause concern.

    The fact that your ex-husband passed away as a result of alcohol abuse has probably rattled your DH even more. Maybe he's scared you'll end up the same way?

    As for the step son, you might just have to start asserting yourself more in the home, rather than just taking it because you don't think it's your place to parent him. Ask your DH to support you in setting some ground rules.

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    Last edited by Intrigue; 08-01-2014 at 15:43. Reason: closed

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    Last edited by Intrigue; 08-01-2014 at 15:43. Reason: closed

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    Quote Originally Posted by Intrigue View Post
    Thanks Degrassi, I think you are right.

    He is making me a better me and I am grateful. My concern I guess is that if I enable him to assist me by controlling my drinking 'on my behalf' then he may form a habit of controlling any and all other aspects meaning that later in life I may be a manipulated old lady.... hmm seems maybe DH and I are both responding to a fear of what might be rather than the reality of today..hmmm
    If you can prove to him that you can do it on your own, without him nagging you, I think you'll feel empowered, not controlled

    Tell him you appreciate his concerns and understand where he is coming from, but that you feel ready to make improvements without him trying to step in and take control. Then stick to your word.


 

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