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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by mystique1 View Post
    I also have to face telling the guy that I've been seeing that I am pregnant and I'm worried it's going to ruin everything! I am expecting him to totally shut down
    This bit stuck out for me. Do you really want to be with someone who wouldn't stick around and support you in this situation? If telling him leads to him shutting down and the relationship falling apart, it's probably for the best.

    I think if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy you must be fully at peace and prepared to do so as a single mum. I wouldn't be relying on either of these guys.

    I also don't think you should do the paternity test behind guy number one's back. I understand the desire to keep the paternity issue from him if he doesn't need to know, but even if he then commits to you there will always be that hidden secret in the back of your mind. A lie is no foundation on which to build a relationship, let alone a family.

    Good luck with it all.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    This bit stuck out for me. Do you really want to be with someone who wouldn't stick around and support you in this situation? If telling him leads to him shutting down and the relationship falling apart, it's probably for the best.

    I think if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy you must be fully at peace and prepared to do so as a single mum. I wouldn't be relying on either of these guys.

    I also don't think you should do the paternity test behind guy number one's back. I understand the desire to keep the paternity issue from him if he doesn't need to know, but even if he then commits to you there will always be that hidden secret in the back of your mind. A lie is no foundation on which to build a relationship, let alone a family.

    Good luck with it all.

    I think if there is a chance of keeping this baby and wanting an ongoing relationship with the first guy then you need to be upfront about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by mystique1 View Post

    Our relationship is really all about enjoying each other, there's no real commitment or anything like that. Infact, we are quite open and have both seen other people during this time.
    At this point in time you have not done anything wrong or deceptive, it sounds like you both know the other is seeing other people and don't have a problem with it. So if you go to him and say I am pregnant and think it is yours but need to make sure then you are still being upfront with him. If you hide it until you know at some stage all the other info may come out and he will feel deceived.
    The other thing you may wish to consider if you have had unprotected sex with multiple partners (who in turn are also likely having unprotected sex with multiple partners) is going and having an STD check.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hootenanny View Post

    I think if there is a chance of keeping this baby and wanting an ongoing relationship with the first guy then you need to be upfront about it.


    At this point in time you have not done anything wrong or deceptive, it sounds like you both know the other is seeing other people and don't have a problem with it. So if you go to him and say I am pregnant and think it is yours but need to make sure then you are still being upfront with him. If you hide it until you know at some stage all the other info may come out and he will feel deceived.
    The other thing you may wish to consider if you have had unprotected sex with multiple partners (who in turn are also likely having unprotected sex with multiple partners) is going and having an STD check.
    Excellent advice! I 100% agree. STD testing is a must, as well as being honest.

    Good luck OP.

  6. #14
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    Sounds like its not the baby you want but the guy.
    You said you would feel bad terminating because of the heartbeat e.g emotional attachment etc but then you go on to say that if it's the second guys you would terminate. The baby will still have a heartbeat whomever the father is.

    You are also willing not to be 100% honest with guy 1.

    If guy 1 would walked out on you when you are pregnant or would be angry with you seeing someone else (even though he has made no commitment to you) then why would you want him?

    Don't complicate your life. If the guy loves you he will stick by you and you will work it out. If you need to hide things It's not love you are merely stalling the inevitable.

    Love is not complicate you either want to be with someone or you dont everything else can be sorted. And let's face it how much can you love him if you guys are sleeping with other people and just having "fun".

    Sorry to be harsh just breaking down reality.

    Hope things work out.

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    Sounds like its not the baby you want but the guy.
    You said you would feel bad terminating because of the heartbeat e.g emotional attachment etc but then you go on to say that if it's the second guys you would terminate. The baby will still have a heartbeat whomever the father is.

    You are also willing not to be 100% honest with guy 1.

    If guy 1 would walked out on you when you are pregnant or would be angry with you seeing someone else (even though he has made no commitment to you) then why would you want him?

    Don't complicate your life. If the guy loves you he will stick by you and you will work it out. If you need to hide things It's not love you are merely stalling the inevitable.

    Love is not complicate you either want to be with someone or you dont everything else can be sorted. And let's face it how much can you love him if you guys are sleeping with other people and just having "fun".

    Sorry to be harsh just breaking down reality.

    Hope things work out.
    I agree

    And 2nd guy seems more caring and reacting well to it?

  9. #16
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    Thanks for your opinions.

    I can get the prenatal testing done at 10weeks. The results take 5-7 days to come back.

    I would not keep the baby if it's the 2nd guys as we are not in a relationship of any kind.

    I don't want to tell the guy I have been seeing about the paternity issue, even though we have both seen other people. I feel absolutely horrible to be in this position, and don't want to admit it to him. I feel horrible for betraying him, but I just can't do it.

    I did inform him today that I'm pregnant though. He hasn't said much so far so I'll give him some time/space for it to sink in.

    Yes, I'll definately get all the tests done.

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  11. #17
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    What a horrible situation for you. No advice just sending lots of strength and hugs x

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  13. #18
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    I think if you want a long term relationship with guy #1 you need to be honest with him right now. You can't build a lasting relationship keeping this sort of info from him. You need to tell him. If it's his and you keep the baby, and you stay together can you really keep that secret all your life? And if it's guy #2's and you terminate, then stay together with guy #1 can you keep THAT secret from him forever? You need to tell him. You haven't done anything stupid or immoral or wrong, he knew and agreed with the deal.

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  15. #19
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    Double post
    Last edited by KaraB; 29-12-2013 at 22:17.

  16. #20
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    If I were you I wouldn't tell guy no 1 until you know if he's the father or not. You can have a cvs done as early as 10 weeks and do the paternity test with that. It's expensive but not outrageously so. Would guy 2 be willing to contribute to the cost of the test? This is assuming that you want to keep your baby. If you have a termination then you don't really need to tell anyone anything. The fact that you've told guy 2 tells me that despite your misgivings you'd like to keep your baby. And that's ok, whatever you want to do is ok, list or no list. It's completely natural to want your baby. Unplanned pregnancies are always difficult but you will find a way through it. Please fell free to pm me if you need to talk. *Hugs*


 

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