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  1. #31
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    I'm going through this exact situation at the moment too! Last night was hard (new years eve) and I'm sure my friends are suspicious (I refused drinks several times... But I thought that if I accept a glass of wine my friend the host might say "oh so you're not pregnant?" And I'd have to lie)

    I don't mind telling people but DH really doesn't want to, so I respect that. I'd feel bad telling lots of friends while our close family still don't know.

  2. #32
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    Oh and my friend the hostess of the party last night did ask me in front of everyone else, so I had to lie and say no.

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    Maybe just keep a low profile for a few more weeks until after the scan to avoid situations.

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    Look honestly, I can see why you are upset but if you have been open that you were trying to conceive, and they are close enough to know when your last period was, I would say that they are just excited for you, I can see why you are unhappy but really if you are missing events etc and your friends know you want a baby, and you are one of the first in your circle to be pregnant, I can sort of see why they are speculating so excitedly aloud iykwim?

    They might understand a bit more when they experience their own first pregnancy i'd say!

    Good luck and congratulations

  5. #35
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    If you're open about ttc I can understand why people are asking. If you don't want to say you are then tell a white lie.. They probably won't believe you anyway and will understand when to announce and tell them you just weren't ready for people to know last time they asked.

  6. #36
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    By the time you tell everyone, they will have all figured it out anyway, so you're hardly going to get the big, surprised reaction, are you?

    A colleague of mine fell pregnant and ALL the females in the office (so 10 or so) guessed before she announced it at 12 weeks. It's still exciting news, but we all told her that we had suspected it anyway.

    When I fell pregnant with DD I had every intention of waiting until 12 weeks, but I got so sick that I had to tell everyone early. There was no other way to explain being so sick!! People might have thought I had a terminal illness!

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    I find it odd that someone would find it inappropriate to ask but appropriate to tell someone you and your husband are trying to have a baby. I presume when telling someone you are TTC it's in some type of a coversation probably a personal one. I would find it awkward to have a person be close enough to me to trust me with such intimate details and then they miss events and are sick and I'm supposed to do what? Ignore it? Play dumb? I would find that inappropriate.
    I wouldn't feel like a good friend I would want to know if they are ok, if they need anything or maybe spend time with them where there is no alcohol enviroment maybe talk about morning sickness and reassure them etc.

    But I guess each to their own. Hopefully I'm not in that position cause I straight out ask...lol then buy Ice cream and talk about all the cool baby shopping.
    Fair enough. I guess myself and the majority of my friends are kind of "Don't ask, don't tell" kind of people. I don't find it inappropriate at all to not ask when someone is sick or not drinking or whatever - I just figure that they will tell me when they are ready to.

    I think a lot of my attitude is because a couple of my close friends have had early miscarriages and trouble conceiving - I know for one of my friends in particular some comments that were not intentionally hurtful were quite hard for her to cope with.

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  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    First rule when trying to hide a pregnancy : NEVER EVER refuse cheese/wine or whatever. Just take it and don't drink/eat it. Simple
    Refusing something always raise suspicion, whereas people don't really watch closely to see whether you are actually drinking it. ;-)
    Totally. I pretended to be drunk for and entire birthday party when I was just pregnant with DS - every drink I was handed was passed to my poor DH, who is usually not a big drinker. He was tanked by the end of the evening, and my friends were none the wiser!

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    I completely understand where you are coming from OP, we were the same.

    We only told our parents before our 12 week scan (and my best friend). We then told all of our closest family members & friends in a special way, it was the best!

    I also wasn't prepared to explain myself to a lot of ppl if we had a MC.

    The other problem is ppl are very excited for you and so often they can't contain their excitement & tell someone else... snowball!

    I did however have to maintain a low profile over that time & fake a few vodkas with lemonades etc. It's amazing just how crafty you can be when you need to!

    Best of luck, I'm sure your scan will go well!

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    I get that you're annoyed that you told them you wouldn't tell them until 12 weeks anyway but one of my closest friends asks me monthly almost the same questions over and over re us ttc, sometimes what we consider important that we've told people isn't important for them so doesn't stick in their mind. I'm a tell early person though(for immediate family and our closest friends) and even though it meant some tough conversations when we had a miscarriage six months ago I don't regret telling anyone. And for my own healing I think it has helped me to talk openly and honestly about it.

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