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  1. #21
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    I agree with the PP's post about a counsellor as it really, really sounds like neither of you know how to communicate effectively with each other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hopefulmum2 View Post
    Excuse me read it properly - I said some men!!!!!
    It was a joke lol

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  4. #23
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    I haven't read the responses so sorry if I'm repeating....
    There is men's work shops where they learn to communicate properly in their relationship. I can't remember what it's called and it does cost around $400 for the 8 week course but from what I've heard its worth it. Ask your Dr

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    I'm going to play devils advocate here. From your post it sounds like most of the time hubby looks after DS while you put DD to sleep. So he can't be that bad?

    Perhaps he was just a little stressed, or tired or feeling like he was stuck in the house and wanted to get out and then he felt further constrained by your demand that he wait? And your demands that he could only leave if he took his phone and came back if needed...
    - I think your request was fair. I also think its fair for your hubby to get out and miss a nap time once in a while.

    Instead of expecting two parents to be present for every nap (which is not practical) perhaps it would be better for you and hubby to address the underlying issues with your kids? to brainstorm ways of keeping DS occupied and happy while putting DD down for a nap? Surely there's got to be something other than having 2 adults there that will work.

    Sure I would talk to hubby about this but I wouldn't go shoving books and other therapies down his throat just yet. He could see that as further attempts to control him.

    Perhaps you could both see a counsellor about negotiating and compromising? (i agree your hubby probably would benefit from some helpful hints. on the other hand I don't think telling hubby he has to be there for every nap and can only go out under xyz conditions is good negotiation either).

    Good luck ... oh and good job at working on yourself thus far.
    Last edited by VicPark; 18-12-2013 at 19:07.

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  8. #25
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    Hmmm. I'm going to go against the grain here. Sounds like you're just as difficult to compromise with, to be honest. You should be able to occasionally deal with both kids while he has some time out- and you should be able to have some time out too. Sorry, but if I was only 'allowed' to go to the gym if I had my phone on me and ran home if there was a problem I'd tell DP to get stuffed. Did your DH want to go to a class, or was there a particular reason he wanted to get to the gym at that time? Maybe he knows the machines he like to use get busy later, etc.
    it sounds like there are two sides to this story, and we are only hearing one of them. I think both of you could do with learning to compromise.

    ETA also, reading your subsequent posts, I don't think you're as 'cured' of your anger management as you think you are. Storming out and threatening divorce are NOT normal, reasonable reactions to his behavior. You seem to be placing a lot on him and not looking at your own reactions at all. I'm not saying he's a saint, just that maybe you need to have an honest look at the way you both speak to each other.
    Last edited by FearlessLeader; 18-12-2013 at 19:37.

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    I don't mean to cause offence but everyone is entitled to their time out, whether it be for gym time, movies, friend catchup etc. Unless someone is sick or an emergency arises, he should be 'allowed' to go out and have time to himself without worrying about you or the kids following the daily routine of naps.

    I'd be really ****ty with dh if he asked me to stay delay my time out because of your reasons. Both dh and I realise the importance of having time away from the kids and make sure the other person feels comfortable doing so. You say he does his fair share of the parenting, why are you bothering him when he wants to go out?

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    My first thought is what would you do if he didn't work from home?
    Sorry but I think you overreacted and need to work out a way to take care of your children alone

    Sent from my LT15i using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I'm going to play devils advocate here. From your post it sounds like most of the time hubby looks after DS while you put DD to sleep. So he can't be that bad?

    Perhaps he was just a little stressed, or tired or feeling like he was stuck in the house and wanted to get out and then he felt further constrained by your demand that he wait? And your demands that he could only leave if he took his phone and came back if needed...
    - I think your request was fair. I also think its fair for your hubby to get out and miss a nap time once in a while.

    Instead of expecting two parents to be present for every nap (which is not practical) perhaps it would be better for you and hubby to address the underlying issues with your kids? to brainstorm ways of keeping DS occupied and happy while putting DD down for a nap? Surely there's got to be something other than having 2 adults there that will work.

    Sure I would talk to hubby about this but I wouldn't go shoving books and other therapies down his throat just yet. He could see that as further attempts to control him.

    Perhaps you could both see a counsellor about negotiating and compromising? (i agree your hubby probably would benefit from some helpful hints. on the other hand I don't think telling hubby he has to be there for every nap and can only go out under xyz conditions is good negotiation either).

    Good luck ... oh and good job at working on yourself thus far.
    I second VicParks post.

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoseBetweenTheThorns View Post
    My first thought is what would you do if he didn't work from home?
    Sorry but I think you overreacted and need to work out a way to take care of your children alone

    Sent from my LT15i using The Bub Hub mobile app
    He does go away sometimes, for his own leisure, for weeks at a time, and I make do. The whole thing was that I just asked him nicely if he could delay his gym for 20 minutes and rather than responding calmly he cracked it and started getting nasty. I don't want to say " you can't go" - he goes 4 or sometimes 5 times a week, it just seemed to me like it would be no issue for him, and it would make my life much easier, if he waited a bit. He did end up going anyway, once I put dd to sleep.

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Hmmm. I'm going to go against the grain here. Sounds like you're just as difficult to compromise with, to be honest. You should be able to occasionally deal with both kids while he has some time out- and you should be able to have some time out too. Sorry, but if I was only 'allowed' to go to the gym if I had my phone on me and ran home if there was a problem I'd tell DP to get stuffed. Did your DH want to go to a class, or was there a particular reason he wanted to get to the gym at that time? Maybe he knows the machines he like to use get busy later, etc.
    it sounds like there are two sides to this story, and we are only hearing one of them. I think both of you could do with learning to compromise.

    ETA also, reading your subsequent posts, I don't think you're as 'cured' of your anger management as you think you are. Storming out and threatening divorce are NOT normal, reasonable reactions to his behavior. You seem to be placing a lot on him and not looking at your own reactions at all. I'm not saying he's a saint, just that maybe you need to have an honest look at the way you both speak to each other.
    I think compromise involves discussion but dh refused to discuss. If he had talked it through calmly I'm sure both of us could be happy. That's all I'm after.

    I'm not sure where you got the idea that I stormed out and threatened divorce? That was they way it went in the past, before I'd dealt with my issues. This time, I didn't raise my voice, storm or threaten anything. Why did you think that?


 

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