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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    Strange ideas won't cut it unless they involve neglect and/or abuse. It's a tough system.
    It is ... but that particular aspect also makes sense. Would you really want to empower folks to take children off their parents because they didn't like their ideas?

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by duncan_bayne View Post
    It is ... but that particular aspect also makes sense. Would you really want to empower folks to take children off their parents because they didn't like their ideas?
    That's true but he should at least take part in a parenting course because talking about letting the little guy cry so he doesn't become a 'sook' is worrying.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    That's true but he should at least take part in a parenting course because talking about letting the little guy cry so he doesn't become a 'sook' is worrying.
    I should add that dh grew up in a violent household & believes it didn't do him any harm ( quite clearly it did )

    He is affectionate with dsd but has repeatedly said he won't be like that with his son as he's a boy & will need to toughen up. I think expecting a newborn to cry & not pick him up and have newborn sleep in own room purely so he doesn't become a sook is a bit strange.

    Dh is very this is girls rules & this is boys rules. And I'm sick of it to be honest and whilst he can be hard on my boys ( not his bio kids ) he seems to have some boundaries there, however has been very clear that in his opinion I've sooked my boys & I won't be doing that with his son. To be clear I don't sook any of my kids and I couldn't imagine anyone from my real life who would say I do.

    In all honesty I think he needs some serious help as I wonder if the knowledge that he has a son has brought up some difficult memories for him ( not making excuses just trying to understand )

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    I should add that dh grew up in a violent household & believes it didn't do him any harm ( quite clearly it did )

    He is affectionate with dsd but has repeatedly said he won't be like that with his son as he's a boy & will need to toughen up. I think expecting a newborn to cry & not pick him up and have newborn sleep in own room purely so he doesn't become a sook is a bit strange.

    Dh is very this is girls rules & this is boys rules. And I'm sick of it to be honest and whilst he can be hard on my boys ( not his bio kids ) he seems to have some boundaries there, however has been very clear that in his opinion I've sooked my boys & I won't be doing that with his son. To be clear I don't sook any of my kids and I couldn't imagine anyone from my real life who would say I do.

    In all honesty I think he needs some serious help as I wonder if the knowledge that he has a son has brought up some difficult memories for him ( not making excuses just trying to understand )
    Would he be willing to do a parenting course so you are on the same page parenting the children( not genders) as it does sound he is a product of his upbringing.

    I'm with you 100% I would be very upset to hear his take on raising boys, you should get him to read the book 'raising boys' it's a good book, I reread it many times over the years while I was bringing up my 3 on my own.

    Hope you are taking care of yourself, this is a terrible thing to be going through while pregnant as many of us can testify to unfortunately.

  5. #25
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    I have recently gone through this after breaking up with my XP when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my DD2.

    We barely spoke before DD was born except via email. He had a lot of questions regarding the name, information and plans on how he was going to be a father. I answered them honestly but requested that he not be at the birth and I would advise him when the child was born. I gave him all the information I had about short frequent visits for the non custodial parent and newborns and how to build into longer visits and unsupervised visits.

    DD2 has my surname. He could fight me in court if he wanted but has chosen not to. XP was informed 24 hours after DD2 was born and visited DD2 at home for one hour each day for 6 days before he returned interstate. I always had a support person with me at home when XP was here to ensure everything remained civil and he didn't hang around all day whilst I and DD really needed to bond, breastfeed and sleep.

    He has been back once since August 2013 to see DD for one hour - that is it. You may be surprised how little your XH will be involved especially if he has to make the effort and consider the baby and your needs.

    At this stage, in my situation there is no way XP would be having unsupervised visits with DD. There is no bond between them, he is a stranger to her and even though breastfeeding has stretched out to around 2.5 hours between feeds it can change according to DD's needs/growth spurts etc.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Bearskin For This Useful Post:

    ourbradybunch  (06-01-2014)

  7. #26
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    I have recently gone through this after breaking up with my XP when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my DD2.

    We barely spoke before DD was born except via email. He had a lot of questions regarding the name, information and plans on how he was going to be a father. I answered them honestly but requested that he not be at the birth and I would advise him when the child was born. I gave him all the information I had about short frequent visits for the non custodial parent and newborns and how to build into longer visits and unsupervised visits.

    DD2 has my surname. He could fight me in court if he wanted but has chosen not to. XP was informed 24 hours after DD2 was born and visited DD2 at home for one hour each day for 6 days before he returned interstate. I always had a support person with me at home when XP was here to ensure everything remained civil and he didn't hang around all day whilst I and DD really needed to bond, breastfeed and sleep.

    He has been back once since August 2013 to see DD for one hour - that is it. You may be surprised how little your XH will be involved especially if he has to make the effort and consider the baby and your needs.

    At this stage, in my situation there is no way XP would be having unsupervised visits with DD. There is no bond between them, he is a stranger to her and even though breastfeeding has stretched out to around 2.5 hours between feeds it can change according to DD's needs/growth spurts etc.

  8. #27
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    It's so frustrating to me that anyone be it mother or father continues the cycle of abuse. Dh sisters were idolised by their dad could do no wrong and the boys were belted around for any small wrongdoing, he has nothing to do with his dad due to this but can't see his similarities of behaviour?

  9. #28
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    Keep a record/diary of all the things are happening such as remarks he is making I.e. that he won't pick the baby up when crying. Keep any texts too. Good to look at legal advice now to see where you stand. It would be unlikely for him to get overnight visits for quite awhile. Sorry you are in this position.

  10. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    That's true but he should at least take part in a parenting course because talking about letting the little guy cry so he doesn't become a 'sook' is worrying.
    Definitely.

  11. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stiflers Mom View Post
    These threads always make me feel a bit sick as I went through this with my newborn. I won't say much here but if you want to know how my situation turned out please feel free to PM.
    Stiflers Mom just letting you know your private message quota is full so cannot send a PM to you.


 

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