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  1. #31
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    Mystique; I just wanted to send you some hugs and tell you I think you are brave coming on here and being honest. Even though this is an 'anonymous' forum to do it on, it still doesn't shield you from the backlash of other posters. And I'm sure you knew you would get some responses that we're going to be pretty blunt.

    Without knowing if finances, siblings, family members will play apart in your decision; I think the biggest question you need to work out is if "you" want this baby regardless of which man stays in your life. There's no guarantees (neither with marriages that are 10 years old, etc) that there will be any man after the pregnancy comes out, if the baby is born, etc.
    I suppose the grey area is if you do actually end up with either of these guys long term and you've (possibly) terminated their baby.
    (By the sounds of it) it doesn't sound like you would be comfortable with yourself terminating "just in case a relationship with guy 1 happens / it ruins things with guy 1".

    What would be your "ideal" outcome, right now?
    Do you think the relationship with guy 1 will be irreparable if he knew you slept with someone so soon before sleeping with him?


    DH (34) Me (30)
    DS1 (8) * DS2 (4)
    ❤️ My Family ❤️

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  3. #32
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    I'm sorry you and your baby are in this mess.

    I noticed you said you feel bad for betraying the guy #1, but if you both agreed to an "open" relationship, IMO that isn't betrayal, so don't feel bad.

    Honestly, be open with both guys and up front. Who says guy #1 will stick around? You might find that he will break it off with you whether you were pregnant or not.

    I can't offer much more advice. Good luck 💗


    Sent from my iPhone using The Bub Hub mobile app

  4. #33
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    My ideal outcome?

    The guy that I've been seeing and I could work things out and be together, in a commited relationship and be happy. That was always my ideal outcome. Having a baby wasn't part of the plan. We both have children, and I was happy for the next chapter of my life/our lives together.

    That said, that is not our situation and I don't want it to become forced because of a baby.

    So while I'd want the baby to be his, and I'd be happy to see if we could sort things out, it's going to be difficult anyway. I guess in the back of my mind if he did commit to going through with it, I'd know it's all about the baby.
    Last edited by mystique1; 01-01-2014 at 00:20.

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  6. #34
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    I don't get what the big deal is if you weren't exclusive with the first guy anyway. And yeh, why do you not believe in termination with guy #1 but you do with guy #2?

  7. #35
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    Also, were you using any contraception with either guy?

  8. #36
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    I'm a solo mother by choice. There are worse things that being alone and having a baby.

    I worry if you terminated to give your relationship with guy 1 a chance what would happen if he broke up with you later? Would you resent having neither the baby nor the guy?

    As others have said the main question is do you want the baby or don't you. Stop thinking about either guy and think about yourself. Everything else will sort itself out.

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  10. #37
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    Mystique, I'm thinking that it's always a bit mind-blowing when we find out we're pregnant, especially when it's unexpected. Our brain goes all mushy with hormones anyway without the added hassles of "what will he say?", finances, extra workload etc which seem to set up a heap of road blocks in front of us.

    Give yourself a bit of time to adjust to the situation. Yes, it's a bit complicated but it was kind of already like that iykwim. Either way, your life was not going to continue with both relationships parallel for ever, were they? This pregnancy is just bringing you to the crossroads a bit earlier.

    I agree with other posters that this now needs to be about you and your baby. I don't know how many other children you have or how you get on or otherwise with their father but this little one is also yours, regardless of who her/his father is. Give yourself time to really think about that.

    And congratulations! I'm not sure if anyone else said it. But there is something very special about carrying a life inside us - the new year is ahead of us. Who knows what answers it might bring for you!

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  12. #38
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    How are you OP?

  13. #39
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    I have made a decision to terminate the pregnancy.

    It has not been any easy decision to come to and I feel absolutely miserable, but there is no other way.

  14. #40
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    Oh, I'm so sorry I hope you are ok afterwards x


 
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