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  1. #1
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    Default My situation is really messed up.

    This is my 2nd post on this forum, I really needed to get some objective opinions and advice on what to do with my situation going forward. It is really bad, I've been an idiot.

    I've just found out I'm pregnant.

    I have been seeing someone for the past 12 months. We are both separated with kids. Our relationship is really all about enjoying each other, there's no real commitment or anything like that. Infact, we are quite open and have both seen other people during this time.

    So here lies the problem. Not only am I pregnant, but I am not 100% certain who the father is. I am about 95% sure that it is the person mentioned above. The problem is I was with someone else also.
    It's probably a bit of a stretch right? I'm thinking it's the guy that I've been seeing, but I still can't rule out the 2nd guy. Opinions please?!

    Now the 2nd guy knows what is going on. He knows about the guy that I am seeing, and he knows about the pregnancy.

    The guy that I have been seeing for the past 12 months, does not know yet. And I do not want to tell him about the 2nd guy. I love him, but it's complicated.

    I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do? Assuming the baby is the guy whom I've been seeing, our relationship is not really in the right place for a baby. We have other children to think about. Financial, lifestyle issues to think about. The issue of paternity is weighing heavily on me and I feel forced into making a decision I may not otherwise have made, to terminate the pregnancy.

    If I were to go ahead with the pregnancy I would have to have a prenatal paternity test done for my own piece of mind, and they are expensive!!! I have spoken to guy number 2 about this already, which he is happy to do.

    I also have to face telling the guy that I've been seeing that I am pregnant and I'm worried it's going to ruin everything! I am expecting him to totally shut down.

    I'm sorry this is long. Obviously I have been an idiot but I really need some advice. Thank you.
    Last edited by mystique1; 01-01-2014 at 00:15.

  2. #2
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    Oh hugs x.

    I really don't know what advice to say to you. Here if you need to chat though

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  4. #3
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    It's a tough situation OP, I'm not sure than anyone is going to be able to give you advice beyond; follow your heart, you are the one who has to live with the decision so don't let the paternity confusion pressure you to do something you wouldn't do otherwise.

    Good luck, I will be thinking of you x.

  5. #4
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    I think you should be an adult about it and inform the other possible father as I think he has the right to know. You have stated that neither relationship is committed so there is a real possibility that neither man would want to be a father to this baby. However they may be. I think you should just be honest and talk things through with each party. Good luck.

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  7. #5
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    I have 2 options really.

    1. I terminate the pregnancy.

    2. If I decide to continue with the pregnancy I need to do the pre natal paternity test. If it turned out to be the 2nd guys, I would not continue with the pregnancy.

    Either way, I don't want the guy that I've been seeing to know about the issue regarding paternity...

    I still have no idea how he will react to the news. I have no idea how to tell him. Hardest thing I have ever had to do.

    If we were in a different place, there would have been no 2nd guy. In if we were in a different place, I'd want this baby. But we aren't. And I don't want to give this baby a job before it's born.

    In my head it all makes sense to terminate the pregnancy. For so many reasons that I can't get into here.

    But I think my heart wants to keep it. It's scary to even say that.

  8. #6
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    What an awful position I feel very sorry for you.

    How early can you do the testing? Could you get this done early and then decide?


    Me: 31, DH: 33, DD1: 8, DD2: 6 😃 #3 due Sept 2014 ❤

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  10. #7
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    Just get guy number 2 to do the paternity test then you will know one way or the other before telling the guy you are seeing. It is highly possible to be either guys bub sperm can last 5-7 days. Hope you are ok must be a horrible situation to be in

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  12. #8
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    Yes I agree. Don't say anything to other guy until test done. Then u can discuss and defide


    Me: 31, DH: 33, DD1: 8, DD2: 6 😃 #3 due Sept 2014 ❤

  13. #9
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    Just be honest! You said that your relationship with the guy you have been seeing was 'open' and you had both seen other people, so I don't understand why you don't want to tell him?

    I think it would destroy your relationship more if you lied about it or withheld the truth from him...

    That's just my honest opinion....




    Sent from my iPhone using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  15. #10
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    Crappy situation to be in. The father could most definitely be either guy. When can you get the testing done? Why would you only terminate if it was one guys baby & not the other?

    You have said you are open about the relationship but I'm assuming you are hiding this guy from the other guy?


 

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