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  1. #1
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    Default Newly single AGAIN advice needed

    Quick history my now ex partner has an issue with addiction. U name it he does it. I left when my ds1 was 4 month old after coming home from my uncles 50th to find him so stoned he couldn't string a sentence together. I had also found out that week he had gambled over $10K and we were going to need to sell the house. Than gambling I was willing to help with and try to support him to get through but the drugs not to the point of being so stoned when our 4month old was in his care.

    Anyway I left he claimed he was getting help we started spending time together and well stupidly i fell pregnant with ds2.

    He begged me to give him another go saying he would get help and really give it everything to make it work.

    Things were going great for 18months well so I thought.

    He stopped his business 4 moths ago due to 'chronic' pain yet was cleared by the dr of any medical condition and won't seek further help. I understand pain and wasn't going to force him of he said he couldn't.
    I can't work as we decided on another baby and I am now 28weeks. No employer will take me on now. That I get. We had a little in savings and the dr gave him 3 months medical leave. In this time he didn't look for a job at all.

    It's now over 4 months and during this time I found out he gambled $3.5k which we did not have to spare, he started smoking pot again and cigarettes (this is more about not being able to pay bills let along afford these) and drinking every day. So his day would consist of waking around 8-9 playing with the kids for a bit, working on his boat or prepping to go fishing, he would play video games, get stoned and drinking and stay up until 1-2am.

    I felt like I had a 16yo.
    So yesterday after 4 months of this and me slowly losing patience and understanding I woke up to find one of our dogs missing. After getting stoned in the garage NYE he had left everything open! Everything. I went into the bedroom where he was of course still sleeping and told him this. His response was oh well and told me to F off.

    After this I was so angry and explained to him it was the fact that we have a 2yo and 1yo and everything was open they could have woken and gotten out. We have a creek at the end of the street. He ignore me, still make no attempt to move. It was at this point I got so angry and lost it. I picked up a brush and hit him with it. I know I shouldn't have but I was so angry. anyway he just laughed at me said that's assault and calls the police. I left with the boys at this stage. I was so upset that he drove me to that point. The police came and saw me at mums. He wanted a dvo against me but the police didn't give him one. They know I wouldn't normally do it and most certainly won't do it again. I was so upset that i had done it

    It was this though that made me realise its over for good I am never ever going back.

    He has left the house now so I can stay here with the kids. Problem is money.
    Due to his problems etc I have a credit card at $3k (in my name due to his gambling problems) we are $400 fn short on bills alone! Savings only goes so far.
    I get $1000 a fn from centrelink currently for the parenting payment but that will have to change.

    What I was wondering is firstly does anyone have any idea what a single parent with 2 children gets? Or even 3 as I will have another in march. I will only get $2k baby bonus as I haven't worked having 3 kids so close.

    Also has anyone every applied for their subsidised housing. I currently have to pay $400pw week which is cheap for brisbane by still a lot I get $100 rent assistance now as part of that $1000 but $50 a week isn't much.
    How long can it take to get this kind of thing and what are the criteria?

    I can return to work once bub is born but until then I have no idea what I am going to do. Having 3 under 3 will be hard and cost a fortune in day care. I can work nights but that will be exhausting.

    He will want 50/50 time even though he never spent 1/4 of this time with them when we were together but I won't fight him on this. How does this affect payments. I will have bub 100% at first due to bfing so again even though he will have the older ones 50% I still can't return to work.
    He probably won't take them 50/50 but he won't work so he won't have to pay child support.

    And finally has anyone applied for their some of their super on these grounds?

    I feel so lost and so angry i let myself get into this crappy position but it is what it is I need to deal with it and try to move on. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post
    Last edited by BubbleGuppy; 02-01-2014 at 08:07.

  2. #2
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    The only advice I can give you is to get on the phone to c/link and csa today. There is an online calculator you can estimate what you will get but as you are now separated you may aswell call and get the ball rolling.
    As for super, some allow you to use a certain amount for hardship but you have to be on c/link for a min of 6 months. Mine wouldn't allow me to touch mine unless I was dying! Even then after all the paperwork I would have to fill out I probably would be dead by the time I received it. And this was when I was separated, on the pension with five kids!

  3. #3
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    I agree, get on to Centrelink today. If you make contact about your intention to claim you will be back paid to this day.

    I have 2 kids and receive maximum PPS and FTB. I don't receive child support. I get about $1300/fn. Everyones situation and entitlement will vary somewhat though.

    If you think your ex will go for 50/50, maybe get on to legal aid for some advice.


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  4. #4
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    Please don't be fearful of the thought of 50/50. 50/50 is rare and the family law court is erring on the side of caution. A parent who can lose a dog because he was too stoned to shut doors should not be a 50/50 shared parent. Please read this and keep it for future reference as you may need to bluff him with it : http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rc...PiRSAG_lrIlUrw

    Also, did the police make a report and did you tell them why you hit him with the brush? If there is a record of this incident it could work in your favour in the future.
    Last edited by BbBbBh; 02-01-2014 at 17:08.

  5. #5
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    http://www.qld.gov.au/housing/renting/nras/

    Apply for NRAS. We're in Brisbane (North side) in an NRAS and pay $261 a week plus we get rent assistance so it's really only costing $210 a week. It was brand new when we moved in. Just up the street from me are new NRAS town houses going up too.

    ETA: I can PM you the property managers number here if you're interested.

  6. #6
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    Thanks everyone
    Yeah the incident was fully recorded by the police and I have LOTS of photo evidence of all the things he was doing etc. I know the boys love spending time with their dad though and don't want to deny them that. I know he won't be able to afford a place of his own so he may only take them a few hours here and there anyway.

    Thanks for the info on the assisted housing I will have a look into it. I'm actually in the redlands so will need I stay local here for visitations which is fine the less travel time is better for the kids. I will contact them though and see how I go.

    I will ring centrelink tomorrow I'm trying to deal with it but I'm only 28weeks and even today after thinking about it I started getting strong painful Braxton hicks and lower back pain. It's too early for preterm labour so I have to remember to try to remain calm and take it easy. Easier said than done.

    Thanks again every one.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to BubbleGuppy For This Useful Post:

    Lauzy  (02-01-2014)

  8. #7
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    Best of luck!

    Realestate.com.au lists NRAS properties.


 

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