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  1. #1
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    Default Rebuilding trust

    I am interested to hear from anyone who has managed to salvage their relationships after your partner cheated? I am dealing with this at the moment (while also being 34 weeks pregnant). I'm not sure what I want but I am really struggling with how I could ever trust DH again. He is seeing a counsellor to work out why he strayed and understand why he needs attention if he doesn't feel like he gets it from me. He wants to do anything and everything to save our marriage.

    I guess what I am asking is if you have been through this, how did you make it work? Do you completely trust your partner now?

  2. #2
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    I tried for a long time to salvage my last relationship after infidelity but it never repaired and he ended up doing it again.. Even then I tried to stay together but it just got so messy and things didn't work out.

    I'm now with a man I trust implicitly and can't believe I put myself in the last situation for so long. No one is perfect and I'm not silly enough to say DH would NEVER cheat however I know it goes against very deep morals for him and I can't imagine him ever doing so. He is not one to put himself in a situation where it would ever be likely.

    Anyway I'm not one to say 'once a cheater always a cheater' because I myself cheated when I was a lot younger, however I would never dream of it now. As an adult I am just really not sure a relationship can fully repair from infidelity.

    Can I ask if it was a one off or more of an affair?

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    RaaRaaMumma  (23-12-2013)

  4. #3
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    He only had s.ex the once but had been talking to her for about 3 months. She is in our circle of friends so it started out innocently enough but progressed to flirting and then this. Unfortunately he has had secret friends twice in the past as well but it was friendship (one is a lesbian the other interstate). So we have had trust issues and it manifested for me into not wanting to be intimate very often and my focus was just on my 19 month old and this pregnancy.

    As I said he is totally committed to getting his issues resolved by counselling himself and then if I agree, marriage counselling. I just don't know what I want though. I'm not sure if the trust issues are just too big.
    Last edited by RaaRaaMumma; 23-12-2013 at 09:15.

  5. #4
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    Hi There

    I have been cheated on once married I could not stay with him anymore but mine story is a little different .He cheated on me with a work " freind " and got herself pregnant , so it was pretty hard to stay with him.

    Im now happly married and due for our first bub in Feb.

    Hope all is well I know how hard it is xx

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    Maybe councelling for yourself would be a good idea, just to help you figure out what you want and where to go from here, whether you think the relationship can be salvaged or if you even think it could be or want it to be after everything. Good luck.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    RaaRaaMumma  (23-12-2013)

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    My DH cheated on me before we were married, twice that I know of (caught him red handed and he ended up leaving me for the second lady). We split for almost a year. At first I hated him, but gradually we started talking again and becoming friends and after about 8 or so months apart he asked if we could give it another shot. He had changed a lot- finally got a stable job and grew up a lot. I still loved him so after many discussions and a lot of "conditions", I eventually agreed. And I didn't make it easy for him, he had a lot to prove to me but he bent over backwards to prove himself. It took a long time to regain the trust but we worked through it, it's something we both wanted. We are happier now than we ever have been, we have our downs but work through them together.

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    RaaRaaMumma  (24-12-2013)

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    I think the saying " Trust is like a vase once it is broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be the same again" rings true.

    You can salvage a relationship where cheating has occured but it will never be the same again. You will probably never be able to trust 100% again. The memories will always be there in the back of your mind ready to resurface from time to time, leaving you feeling absolutely shattered and dead on the inside.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Pesca77  (24-12-2013)

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    My soon to be ex-husband cheated.

    Cheating is never black and white for me, there are degrees of infidelity.

    I could've forgiven a drunken whoops, but he fell in love with this girl and put her above our family in importance.

    He also was malicious about me to his family and over a long period of time crushed my self worth into nothing.

    That he could do that is so much worse to me than sleeping with someone else, even worse than falling in love with someone else.

  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by loveandlive View Post
    Hi There

    I have been cheated on once married I could not stay with him anymore but mine story is a little different .He cheated on me with a work " freind " and got herself pregnant , so it was pretty hard to stay with him.

    Im now happly married and due for our first bub in Feb.

    Hope all is well I know how hard it is xx
    Far out....can't believe this has happened to someone else! To make matters worse, I was pregnant with our second baby too.

    I could never truly forgive someone 100% for doing this in a marriage. I could try sure, but I know within myself that there would always be the memories and doubts. I'm with HarvestMoon on this one.

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    I know pesca77 but I believe I meet my ex to truly appreciate what I have now <3


 

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