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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by javic View Post
    Thanks for your responses! Glad to know it's not me. I did have an awful temper in the past (due to insomnia/gluten) but getting mad just made for big fights in front of the kids with threats of divorce and the occasional throwing of something (by me). I am very proud that I am now able to control myself and be calm and reasonable.

    I considered walking out but I couldn't abandon my children with this angry person. Getting them to leave with me would have been an ordeal. I did demand dh left in the end but he refused.

    After i I wrote my initial post, I found dh asleep on the couch. Obviously, he must have been tired and grumpy and, like a toddler, has no awareness of himself. I'm hoping when he wakes he will also apologise.

    How can I draw the line on this behaviour? All I can think to do is threaten divorce! But that's just not realistic. I really don't want my kids to go through that. I want to find a solution.
    OP this is where you contemplate storming out, then tried to make him leave, and contemplated threatening divorce to 'make' him change. I'm sorry but they are not normal reactions to someone having a sook/tanty. I really do think you are viewing your own actions through rose tinted glasses, you are NOT behaving in a 'calm and reasonable' manner, despite your belief that you are.

  2. #32
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopefulmum2 View Post
    Excuse me read it properly - I said some men!!!!!
    It was a joke! You said some men had a problem, so then I said WE DO NOT and it was meant to be funny.

    *sigh* My career as a comedian is in tatters.

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  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    OP this is where you contemplate storming out, then tried to make him leave, and contemplated threatening divorce to 'make' him change. I'm sorry but they are not normal reactions to someone having a sook/tanty. I really do think you are viewing your own actions through rose tinted glasses, you are NOT behaving in a 'calm and reasonable' manner, despite your belief that you are.
    I didn't say "storming out" I simply considered whether it would be best to leave him alone to cool down as he was yelling at the kids and me. Not a healthy situation to just sit around and deal with. But like I said, I obviously couldn't leave the kids there, and to hard to take them with me as they were busy playing and wouldn't want to leave. It was a normal thought process - not sure why you think it's not calm or reasonable? It's what all the therapist I have spoken to have advised. Are you a mental health professional?

    Also, re the divorce bit, I was simply responding to Marie who said I shouldn't put up with it. I was simple questioning how anyone can "not put up with" what their husband does - isn't the only option to leave him (divorce)? How else can a wife "not put up with it"? I did say that it wasn't an option I would consider even threatening. So, again, I think you got the wrong idea. I think you've misread what I have expressed here. Maybe I wasn't clear enough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    It was a joke! You said some men had a problem, so then I said WE DO NOT and it was meant to be funny.

    *sigh* My career as a comedian is in tatters.
    i liked your joke. Your future is still looking okay!

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by javic View Post
    I didn't say "storming out" I simply considered whether it would be best to leave him alone to cool down as he was yelling at the kids and me. Not a healthy situation to just sit around and deal with. But like I said, I obviously couldn't leave the kids there, and to hard to take them with me as they were busy playing and wouldn't want to leave. It was a normal thought process - not sure why you think it's not calm or reasonable? It's what all the therapist I have spoken to have advised. Are you a mental health professional?

    Also, re the divorce bit, I was simply responding to Marie who said I shouldn't put up with it. I was simple questioning how anyone can "not put up with" what their husband does - isn't the only option to leave him (divorce)? How else can a wife "not put up with it"? I did say that it wasn't an option I would consider even threatening. So, again, I think you got the wrong idea. I think you've misread what I have expressed here. Maybe I wasn't clear enough.
    Your second retelling of the event is COMICALLY different to your first. I'm not going to bother arguing with you. It still sounds to me that you are as bad as each other.

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    My hubby sounds very similar. If I knew he was in one of his entitled moods I would have let him go to the gym, however if make sure at dinner and bedtime that night that I'd be doing something for myself and he'd know he would have no right to ***** about it. Let him go next time and go out with friends to see a movie or have dinner. If the kids don't nap, daddy's going to have a fun time tonight. When he lets you know that they've been terrible, nicely let him know its because they didn't get to nap as you need help with nap times...

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Your second retelling of the event is COMICALLY different to your first. I'm not going to bother arguing with you. It still sounds to me that you are as bad as each other.
    Fair enough. Though, I really wonder why you would choose to respond to my call for advice with an attack on my behaviour. Others also suggested that I could perhaps use help with my communication, but it was said kindly and with compassion. Whereas your response seemed angry and attacking, like somehow you took what I wrote personally and wanted to attack me back? But I wasn't attacking you. So I really wonder why you would choose to answer with criticism and words that have the power to hurt, rather than gentle and kind words. Anyway, merry Christmas and happy new year. Let's hope the new year is filled with only kindness and consideration for one and all!

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    Quote Originally Posted by hopefulmum2 View Post
    It sounds like to me that he doesn't like being told what to do by you even though it is a reasonable request. Some men can have a real problem with women giving orders. They think that the household should be run by their rules.
    He is from a very male dominated culture. But he seems so modern in other ways - does dishes, cooks etc.


 

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